36.
“D orran…”
I wake up with a jolt as soon as I hear her calling out my name. Pushing myself up into a seated position on the leather couch that’s placed next to the ICU room’s door, I rub the pads of my fingers over my eyes. “Cigs, you okay?”
“Dor?”
I stand and walk over to the bed, then gently squeeze her hand. “Hey, I’m here.”
She opens her eyes and squeezes my hand in return. The early morning light streaming into the room casts a muted shadow over her side profile, accentuating her radiant features even more.
It’s a comfort to hear her soft, even breaths, as well as the heart monitor beeping in complete sync with her chest.
“You need some water?” I ask her.
She shakes her head, moaning and grimacing as she does. “I’m good, thanks.” She’s quiet for a few seconds, and then, “Is Chris alright?” she questions.
I contemplate lying to her, but my brief pause quickly catches her attention.
“Dor, tell me ,” she urges.
I sigh, taking a seat on her bedside chair. “He didn’t make it, Cigs,” I say honestly. “I’m pretty sure he passed away seconds after Heyman shot him.”
She closes her eyes, and at first, I think she has abruptly fallen asleep. But then I see a tear streaking down her closed eyelids before disappearing into her hairline.
“He didn’t deserve that,” Cignette whispers, then opens her eyes and looks up at me with furrowed brows. “He was a good man, Dor.”
“He hurt you, Cigs,” I remind her. “ More than once , if I remember correctly.”
“Yes, he did. But everything he did, he did it because Fredrick and Heyman ordered him to,” she argues.
I scoff. “That’s no excuse to beat up someone who did nothing to him .”
She gives me a long look, then makes to turn sideways in bed, but I stop her by gently placing a hand on her wrist.
“He thought we could save him, you know,” she tells me, then lets out a soft, humorless laugh. “He told me that he was tired of killing for Fred; sick of killing for nothing . He wanted his job to have a meaning, a–”
“A purpose,” I complete for her, then swallow against the sudden dryness in my throat.
“Exactly.” She gives me a faint smile as she shifts to lie on her back. “I know you operate with that very same protocol, which is why I wanted Chris to get out of Fred’s service. I thought maybe if not us, then perhaps Solo could help him.”
“I’m so sorry, Cigs,” I say, and mean it. “I wish there was something I could do.”
“Yeah, me too.” She sniffs as another tear slips down her temple. “I guess he saw hope in me – a speck of light or some shit.”
“Well, I can’t exactly blame him for that. You are my light and shit , after all.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s you , Ledger.” She grimaces as she adjusts her head against the pillow, then lets go of a soft sigh before looking at me.
“You’re the reason the crew exists to begin with.
You’re the source that binds us all together, both physically and mentally.
I seriously can’t imagine my life without you, and I’m confident that the others feel the same. ”
“You really know how to make a man feel special,” I quip, even though I’m both flustered and terrified after hearing what she just said.
I know I’m not alone, and I’m grateful to my family for always sticking by me.
But also, knowing that they’ve so selflessly put their emotions and their lives on the pedestal for me – time and again, that is – makes me feel…
I don’t know, intensely aware of the responsibility I carry.
The crew’s safety has always been my number one priority, but now more than ever, I’ve gotta keep my head in the game and avoid any and every fuckups that might come my way.
I don’t exactly have the luxury of making mistakes anymore.
“Hey.”
I blink and look at Cigs, who is smiling at me.
“Hey,” I say, moving my hand from her wrist to her palm, twining my fingers with hers.
“To whatever end, remember?” she reminds me.
I chuckle, not even surprised that she’s read the apprehension on my face. Again . “To whatever end, I promise.”
Her smile broadens. “Good, now get in bed and hold me while I sleep. I need your aggressively loud inner thoughts barging into my brain so that I can finally get some proper rest.”
I shake my head as I laugh, then get to my feet before taking off my shoes. “Fucking menace , that’s what you are.”
Instead of saying anything, she smiles again and turns to her left, then wiggles her ass at me, which only makes me laugh harder.
Menace. A complete and utter menace, this woman.