Chapter 6 Soraya #2
Lines crossed his broad forehead as Sam jammed his hands in his pockets. “I had to do a damn thesis proposal for her to pay for it. Be glad you got out when you did.”
“You know where to find me, if you’re looking for a change.” Jashaun pressed his hand on the small of my back, possessively. “How do you two know each other?”
Sam tightened his jaw briefly before he said, “We work in the same building. First moment I got to speak to her since you got her over here chained to you.”
Before I could protest, Jashaun’s hand on my lower back pressed deeper. “She wants to be chained to me. Is that a problem for you?”
“Not at all.” He smoothly answered before he turned away and tossed over his shoulder, “When he's done with you, holla at me.”
“Say that shit as you walk away,” Jashaun growled, and I patted his chest, half-warning, half-soothing him. We were all professionals at a conference and not at a club or on the streets. “I’ll see you around, Butler.”
Sam stalked in the opposite direction.
Jashaun placed his hands on the table and glared. “Must be your new friend who thought he was going to have what’s mine.”
Incensed by his overly possessive behavior, I placed my laptop in the bag without another word to him and headed for the exit. By the time the elevator opened, he caught up to me and followed me into the empty elevator.
Jashaun demanded, “What did he say to you for you to walk away from me?”
I tilted my head. “What do you think he said, since obviously you know each other?”
“Must have said some slick shit to have you all mad with me.” He scowled.
“Slick shit like what?” My voice remained calm despite my erratic heart. Was Jashaun playing games, and I would be the biggest loser?
“I’m not doing a guessing game.”
“Then don’t.” I pulled my leather bag higher on my shoulder, and he promptly removed my bag and held it.
“What did he say?” He asked a second later.
“Thought you weren’t doing a guessing game?” I retorted.
“How can I explain myself if I don’t know what he said?”
“How do you know you need to explain yourself?” I asked stubbornly.
He shook his head. “We’re not about to spend our last night like this.”
“Then tell me what a man who knows you, who also went out with me, would say to me about you?”
“Soraya.” He warned.
The elevator slid open to our floor, and he used his phone to unlock the door to our suite. Placing our bags on the desk, he whipped around to face me. “Did you fuck him?”
I crossed my arms, feeling the fire within burn hotter. “Is that what he would say to me about you? Or is that what you want to know?”
He dragged his hand down his face. “Did you fuck him?”
“If I did, are we over?” I taunted. “Four days in and we broke up? That’s a new record for me…then again, it might not be a record for you. Have you ever had a girlfriend?”
Annoyed, Jashaun waved his hand. “Of course I’ve had girlfriends. Don’t understand why you can’t tell me if you fucked him or not.”
“Because you're trying to change the narrative, Jashaun, and I’m not letting you.”
Jashaun started pacing and removing his tie. “You're letting him get into your head. I leave for five minutes, and now we’re fighting.”
I stood in his path and gripped his chin. “What do you think he said to me?”
He gritted his teeth before we finally locked eyes. “Probably warned you about me. That I fuck over women and that he’s the better choice.”
“Is he?”
“That’s on you.” Jashaun’s gaze slid from mine.
“Wrong answer.” I released him, pulled my suitcase out of the closet, and dumped it on the bed.
“Where are you going?” His head jerked.
“Might be able to catch a late flight home, or I’ll pay for my own room.” I walked to the closet and pulled out the dresses that I had hung.
Jashaun plopped down on the edge of the bed beside my carry-on. “Whether he’s the better choice is on you. Not because I don’t have the best past with women.”
“Ever since I met you, you have been this confident, sometimes arrogant as hell man. Sure about what you want. And your answer to me is ‘that’s on you’ when you should have simply said, ‘I’m the better choice.
’” I slam my dresses in my bag. “Come on, you have to see it from my perspective. We’re neighbors, and I see you all the time.
We sleep together, and you ghost me for six weeks.
Then, when we accidentally see each other, you claim me because you’re scared that I’m going to claim another man.
You see who that man could possibly be, and then you get all possessive like I’m not my own woman. ” I grabbed my heels off the floor.
“You left me like all you wanted was some good sex.” He reminded me. “And I don’t like another man’s hands on you and all in your face like I’m not there.”
“That alpha male macho shit isn’t cool to me.
Willing to fight the man over me but not reassure me that I’m making the right choice.
I don’t want to be a power move. I want to be yours.
” I added my shoes to my bag. “Sam and I went to happy hour after work about three weeks ago, and from our conversation, he’s ready for the real.
But all I see is you since we slept together.
I can pretend that I’m good and ignore the nagging feeling that all this will blow up in my face because I’m already half in love with you.
Or I can leave with my heart intact while I still can. ”
I gestured out the window and around the beautiful suite that he’d reserved for us. “Got me dreaming of being like this with you forever when you don’t really want that.”
“Stop trying to tell me what you think I want.” Jashaun pushed my suitcase off the bed and grabbed me to him as we fell back on the soft mattress. He brushed back my hair with his hands to capture my face and studied me. “I’ve already lost my heart. You anchor me.”
My righteous anger dissipated into a distant memory as I looked down into his serious expression.
The absence of the usual teasing light in his eyes clenched my stomach.
His slightly hooded gaze sent tingles throughout my body.
The determined set of his jaw told me more than any words that would follow.
“I don’t know who I am right now. On the surface, I’m still going to work every day.
Had my guest room changed into a little girl’s dream, like it was nothing when it was everything.
My home isn’t my home anymore. My life isn’t my life anymore.
I decided to become a father without much thought because it was a decision.
Mara made it so. I could’ve let her drive away and pretend that Jussica’s father waited at home for her.
If I had, would we have had that moment by the pool?
Would you have given me a chance? Despite the turmoil and sleepless nights, Jussica is a decision that I would make all over again.
She brought unimaginable joy and love to my life. She brought you.”
Vulnerability relaxed his face and eased the tenseness in his muscles, and I couldn’t look away from him. I’d become his safe space, a space where he could lay down his burdens and be real with me. A space that I’d always wanted to create for a man.
“I feel so out of control despite what I might appear to you. Not sure of myself or what the fuck I’m doing.
I never had a father, not even a grandfather, to guide me.
Never saw love between my parents. So, what the hell do I know about being with a woman long term?
Can I be who she needs me to be? Can I give her what she wants?
Can I trust her with all that I am? Giving her my heart and soul and, somehow, I fuck it up?
I’ve been running from love my whole adult life.
Until my daughter forced me to stop running. ” His gaze steadied on mine.
“The moment I saw you sitting in the car, a peace I hadn’t felt in weeks settled over me.
These last few days with you were the me I know.
Yes, I did cling to you. Selfishly, not allowing anyone to engage with you, trying to hold on to me.
Trying to be the Jashaun Howard that I’ve always been before I became Jussica’s father.
Then Sam reminded me of Ocean, the side of me that ain’t no damn good for a woman like you.
And I got scared that you would go back to seeing me the way that you did when I’m not that person.
At least not anymore.” His thumb traced my lower lip.
“I can’t lose my anchor. I can’t lose you. Please stay.”
Jashaun’s hands curved to my cheeks, and he lifted enough to slide his tongue into my mouth.
Kissing me slowly, whispering how much he wanted and needed me.
Returning his ardor, I pressed him back into the mattress and brushed heated kisses over his chin and down his neck.
Button by button, I slowly tasted his slightly salty skin, his stiff nipples, his taut abs, and his defined Adonis belt, and finally his dick as I undressed him while he closed his eyes, allowing me to take care of him.