Chapter 35 Peytor
Chapter Thirty-Five
Peytor
Igrumbled and growled the whole way from the training grounds, up the salt-weathered exterior stone steps, into the foyer, and up the interior staircase that led to mine and Folami’s room. Though this time, I added a hefty slam of my boot with each step.
I wasn’t stomping—I wasn’t a toddler—but my frustration and rapidly building insecurities were ruling my emotions more often than not lately, causing my actions to bleed more toward my basic instincts.
At Torin’s behest, I’d left the stables and joined him at the training grounds today to watch him and my sister train. The horses were my safe place right now, the calm in the storm of my riotous emotions, and dragging myself out of their nearly pristine stalls was a feat in and of itself.
But for my friend and sister, I figured I could muster enough courage and energy to show my support.
Little did I know that Lex, Ilyas, and Folami would also be joining.
Granted, nearly half of our army appeared at some point or another to watch Ellowyn and Torin wield their powers.
Even I was in awe throughout their demonstrations, drawn by their absolute command and seemingly endless wells.
As an unBonded Vessel, I doubted I’d ever know that kind of raw power.
My well wasn’t very deep to begin with, and Air Vessels were the most common in Elyria.
Never mind the fact that I was hopelessly in love with a Pain Vessel and was developing unwanted feelings for a Pleasure Vessel and him.
I growled again, slamming the door to our room with unnecessary force at just the thought of Lex.
There he was, charming as ever, cozying up to Ilyas and Folami, as if it was already a forgone conclusion that she would join his little harem.
Perhaps it was—maybe fighting the call of a True Bond was too difficult, maybe he’d won her over with his wit and compassionate nature.
Gods knew I was already halfway in love with him, and he wasn’t even trying to seduce me.
And maybe that was my biggest problem with everything. It wasn’t that he was trying to take Folami from me—our bond was deeper than that, and I knew she’d never truly leave me. She’d simply find a way to split herself into multiple parts, just to please the ones she loved.
No—maybe my problem was that Lex knew of Folami’s and my shared history. Knew without a shred of doubt that our relationship would continue despite her call as his True Bond and, despite that knowledge, he still only focused on her, leaving me without.
I’m being selfish, I admonished as I paced the bedroom floor, a second activity that I found myself participating in more often than not.
This wasn’t me—I wasn’t this crazed, jealous human. I had morals and scruples, I was compassionate and soft, not this ugly, twisted version of myself.
I need time away, time to think.
As soon as the thought came to me, it fled as the door opened, soft voices spilling in from the hallway as Folami said goodbye to Lex and Ilyas.
Instantly, my hackles rose again, that gnawing monster in my chest growing louder as I watched Folami’s face transform from one of pure bliss to one of caution.
Gods, I put that expression there. I changed that for her.
Guilt swam in my gut, thick and overpowering, until I could barely breathe through the weight that settled on my chest. I ran my hands through my hair, ends sticking out with the motion.
The door clicked shut softly behind Folami, encasing us in silence so tense I could practically reach out and touch it.
“I think we need to ta—”
“I need to leave Lishahl,” I blurted, cutting off whatever Folami was going to say.
Hurt and surprise flickered across her face for an instant before she disguised those emotions behind an unfeeling mask.
That, more than anything else, nearly broke me—she didn’t do that anymore, not with me.
We were open and honest with each other, shared our fears and our dreams. To see her revert back to what she showed everyone else cut me like a hot knife, my heart held in my hands as an offering for her.
“I need to leave,” I repeated, quieter this time. Despite the hurt my words inflicted, this decision was right. “I can’t be here while whatever happens between you and Lex . . . happens.”
Folami blinked slowly, arms folding across her chest in a defensive maneuver.
My heart continued to splinter and break.
“I love you with every fiber of my being, Folami,” I pleaded, voice cracking with emotion. “But I need to have some time away from it all.”
Silence hung between us, and I darted my eyes back to hers.
“Say something,” I pleaded.
“What do you want me to say, Peytor?” she asked, voice devoid of emotion. “That I want you to go? That you should leave Lishahl? Leave Itanya? Leave me?”
I winced as her words landed.
“I don’t want that. Even with your horrific attitude and inability to see what’s right in front of you, I don’t want that. I want you to stay and work it out, to hear what I have to say, what they have to say.”
“I can’t stay here and watch you fall in love with them,” I whispered, tears leaking from my eyes to track down my cheeks.
Folami remained as stone, impassive and unbreakable.
“Then maybe it is best you leave,” she said.
A keening noise left my lips at her inadvertent admission.
She’s falling in love with them—maybe is already in love with them.
I nodded, hands still wrapped tightly in the strands of my hair. “Okay. Okay, yeah. Okay, I’ll . . . I’ll just leave,” I mumbled, suddenly numb.
Folami stood still, watching as I hastily grabbed a sack from beneath our shared bed and haphazardly shoved random objects and articles of clothing inside. I couldn’t think, couldn’t see, could barely breathe.
Every fiber of my being was screaming for me to go while urging me to stay.
I was a mess and in no fit state to be around her—I’d only hurt her in the end and that was the last thing I wanted.
But I couldn’t articulate those thoughts; my tongue was heavy in my mouth, body quickly numbing to the onslaught of pain I was sure would come soon.
Once my bag was packed, I cinched it tight and slung it over my shoulder. Folami still hadn’t moved, her face an impressive mask of stone, but her eyes betrayed her inner thoughts.
Instead of harshness, I only saw raw pain. So much so that her brown eyes were wet, emotion threatening to spill over her lower lashes.
“Folami,” I breathed, reaching a tentative hand toward her. She flinched, and pain lanced through me as I quickly withdrew my touch as if burned.
“Go,” she spat, lifting her chin toward the door. “Just go,” she said softer.
I stood staring at her for a moment longer, willing her to look at me, but she refused.
With a heavy sigh and even heavier steps, I reached the door, turning at the last second to make eye contact once more. I let her see all the broken jagged pieces of me, all the love and desire I would always hold for her.
“I’ll be back, Folami,” I promised. “This is not where we end.”
She said nothing, but I watched as a singular tear rolled down her cheek, the two of us a mirror.
As soon as the door was closed, I breathed deeply, knowing this was the right path despite my heavy heart.
A broken sob sounded from our room, and it took everything in me not to open the door again, not to pull her into my arms and hold her while she broke.
Instead, I turned and headed down the stairs, looking for an escape that would heal her rather than break her completely.