13. Things of nightmare and heartache
THINGS OF NIGHTMARE AND HEARTACHE
ENORA
Just like Maksym said, a dark fae woman fetched me for the initium around the tenth evening bell the next night.
But—unlike he had also told me—I refused to drink whatever was in the vial he shoved into my pocket, his feigned concern be damned.
I knew when someone was underestimating me and looked forward to proving everyone wrong.
After donning the gauzy layers my escort arrived with and braiding my hair back at her suggestion, we set out for my initiation into the Agōn Ferr.
The upper floor of the Keep was deceptively serene, but once we approached the stairwell and atrium lookout, a buzz of chatter built.
Not rowdy noise like the throne room the night before, or boisterous like with Maksym and his guards the afternoon earlier, but hushed chatter that was unmistakably eager.
As we came up to the railing, I braved a glance down.
A substantial crowd had gathered, far larger than the noise would’ve led me to believe, and in its center were several others donning the same gauzy layers—my fellow contestants.
I spotted a few familiar faces quickly amongst the crowd.
Maksym, of course. His mage, Jasper, whom I hadn’t seen at all at the feast. Gallan all cleaned up in his uniform.
No Eilir, unfortunately. And even though I was about to face uncertainty and likely at least a measure of danger, I couldn’t help feeling a slight pain of worry that I hadn’t seen the sprite in two days.
But I shoved aside that thought as I entered the crowd of hopefuls and Elixia, surrounded by workers of the Keep and eager onlookers, and Maksym’s voice began to carry.
“I will keep this brief,” he called out, “as I know you were all eager to get started on this incredibly thrilling night.”
A rumble of laughter rolled through the crowd—a true testament to how not thrilling tonight would be.
“Your task this evening is one of simplicity—survive the night in the saunas. This is not a test of your strength or of your martial prowess. Nor is it a test of your knowledge or your ingenuity. This is a test of your fortitude and self-awareness, of your mind’s ability to tell your body to go fuck itself but to also listen to your body when it truly cannot go on.
You will be given one waterskin between now and sunrise.
Use it wisely. Your body will not last down there without it, but your mind may not appreciate what it must endure in exchange for hydration.
If you lose consciousness at any point during the initiation, or the supervising Elixia fear for your life, you will be disqualified from competing. Are we ready?”
The cheers that broke out around me nearly overtook my own thoughts.
If I were correctly parsing what Maksym said last night about being sick or my mind being tortured and what he just laid out, there was something in that water that was not just water. Whatever was in that vial he forced on me must’ve been a remedy of sorts.
I was still glad I hadn’t taken it, but I was a little less eager to spend an entire night in a sauna with only one water skin and the prospect of my mind playing tricks on me.
Bodies around me moved and I was shuffled into a rough line behind a dark fae man who must have been two heads taller than me. We crawled forward a few paces at a time until it was my turn to come face-to-face with the king.
“Miss Wynn,” he said with neutrality and a dip of his head, as if he hadn’t just cornered me in the hall the night before and kissed me in a way I thought about until I fell asleep. “May Mina watch over you.”
I offered him a smile and nothing more before turning my attention to Gallan as he extended a waterskin and a towel to me.
“Good luck, princess.” He squeezed my hands as I took the items. “I’ll see you below.”
A nod was all I exchanged with the silent mage beside him before I slipped past and trailed behind the rest of the participants.
We took a door just beyond the same double set I’d gone through on my trip to the throne room.
This one brought us down a steep, spiral staircase lit with too few lanterns and a wooden railing that brokered no trust.
And with each step we wound down, the rising heat and thickening air became impossible to ignore. My clothing was already sticking to my body, but the man in front of me didn’t have so much as a sheen on his dark gray skin.
I was mountain-born and raised.
Cool weather.
Dry air.
Bursts of heat only in the dead of summer.
Already, I was at a disadvantage, and I wasn’t sure if that made me more eager to prove them wrong or made me doubt I would make it through the night.
My only hope stemmed from Gallan saying he’d see me down there.
I trusted he would not pull me out unnecessarily, but the same could not be said for any of the other supervising Elixia.
When we reached the bottom of the stairs, and the landing opened into a network of rugged cave-like rooms, I’d wiped sweat off my brow twice. We were shuffled into the various rooms that all faced a central, inset space with a massive pit full of steaming, white-hot coals.
Each room also had a smaller, smoldering pit, as if it wasn’t hot enough.
I lowered myself onto the stone ledge that wrapped around the space and made myself as comfortable as I could, my water skin beside me and my towel over the back of my neck.
The other contestants who filtered into my room with me all looked meek, even a little fearful.
I suspected none of them were Elixia if they were feeling as uneasy about this as I was.
The rallying cries that echoed out from the other rooms only confirmed my suspicion.
Clearly, Maksym had something to do with our seating arrangement.
Shortly after we settled in, Gallan made his appearance, divested of his shirt and with a large water skin in one hand, a bucket in the other, a stool tucked under his arm. As he sat down across from us, he gave the bucket a tap with his foot and winked at me.
“Oh, fuck off,” I grumbled, and he just grinned.
“Everyone’s comfortable?” he asked, as if we were sitting anywhere but in a fucking sauna on stone seats. “Good. We’re going to be here for a while.”
We lost our first member just over an hour in.
Sometime in our first few minutes, she’d clearly forgotten the entire purpose of our assignment and took a concerningly large gulp out of her waterskin.
Only minutes after that, she started crying.
The crying evolved into screaming, which spiraled into her attempting to grab one of the white-hot coals Gallan had been ladling hot water onto.
She was given a chance to gather herself, and did for a short while, but on her second attempt at throwing herself on the coals, she was hauled out.
That left five of us.
At that point, anyone tempted to drink was thoroughly dissuaded.
My only method of distraction was to close my eyes and imagine I was anywhere but in that sauna.
Back in Odessa, in the dead of winter. On assignment in one of the high alpine villages, staring down a brutal wind. Taking a much-needed dip in one of the glacial creeks.
Those images, so vivid, I could almost feel them, helped stave off the unbearable heat for a while. For my mind, at least—my body was another thing entirely. Every inch of my thin shirt and pants was soaked and plastered to me, and my braid was dripping a steady puddle onto my thigh.
I was certain I would leave a steaming lake on my seat if I stood.
When Gallan got up to check in with each of us, I wasn’t sure how much more time had passed, but he started at the furthest end from me.
He tipped each of my co-contestants’ faces up, examining them, asking them to follow his finger with their eyes and then to squeeze his hands.
Each of them then received stern instructions to drink or see themselves disqualified.
At least I was well prepared for his assessment.
His silver-black eyes were scrutinizing as hell as he scanned my face, and I knew my reactions were slower than I wanted. Slower than he wanted too.
“Do you feel nauseated?” he asked. “Lightheaded?”
The answers to those were yes and yes, but I shook my head.
Gallan tsked and pointed to my waterskin.
“Drink.” He leaned in and whispered, “I will be so disappointed if I have to disqualify you.”
My towel was already sopping wet, but I still wiped my face with it before I tossed Gallan a scathing glance and grabbed my waterskin.
“Yes, Father,” I grumbled as I took the smallest sip I could manage.
Immediate relief mapped a chilled path to my stomach, and I could’ve groaned—nearly distracting enough to drown out the sound of retching that kicked up beside me. The decision I made to not overdo it with my earlier meals clearly was a sound one.
As I sat there for minutes that passed with agonizing slowness, keenly aware of the way Gallan kept glancing at me, I wondered if it had all been a ruse.
Little noise came from the other rooms outside of some dull chatter, and the rest of the contestants in my room all looked rather calm still.
Maybe there wasn’t anything in the water after all, and they wanted to see who could be broken or persuaded more easily than the others.
Sadly, it didn’t take long for me to realize it wasn’t a ruse at all.
I’d let my eyes fall shut again, trying to think back to cool winds and brisk mornings in Odessa’s mountains, when a ripple of unease worked its way through my spine, like the precursor to a too-many-pints-of-ale dizziness that would make me sick.
When I opened my eyes to stave off the impending spins, I found my father sitting in the empty seat beside me.
My entire body tensed.
This wasn’t real, I told myself quickly. Just my mind and whatever was in that water playing a cruel trick on me.