19. Riley
RILEY
I wasn’t meant to be out tonight. After I’d returned from the Alpha compound, Zander had directed Sly to keep me inside. Another night in his prison while he could leave to do whatever he pleased. It was beginning to grate at me.
Zander could be a desperate lover, going to great lengths to keep me close, to force me into the box he wanted me to fit in. I’d grown to look forward to defying him, even if he didn’t know. It helped me cling to a sense of agency and control.
I’d requested to go to the rooftop tonight to think beneath the stars. Sly had gladly followed me, all humour and smiles, clearly not intent on following Zander’s orders to keep me in my chains. I think he looked forward to the glimpses of myself I’d allowed him. I quite enjoyed that he looked forward to seeing the realest parts of me.
I seated myself on some pillows rimming the illuminated petals marking the walls of the rooftop, rubbing the excess moisturizer I’d recently put on deep into my skin. Sly had seated himself near the entrance, further away than usual, something I was quietly thankful for.
For some reason, when I looked at him, I just felt guilty and trapped, especially when I caught him staring at me with an expression I couldn’t seem to name. I watched as he fiddled with the cuffs of his suit, that little dimple in his cheek that I liked so much visible.
“Do you ever get bored being a guard and taking orders all day?” I asked, eager to disrupt my own thoughts of him and break the silence between us.
He looked up towards me with a soft smile. “Not so much these days. But I used to.”
I hummed and trailed my hand across a glowing petal beside me before flicking my gaze back towards him. He leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed, his face relaxed as he simply breathed.
I couldn’t help but watch him. He was beautiful, though I’d never thought too much on it. I’d never thought too much about anyone other than Zander. It had caught me off guard.
The corners of his mouth slowly lifted, as if thinking about something that brought him joy. I wondered if he was thinking about her, the lover he lost. My heart pinched.
I closed my own eyes, imagining a world where I was loved by someone like him instead of Zander. I wondered about the person I would be if I had that kind of freedom, and I wondered if he would be any different if he had that too.
A soft laugh bubbled up, and I quickly cut it off as I realised it had escaped me, my eyes darting open to find Sly staring at me.
My face shifted and smoothed reactively. He frowned. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” I asked curiously, unclear as to what I did that drew a frown to his face.
“Change. Mute your emotions. Hide your joy. Whatever you just did. I hate that.” He flicked his hand up and down my body.
My lips parted in surprise at the way he addressed me. Even though I should feel encouraged from his statement, I felt slightly hurt. Some days, I felt like I couldn’t please anyone.
My head dipped towards my lap as I drew my lips between my teeth. I needed to distract from wherever that conversation would head.
“Will you tell me about the female I remind you of?” I spoke the words softly, the wind lifting and taking them right towards him. I lifted my head again to find him watching me, his expression more pained than before.
He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, the vein on the side of his head ticking as he clenched his jaw.
I looked away, embarrassed that I had asked. I didn’t have a right to intimate information like that.
“She was perfect,” he began, forcing me to look back up at him. “Always so perfect, like she didn’t even have to try. Everything she did was for others, and the way she lit up when she helped people, it was like the sun emerging from behind the clouds right after a storm swept in.” He paused, a smile on his face.
“She loved the garden and the children from our village who would come down and help her. They trampled so much, yet she never complained, only showed them how to nurture and grow something from seed to harvest. She wasn’t Gifted, but the way she worked with plants and how well they responded to her, she might well have been hiding it from us.”
I leaned forward, smiling painfully as he spoke. She sounded wonderful. Perhaps someone I might have called a friend had I known her.
“She had the most brilliant smile, gave the best massages in existence, and her laugh…” He stops, his eyes glistening as he stared up at the sky above. “Hearing her laugh brought more joy to my life than anything else before. It’s the one thing I wish to hear again most of all.”
My chest hurt when he spoke, and I fought against the flood of grief that threatened to breech my shore. Zander would never speak of me like this. Sly’s voice was filled to the brim with his emotions. I longed for that, but I would never choose myself over others.
And beneath all the pain and longing was that same unexpected twist of jealousy. Not of her, but of what she had: someone who loved her so fiercely, if only for a short while.
I blinked, an awareness creeping in that silence had seized the space between us and filled it with unspoken grief. I needed to speak, to say something to keep the conversation moving, anything to bury what his story had stirred.
“It sounds like you loved her very much.” Pathetic response, but my voice cracked at the end. I felt devastatingly lonely.
“Do you love him?” He’d asked a question I couldn’t have anticipated. No one had ever asked me this, only assumed it. My wide eyes locked on his.
He stared at me with that same funny expression I couldn’t even begin to name. Pity, perhaps? I don’t know. Either way, his question wasn’t one I could answer, not when my response would draw that pity right up to the surface—or seemingly strengthen whatever fragile connection existed between Sly and me. But the look on his face told me he wanted the answer, like it was the last barrier keeping him doing something drastic and terrible to pursue this connection, even if I knew it wouldn’t even compare to what he had with her.
I felt defeated.
When I didn’t respond, he turned his head away, his jaw clenching again. Seeing the hurt on his face made the feelings inside me worsen.
“Sorry, Riley. Just ignore my question.”
“It’s okay.” I was a skilled liar these days. Once again, I was failing someone, and there was already so much resting on my shoulders that if I had one slip up, everything I was working towards would tumble.
Eager for that distraction, I moved up to my knees, the pillows cushioning them from the hardwood bench as I twirled my body to look out between two luminous petals.
I knew the desert was behind me, a landscape I was familiar with yet despised. The outlook marking the other side of the Haven stood in direct opposition to the barren wasteland behind me in all its riotous traits. Hundreds of white buildings flushed the land ahead of me to the edge of the cliff, and then it was nothing but a sheer drop, down to the violent desires of the sea.
We were lucky to have access to water here, the shield stretching hundreds of metres out in the ocean before blocking our access to the world. This side of the Haven was the most generous, gifting our city with meat from fishing and drinking water through our filtration plant.
I popped my head up between the petals and looked down towards the rose garden, which rimmed the base of the tower in all its twilight perfection. Movement near the side gates drew my attention towards a small entry point to see Zander weaving his way through the paths, lightly touching rosebuds along the way.
My first instinct was to panic due to him being back so early and my small bit of freedom being cut short sooner than I’d expected. But it immediately settled into curiosity the moment he bypassed the turn that led towards the front door, instead choosing one further into his oasis.
Where is he going?
He signalled to a guard with a simple raise of his hand. The guard whistled to the others, who all moved from the rear of the building to stand guard at the front without a word.
“What are you doing, Riley?” I hadn’t heard Sly get up and move closer, though his voice sounded near. I couldn’t move to address him with my neck trapped between two petals.
I continued to follow Zander’s movements, all the way to the back of the building, his pace brisk and urgent, as if running behind on time. He was always early.
“Guard watching.” My answer was stunted and vague, my mind too riveted on the scene far below me.
I couldn’t think as I watched him, too focused on the oddity of the situation. Zander always had his guards follow him, even in his garden.
He reached the rear of the building, facing a section not covered by the thorny red roses that scrambled up the walls. I frowned, craning my neck further over the edge to confirm he was facing an empty white wall.
Firm hands gripped my hips, pulling me back from the edge.
“Riley.” A plea. An edge of fear was evident in his tone, but my hands gripped the petals tighter, driven by gut instinct that urged me to stay focused. I needed to see what was to come. There was so much at stake.
Zander raised his finger to press against the wall, a tiny spot just to the left. I watched the scene in fascination as the wall popped backwards and across, revealing a darkened doorway. He scanned once, twice around him, unaware of his Rose watching on, before stepping into the dark, the door sealing shut behind him.
I smiled triumphantly, leaning back to stare at the sloshing sea on the horizon.
I was right about this building, this container of secrets. This was powerful information, the kind I could wield.
First, I would need to think about what I intended to do with it, how far I might follow it, how I might get beyond the invisible doorway to see what lay beneath the garden’s surface. I turned towards Sly thoughtfully, his hands moving away from my hips.
“Did you know about the hidden doorway in this building?” I asked curiously.
He looked at me, his expression hardening. “I did, and it is not your concern, Riley,” he stated matter-of-factly. Any trace of our earlier, more emotional conversation had gone.
I didn’t like his tone or his dismissiveness, so I persisted.
“Have you been down there?” I retorted, unwilling to let this go. He didn’t truly understand my goal, nor how much effort I had put in, and he didn’t know how much I had given up for the little progress I had made.
His jaw ticked, and his expression twisted further. “I haven’t. Only he is allowed to access that part of the building. We do not question that order.”
I turned away from him in irritation, tired of the secrets Zander kept that we weren’t ever able to question.
“If I found a way to enter, would you want to know what’s down there?” My patience was thin today; time felt like it was slipping from my grip.
I was becoming desperate, too goal-oriented to not pursue the gift of knowledge I had been given today. It was an opportunity I didn’t want to miss.
“Yes,” he admitted reluctantly, “But we will likely never know what’s down there. The technology on that door allows entry to only few.
I beamed, knowing regardless I would find a way.
That was the only answer I needed as I came to my decision quickly. Whatever I could use, I would.
I would find my way into that building to see what Zander was hiding, something so coveted that not even I was allowed to lay eyes on it.
Whatever lay beyond those walls, whatever possession he held within, I needed to know. My gut was telling me, shouting at me, that what lay locked away from the light of the day may just be the solution I didn’t know I’d been looking for.