Chapter 3
THREE
jashaun
Life never surprised me. Being the only child of a young breast cancer survivor, I couldn’t afford to get knocked off my feet.
An eight-year-old, cleaning up after a mother sick from chemo with a smile, so she didn’t feel guilty that she relied on her son more than her dysfunctional family, who lived in another state.
For that year, I practically took care of myself.
Waking up and preparing for school alone while my mother slept off the pain medications.
Cooking hot dogs and mac and cheese for dinner, and keeping the house clean when she was too weak to do it.
By my tenth birthday, my mother and I had become more like friends than mother and son.
We’d been through hell and back together, and I’d learned to be ready for whatever came my way.
Until yesterday, when I became a father.
Correction.
I had been a father for almost eight years and didn’t know it.
Unable to sleep, I eased out of bed to not disturb a sleeping Soraya and walked to my closet. Standing naked in the middle of my walk-in closet, I stared at the back of my black and gold jersey.
Ocean.
There had never been a more fitting line name than the one bestowed on me.
I had been the cool one on line, going with the ebbs and flows of whatever was expected of me until I thought one of the big brothers had gone too far in pledging us.
I broke the line and refused to allow him to spit in my face.
I grabbed him up by his neck and told him that taking away a man’s dignity isn’t going to make us a true brotherhood, and definitely not a family I wanted to be a part of.
It was a risky move given that if I were the only one who stood up, I would be thrown off the line.
The rest of the big brothers agreed with me, and my entire line crossed together.
I loved my frat name and used it anytime I could.
If I didn’t think my mother would personally kill me with her bare hands, I might have officially changed my name since it sounded similar to Jashaun.
I caught movement in the reflecting mirror before me.
Soraya stirred in her sleep, her naked body already searching for mine as if we were a couple.
I dragged my hand down my face and scratched my beard, refusing to focus on my own reflection as I moved back into my bedroom to admire the beauty who’d given me the second surprise in my life.
This sharply dressed woman never missed a hair or nail appointment.
She embodied strength and warmth with a slant of her eyes and embodied confidence like a second skin.
For months, I wanted to wake up beside this woman.
To sex her as I did until the wee hours of the morning.
To convince her to stay in bed with me all day.
To enjoy her company and her sensual energy and wit until she moved on to the next man.
Now, I was about to be a father, and I didn’t know the role any woman would play in my life while I learned how to be a daddy to a little girl who’d grown up so far without one.
“You have plans this morning?” She asked sleepily, poking her ass out as she stretched. My gray sheets perfectly molded to the curves of her body, arousing my dick.
“It’s all you. We can go out, or I can order breakfast, and we can eat in bed. I would cook, but I don’t want to waste any precious time that I may have left with you.”
Soraya covered her eyes with her arm. “Why did you have to remind me that what happened between us may not happen again?”
“Something tells me you want simple in your man, and I can’t even tell you what my life will be like or what to expect.
” Lifting her foot, I kissed the inside of her ankle.
“I would be a selfish man, like I’ve been most of my life, to pretend that we can see each other as I envisioned.
Besides, our endgames were different anyway. ”
Her arm remained firmly in place as she asked, “Think you’re going to try to work it out with your daughter’s mother?”
“Cherry?... well, her real name is Mara.” I kissed her calf.
“That’s the one thing I am sure of, is that nothing will ever happen again between her and me.
I don’t forgive easily, and if I didn’t force the issue, she would have driven away without me knowing the truth.
I’m still not convinced she’s going to show up tonight. ”
“What if she doesn’t?”
“I have her driver’s license and car tag. Able and willing to go to court if I need to.” I pulled her down lower on the bed by her ankle. “We can talk later while we enjoy breakfast.”
Her foot rubbed my erection as she removed her arm and gazed at me. “What if I cut you off now? Like, I just get dressed and go back to my place. We pretend this never happened.”
“Why would we do that?” I frowned.
Soraya shrugged. “What’s the point? We want different things, right?”
Realization dawned. “I get it. You think I’m trying to control the situation.”
“I know you are. You keep that body right in the gym.” Her appreciative gaze traveled up and down my body while she continued to massage me with her foot.
“These sheets smell all fresh and lemony. Your home is immaculate, probably like your car and office. You want things a certain way because you like to be in control. You want to decide when, where, and how we see each other now that you’ve had me. ”
“That’s not true. I’m being honest about my situation. There’s no reason to prove that you’re still in control.” My hands spread her thighs as I settled between her legs.
“Mm…you feel heavenly,” she moaned before she eased up my body, kissing my hardened tip, slowly caressing my abs, and wrapping her arms around my neck. Her breasts flattened against my chest as her doe-shaped eyes glinted. “And I am in control. I had a good time, Mr. Howard. But now it’s over.”
Despite her rigid nipples and her lingering desire, she slid off the bed, donning her leggings.
“Wait…wait…this doesn’t have to be it.” I tried to grab her wrist, and with a smile, she twisted away from me.
“It is. We’ll still be friendly.” She stuffed her panties in the waistband of her leggings and pulled her t-shirt over her naked breasts. “I would love to meet Jussica whenever you're ready to introduce her to your neighbors.”
“You’re not even going to take a shower or have breakfast with me?” I asked, uncaring that a wisp of desperation coated my words. The idea that we were over before we ever started messed with me.
She held the edge of the bed to slip on her heels. “We don’t need to prolong the inevitable. I have work to do to get ready for the week, and you need to get ready to meet your daughter.”
“Why are you being so cold?”
“I’m not.” Soraya picked up her bra and pushed it into her purse.
“Then why are you running from me?”
Her cool gaze focused on my face. “Because I’m smart enough to recognize you would so easily be my weakness. Still trying to figure out if I made a mistake being with you like this.”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. “Last night wasn’t a mistake.”
“That remains to be seen.” She glanced at my lips and my erection before she tapped my chest to release her. “Put that away and at least walk me out like the gentleman you’ve always been to me.”
Minutes later, Soraya walked out of my apartment and possibly my life without hesitation. Given the deep emotional and physical connection that I thought we’d both experienced, I’d been caught off guard by her certainty that we were already done.
Third surprise in less than twenty-four hours, and I didn’t know if I could handle any more.
With my stomach in knots and mind in turmoil about how Soraya left and how Jussica entered my world, I kept myself busy cleaning my already tidy three-bedroom condo.
I stripped my sheets and washed them. Vacuumed more out of habit than necessity and used ChatGPT to figure out what snacks to buy for Jussica.
Searched for girl furniture online at Pottery Barn for my guest room that would have to be converted for her.
Did she like pink or was she a lilac girl?
Did she prefer dolls or stuffed animals?
Would it bother me if she preferred sports or toy guns?
Would she become a daddy’s girl or always prefer her mother, who’d been there for her always when I didn’t have a chance?
I didn’t want to buy her affection, though at the same time I wanted her to know that her father could afford whatever her heart desired.
I would have to decide if a private school was a better choice than the public one she probably attended.
If Cherry…Mara drove an Uber to make extra money.
I doubt Jussica attended private school.
I ignored my mother’s daily call because I hadn’t yet figured out how to tell her that she had a grandchild.
Being happy about the new situation would be an understatement.
Mama would be ecstatic. She’d long given up the idea that her thirty-something son would ever have a child when I shut her down anytime, she remotely approached the topic.
Yes, she would be thrilled. I just wasn’t quite ready for the added pressure to follow.
Either making it work with Jussica’s mother or finding a wife to help me raise my daughter.
Funny how when Soraya asked if I wanted to get with Cherry, my answer had been an instinctual no, though I didn’t really know Cherry. Shit. Mara. Her real name is Mara.