29. #2
“I am so sorry,” I tell her, and feel my voice cracking a bit. “For not coming to you sooner; for getting so distracted with finding Timothy that I didn’t realize you might need me. I…” I sigh when she presses herself against me. “Baby, I am so fucking sorry.”
She shakes her head as her hauntingly beautiful eyes glaze over.
“Stop.” She blinks and swallows, and I watch as a single tear slips down her waterline.
“You couldn’t have known. Hell, I was with Timothy, and he didn’t mention Fredrick being here at all.
So yeah, it’s safe to say that we were all blindsided by his presence, Dorran, just like we were by his actions. ”
“That doesn’t change the fact that I failed at keeping you safe, Cigs,” I say.
“Did I ask you to protect me? Have I ever insinuated that I need saving?”
“I–no. But–”
“Well, then fucking stop blaming yourself. That’s survivor’s guilt 101.”
“But you’re mine, Cignette, and I can’t see you like this,” I grit out, cupping the side of her face and aligning my face against hers. “You’re mine , and absolutely no one gets to hurt you and live. That is a luxury they lose the moment they decide to touch you.”
She smiles. “I am yours,” she affirms. “And I want you to give Fredrick tenfold the amount of pain he’s given me.
But Dor, I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened to me tonight, because in our line of work, these things can be detrimental for our state of mind.
Accountability is one thing, but outright accusing yourself isn’t reasonable.
” She brings a hand forward and touches her bleeding palm to my jaw, then places the other on my chest. “Loving you is a fucking blood sport, Dorran, and I accepted my fate the night you climbed my balcony to see me after breaching my mother’s estate security.
There’s no hesitation or doubt here; I know what I’m in for, and I’m perfectly fine with it. ”
To say that I’m awestruck by her admission would be an understatement. As I study her – a breathtaking, physically maimed woman with the kind of strength not many possess – I feel a rush of something strong, something indescribable.
I run the pad of my thumb over the jagged cut on the side of her bottom lip, then lean in and kiss her.
She inhales a soft breath as she parts for me, and when the taste of her blood hits my tongue, I close my eyes and let myself have this moment.
I find comfort in the faint smell of her perfume as I hold her flush against me, and sigh when she wraps her lips around mine and kisses me harder.
There’s no feeling in this world more superior than the one of having Cignette in my arms. Of her beating heart reassuring me of her presence; of her delicate touches that are my kryptonite.
She is my everything, plain and simple, and for her, I’ll incinerate the entire motherfucking cosmos if I have to.
I break the kiss and touch my forehead to hers. “I love you so much, Cigs,” I say. “Just like madness craves the wicked, I’m addicted to you. We are as close as two humans can be, yet I can’t help but ache for you. You’re my fucking anchor, baby, and without you, I know for a fact that I’d drown.”
She blinks as she studies me, then smiles and shakes her head a little. “Look at you, trying to woo me with words.”
I lift a shoulder. “Well, is it working?”
She chuckles. “It always does, doesn’t it?” she tells me. “And it always will; you know that already, you asshole.”
I grin, then run my knuckles over her cheekbone. “Good to know I’ve still got it in me.”
She rolls her eyes, but then her brows crease, and she stumbles against me, her hands swiftly grasping my forearms as she rights herself.
“Whoa, hey.” I hold onto her waist as she breathes heavily, her eyes seeming a bit out of focus. “Cigs, what’s wrong?”
She swallows and licks her lips, then sets a hand on my chest. “It’s nothing.”
I stare at her. “It’s not nothing, woman; you just tripped while standing .”
She opens her mouth to say something, most probably to deny my concern, but I stop her before she can give me an excuse.
“Look at me,” I tell her. “Look straight at me.”
She sighs and lifts her head, then brings her gaze to mine.
I shift closer to her still, and watch as her eyes track my movement.
“Good, now look to your left.”
“Seriously, Dor?”
“Shut the fuck up and do as you’re told.”
Her lips flatten in a thin line, but she moves her eyes to the left.
“The other way now,” I order.
She clicks her tongue, clearly irritated, but glances to her right. She then brings her eyes forward again and narrows them at me. “Satisfied?”
I cup the side of her neck and give her a soft kiss. “Not really. Let’s go to the ER and get you checked out.”
She grits her teeth. “What about Fredrick?”
I arch a brow. “Well, news flash, sweetheart: that sewer rat and his band of misfits are not my priority right now.”
“But we’d be letting them escape by not dealing with them, Dor,” she persists.
“Absolutely not. I’ll have Aras hold him and his people in. I can fuck the bastard up later; he ain’t leaving here tonight, that’s for sure.”
“No.” She blinks. “I want to see him hurt – now . I want him to pay, Dorran. I want him to fucking feel what he made me feel.”
“Listen to m–”
“Please,” she says, fisting my shirt. “Please.”
“Little Swan…” I frown as I study the bruises on her face again, conflicted between giving her what she wants and putting her health first. And then, because I know I can’t defy her, I let go of a breath and give her a nod.
“Fine. But the moment you feel dizzy or unwell, you tell me. No excuses, no lagging. Promise me, Cigs.”
Her face all but lights up as she smiles. “I promise.”
“And once I’m done with Fred, you’ll let me take you to the ER.”
“I will, I promise.”
I shake my head at her. “You’re too stubborn for your own good.”
She rises on her tiptoes and presses her lips to my jaw. “And you’re the best,” she says.
“Yeah, yeah.” I wrap my arms around her waist and give her yet another kiss, just because I can. “Come on, let me rough up a drug lord for you.”
“ Thank you ,” she all but sings, making me laugh.