11. Raya
RAYA
I scanned from the floor to the roof of the worn building ahead of me that stood sentinel in the middle of the desert wasteland before inhaling a nervous breath. The only people who had ever seen the inside of it were guards or our defence, and many had only spied it from a distance. It wasn’t like there was any reason for an Alpha to be seen wandering this close to our shield.
But I’d been close enough times to feel nervous about finally seeing what went on behind those thick sandstone walls that seemed to blend so seamlessly with the landscape. Tired, worn, but strong. A fair representation of the Alphas who trained within it to defend us.
Now, it was my turn.
Today would mark a first for both myself and this building. It would be the first day someone like me would be invited inside its walls, and I would be lying if I said I was feeling confident about it.
The only gifted defence.
The air around me felt thick from the humidity as the afternoon sun blazed down, more unforgiving than usual. My body scrambled, working overtime to cool itself as every inch of my exposed skin glistened with sweat, adding to an already shitty day.
I didn’t want to be here. No one did. But I didn’t have the liberty of a choice.
I took a deep breath in. This is it, Raya.
I lifted my foot to take my first step towards my fate, but a hand gripped my forearm painfully before wrenching me back.
Asshole.
I had done my best to tune him out the entirety of the trek here, and I’d say I was successful in forgetting about the guards’ presence. They were an unfortunate early wake-up call I couldn’t run from. Zander hadn’t trusted that I would participate and follow through with his commands, and therefore, he gave me an escort.
“We are not done,” the guard growled, and I turned towards him in both anger and confusion.
“I am doing what I was asked!”
The second guard pulled something thick out of his satchel, drawing my brows together in suspicion. The black lid flapped open to reveal what looked like medical equipment. What the? My frown deepened.
“We are not done,” the first guard repeated. “You will now be coded to our system for tracking.”
My brows rose in exasperation. “Tracking? There was no mention of tracking at my meeting with Zander—I mean, the Supreme.”
The guard’s lip curled back. “Got something to hide, Defective?”
I opened my mouth and closed it, clenching my teeth tightly together before shaking my head. It was no use. It’s not like we could go anywhere with a shield enclosing our city.
The other Omega holding the offending object, which I now recognised as a thick needle, stepped forward, his eyes kind and reassuring. “It will hurt less if you don’t resist,” he offered, but I pursed my lips. This was far less freedom than I’d bartered for. Still, I would trade it for my mother’s life.
The asshole of the pair gripped my arm tightly. “You deserve much worse. I know what your kind is like.”
I blinked profusely at him. My kind? There were none of my kind here, and I had only ever been giving, kind even. My eyes watered from the body odour that floated up off his clothing, his forehead dripping with sweat. I wouldn’t give him the gift of a reply.
Gentle fingers touched my arm as sympathetic eyes searched mine. “Ready?” the other asked, and I nodded, the sharp pinch of pain in the delicate skin of my neck following quickly after.
I slapped a hand on it to apply pressure the moment the needle left my skin, rubbing against the now tender spot, feeling more like a product than a person. This feeling only intensified when the guards left quickly after, no questions asked or aftercare offered.
I gave myself a single moment to recover, an itch slightly rising at the spot where the needle had punctured before I turned back towards the compound and strode to the ornate bronze front door. I couldn’t think about the fact that I had a tracker under my skin now, nor how uneasy I felt that Zander knew my whereabouts at all times. With my hand held high, I gave three short but sharp raps and then waited.
A scuffling noise faintly sounded as a latch clicked over and the door swung open, revealing a tall, lanky Alpha I’d seen hanging around Bodhi on occasion. Hayden. I stared at his face, flushed red from exertion as he inhaled rapidly to catch his breath. Training had already started for the day. Damn it. Now my arrival would be extremely noticeable.
“Raya, good to see you,” he greeted warmly. I’d never really spoken to the Alpha before this. Though he’d never been outwardly rude to me, unlike some, he had also never truly bothered to engage me. It made his introduction feel strange and more familiar than we were. “Come through.”
He threw the heavy door open wider before turning and walking briskly over to the far right of the small, empty entryway to a second door, which had a small pin pad on the side. I panicked quickly, looking at the door now beginning to swing back shut, and darted through the opening to stand beside him in front of the other. The bang of the door shutting reverberated so loudly around the space that it felt like my bones were vibrating.
I was glad the room had been plunged into darkness with it, save for the small light near the keypad. It meant Hayden didn’t see me flinch. With the absence of light, I noticed the change in temperature to something far more pleasant and almost relieving for my skin. A small thing to be grateful for, given my souring day, and in times like this, I needed to acknowledge the small wins now more than ever.
Fingers tapped away against the pad ahead of us as I shifted lightly back and forth on either foot in anticipation. Bohdi had always kept this part of his life separate, though I knew most of the faces of the defence, having seen them out in the community. They’d always been cliquey, as Alphas usually are, and now I was forced into a position where I would have to actively try and find where I fit. If they would let me.
“You can relax, you know. You are one of us now.” He seemed kind enough from what I’d observed, but I definitely wasn’t like them at all. I knew the moment I displayed my power, everyone in the room would become wary. In a city where trust was limited, my power always put people on edge, even more so if they witnessed it in use.
I dipped my head slightly in thanks, though my gut began to ache as I followed him down the staircase.
Down, down, down we went into the darkness, with only a small sliver of artificial light underlining the edge of each step. The temperature noticeably cooled the further we went, reaching its lowest point when we came to a complete stop at the bottom in front of another door with a small blue light.
Hayden entered a code into the pin pad by the door and pushed it open to a warmer room with floor-to-ceiling mirrors on the walls. There were two heavy bronze doors off to the sides, leading to what I guessed were beds, bathrooms, and likely a kitchen of some sort.
I stepped through the doorway, my eyes immediately closing to a squint in protest to the obnoxiously bright light. It was an almost painful contrast to the darkened staircase.
The first person I noticed when my vision adjusted was Bohdi in the corner with no damn shirt on. He was sparring aggressively with…oh, anyone but her. Klarissa. My eyes narrowed to slits as I watched her dart closer, trying to grab and grapple him, smiling flirtatiously and drawing a laugh from him when she managed to pull him to the mats. My hands twitched, and Hayden coughed beside me, pulling my attention back to him and his stupid, knowing grin.
“You should just tell him you like him,” he supplied as he twirled the ring piercing his lip.
“Everyone likes him. You already know this,” I stated, being carefully avoidant of the true meaning of his question. My attention snagged back on the pair of them on the floor, jealousy twisting in my gut as her nails dragged down Bodhi’s skin playfully and Hayden laughed.
“Hmm…” he pondered. “Well if you aren’t going to be honest, then I guess you will have to learn to deal with that.” He jerked his thumb in the direction of Bodhi, who was now standing again with a towel to his forehead, wiping away his sweat. I ogled him, tracking his movements and following the trail of sweat that ran down from his pecs, over every hard ridge of his abdominal muscles, to absorb into his shorts. He was goddamn fit. Super fit. It was unfortunate Klarissa was still hovering nearby.
Hayden’s laughter erupted from beside me as he clasped a hand on my shoulder with a squeeze before he leaned in closer. “I promise I won’t tell him, Raya.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. His easy-going nature and conversation with me so far had me feeling much more at ease. I was grateful that, outside of Bodhi, he was the first Alpha who had greeted me today.
A dark shadow in my periphery caught my eye, and I turned towards Bodhi, who promptly snatched Hayden’s lingering hand and crushed it, forcing him to the floor with a howl of laughter. I stared between the two of them, both with stupid grins on their faces.
“Is this usual?” I asked, looking between the two.
Bodhi nodded as Hayden quipped, “Are we talking about the part where Bodhi is irrationally possessive of you or—" Bodhi’s glare was so fierce, laughter again burst forth from Hayden as he fought to get up off the floor.
Clearly, he enjoyed antagonising, and I decidedly quite liked that about him.
Bodhi’s cheeks flushed, and I took that as an opportunity to steer the topic to safer territory. “So do I finally get to see you shift today?”
Bodhi’s shifted form was the main thing I could confidently say I was super excited about seeing. I had never been allowed to view it, though I’d wondered if his form was as outwardly beautiful as he was.
He smiled nervously before confirming, “You will.” Then, he took my hand and pulled me over towards Klarissa, Hayden steadily following behind and a shorter, darker-skinned woman moving to take her place beside the antagonistic Alpha.
There were few bodies in the room today, Alphas fighting in pairs, some younger and some clear veterans a little older than me. However, it didn’t take many years to be considered a veteran with the risk being part of the defence posed and the toll that it wrecked on your body. Still, I wanted to know who exactly I was fighting alongside, especially when there were fewer than I expected, given the number of Omegas they protected each year.
“Will I not be introduced to everyone?” I asked. The group wasn’t ridiculously large, but Bodhi still shook his head.
“Everyone here knows that if you do not already know someone. It is better for everyone if you don’t bother to rectify that. Learn their faces, Raya, but that is all.” His tone was grim and hollow, and I swallowed painfully at the thought of it as I glanced around the room, noting how young some of these Alphas looked. I could read between the lines of what he meant by a comment like that, no matter how much I resented it.
Because they die.
I swallowed a painful lump and intentionally scanned the remainder of the room. Plain, midnight blue paint coated the walls that weren’t entirely covered by mirrors with deep blue padded mats lining the floor for protection. A small, open-shelved cabinet sat off to the side with a few water bottles and clothing, along with a couple of benches on the wall that totalled the amount of furniture in the room. It was basic, but still nicer than our homes.
Grunts and heavy breathing filled the room along with the thump and smack of punches and kicks. The vicious intensity with which these Alpha trained made it abundantly clear we were all here for the same reason: to protect the ones we loved, no matter the cost. I found I could, at the very least, feel an invisible tether of comradery connecting them to me simply because of that.
Klarissa had her hands on her hips, a snarky smile on her face, which she managed to maintain right up until I stood directly in front of her.
“Welcome Defective,” she purred, undeterred by Bodhi’s sharp glare.
I gave her a warm smile despite it; she would learn just how much control I actually had soon, just as they all would.
“This is our smaller training squad, Raya. We divvy up often, working to each other’s skills and expertise. Each of us here leads our own squad out on the field, so I thought it would be wise for you to start here with us.”
I nodded in confirmation to Bodhi, who gestured his hand towards the woman with dark braids down her back, encouraging her to step forward. She almost bounced towards me, taking my hand in hers. “I’m Apple. It’s nice to finally meet you, Raya!”
I couldn’t help but smile back, her grin only growing larger, exposing the small gap in her front teeth. “It’s nice to meet you, Apple. I look forward to getting to know you better.” Her smile didn’t falter, though the light in her eyes slightly dimmed. My own lips quickly dropped. I would need to change the way I acknowledged people. The only time we had was the present.
Bodhi clapped his hands together, jerking my attention back towards him. “Alright, we may as well get into it. Klarissa?”
I barely had time to blink before Klarissa was gone, and in her place, a large, sleek cat stalked towards me and bared her teeth with a low growl. I forced my body to lock into place to stop my instinctive want to retreat. She shifted back just as abruptly and turned her back on me with a mocking sway of her hips.
My mouth parted in shock. I blinked, and I missed seeing the actual transformation. Irrespective, it was incredible to witness. Her shifted form was as stunning as she was. I checked myself out in the mirror behind her and just as quickly looked away, dissatisfied.
“Bohdi is the tactical lead in the field. Klarissa is his second. They overarch all of us here.” I nodded along to Apple’s explanation as Hayden joined her, stepping slightly away from me. I granted them space, shuffling back a few steps to allow enough room. Standing side by side, they made a stunning pair, with Hayden’s pale skin in wonderful contrast to the depth of Apple’s.
With a small smile, Hayden shifted first into a huge, thick black snake with yellow eyes, followed by Apple into a slightly smaller, though still oversized, snake, whose tail rattled gratingly behind her.
I couldn’t stop my instinctive step back this time.
I hated snakes.
At my retreat, they shifted back quickly. Hayden looked apologetic, trying to reassure me. “We would never hurt you.”
I scrunched my face up in frustration at myself. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop that response. I haven’t seen any shifters in their alternate forms, and you were both a lot bigger than I was expecting.” I fiddled with my ring nervously, annoyed for showing any weakness.
Bohdi’s encouraging grin lit up his face, and I couldn’t help but return it: he knew how deep my aversion ran. The bastard knew of their forms and hadn’t even prepared me.
My gaze followed him as he moved forward to stand in the centre of my vision, facing forward. “Raya, I want to warn you: I’m not like the others. Please remember, I’m still me, and I would never, ever hurt you.”
His eyes searched my own, waiting for me to say it was okay to proceed. It was. I was excited. “I know.” His chest rose and fell with purposeful breaths as he nodded and took one step further away from me.
“It’s still me,” he murmured with soft eyes before slowly stripping down.
I averted my eyes up to the ceiling briefly. I was already extremely nervous and didn’t know what to expect. I knew he would be bigger than a typical animal, based on the size of the others’ forms. But with him, never once had I been able to guess his shifted form. Nothing had ever come to mind.
Once I saw the colours shift in my peripheral, I slowly, so very slowly, lowered my gaze back to him.
To it.
The initial emotion that flooded my muscles was terror and an itching desire to run as far and as fast as I could to use up the adrenaline that ricocheted through my system. My breathing came in short and fast, so I focused on it, just as Mum had taught me; otherwise, my power was going to go haywire.
I kept my face and body language entirely neutral for his sake; the other Alphas were watching me carefully, measuring my response. I was now, after all, one of them. I would need to start acting like it. However, what stood in front of me was no distinctive animal, though some sort of bird was likely closest. Bohdi stood tall and proud, terrifyingly unknown and magnificent. Monster may have most appropriately described him.
I stayed still and observed him as he allowed me a moment to take him in. He was huge, standing closer to eight feet tall. He still had many human-like features: a broad, defined chest and arms that still looked the same. His powerful legs were still there, though his feet were now feather-covered claws. His head had also changed to look more like a mix between an owl and a man, still with the same strong jawline and mouth, though he had much larger eyes that were entirely glowing amber. The more incredible part of his shifted form were the huge wings that hung loosely at his back. He could fly—I would forever be jealous of that.
Bohdi clasped his hands together and rubbed the backs of them with his fingertips: his nervous habit. He was still him. I edged my way forward to reassure him I wasn’t afraid, even though it wasn’t entirely true. I knew I would get past it, that it would just become a normal part of my life, but it still took some getting used to.
Step by step, I crept forward and slowly, almost cautiously, reached out my hand to touch him.
Would I hate it?
But the thought disappeared as soon as my fingers made contact with the mottled brown feathers on his chest, which were so incredibly soft to the touch. Immediately, my hands sought to explore in wonder as I grazed them across his chest and down his arms to the rough, leathery skin of his forearms and clawed hands. He would be hard to spot, with the various browns colouring his shifted form. The only identifying feature in the dark would be the luminous eyes that glowed as vibrantly as the moon.
He was scary like this. I would hate to be someone who didn’t know of him, to come across him in the dark. I raked my hand back and forth across his feathered chest, the softness oddly jarring to his unsettling appearance. I stepped back with joy, aware that others were waiting expectantly on my thoughts. I hadn’t believed my opinion mattered so significantly, but seeing the looks on each of their faces, I could tell that perhaps, something about this moment was important. Perhaps my opinion of them, as someone who wasn’t like them, did matter.
“You all have beautiful shifted forms. It is incredible to have the opportunity to see for myself.” I meant every word, even for Klarissa.
The others’ expressions softened in relief as two long arms circled me from behind and spun me around. Bohdi breathed out a soft, “Thank you,” just for me to hear. The words were simple, but for some reason, the meaning behind them felt like so much more. My heart clenched, because even though he had lived with us for so long, this part of him he’d had to keep separate. They all had.
“Your turn,” Klarissa snapped, and I glared before stepping away from Bodhi’s arm. I wouldn’t give this Alpha a moment to breathe before she regretted being so rude to me.
I managed to cast a quick, dark smile at her before portaling directly behind her, my lips hovering right near her ear. “Scared yet?”
She ran directly into Bodhi’s chest, her eyes wide and angry. I laughed loudly until I noticed that Apple and Hayden had backed away slightly, their bodies more rigid than before, their wary eyes assessing me.
I silenced myself again after that; I knew I’d gotten too comfortable too quickly, and that same sad feeling twisted in my chest again. Although I was known as a defective Gifted, I would still always be considered a threat.
It was a fate I could never seem to escape, no matter how much I tried.