26. Riley
RILEY
Z ander’s mouth tasted like ash as his body pressed me hard against the counter this morning, my mind hyperaware of the fact that Sly was standing by the elevator door as he watched us. My fingers slid up his chest, gently beginning to push against him in a desperate attempt to give myself space.
Guilt was chafing me.
From the moment I’d awoken, Zander had been touchier than usual, which concerned me. His fingers had consistently been on my body, despite my many attempts to put space between us, and he kissed my lips more regularly as he passed me.
Every time he did, my eyes sought Sly’s, and my stomach wrenched with what I saw in the depths.
I just wanted Zander to leave me alone. I didn’t want to cause Sly this pain, even if we both knew I didn’t have a choice right now.
“What’s wrong, my Rose?” Zander asked as I pulled away with a fake smile on my lips for the second time this morning. His expression seemed concerned, though something glinted in his eye that unsettled me.
“I’m sorry,” I began as I ran my fingers up his arms and cupped his cheeks, dragging my thumb down his deceitful lips. “I still feel unwell today.”
Those same lips turned down as he pecked my cheek. “Do you want me to send for a nurse?”
I shook my head. “I think I just need some rest is all.”
He reached around and grabbed his mug, lifting it to his lips as he watched me curiously. I did my best to ensure I looked unwell, though I honestly felt like I didn’t have to try as much; his presence was enough of a deterrent. The weight of everything that had occurred within the past day was even more of a burden.
“I am heading out today. I will have Sly watch over you whilst I am gone.”
I could have groaned internally. Not him. Anyone but him. I didn’t want to be alone with him, not after everything that had happened. He was the one person I wanted to avoid because he was making my plans impossibly hard.
Because you like him. Because you want him.
I swatted the thoughts away quickly. I couldn’t like him.
“Okay. I’ll just be in bed today. Hopefully, it is just a short-term illness. I look forward to you coming home later.” I forced my head forward to scrape my lips just against his mouth in a barely-there kiss. I wanted it to be quick, to get it over with, to get him out of the house to leave me in peace.
But he couldn’t even let me have that. Instead, he gripped the back of my head and forced my mouth open, his tongue dipping inside to stroke against mine. My hairs stood on end, my stomach somersaulting with nausea, because Sly was forced to watch all of this, and I hated it. I needed to let him down sooner rather than later, before things became more complicated than they needed to be.
Zander slowed our kiss down with a few pecks to my lips. Satisfied, he stepped back with a warm smile before promptly making his way to the elevator and leaving.
When the doors closed, I finally turned around and got back to making my own breakfast. But the tension in my body didn’t seem to settle.
Soon, he would notice the missing Benefactor and take action. My stomach revolted as I lifted a piece of bread to my mouth, forcing me to promptly put it back down and push the plate away.
“You need to eat, Riley.”
Sly had already moved closer, and I sighed.
“I can’t.” There was too much weighing on me, too many lives dependent on me.
“You will draw attention if you don’t.”
Another sigh. He pushed the plate closer to me again.
My hands curled into fists. “I need to find Omegas to trade.”
His fingers tapped the bench. “Let me help you.”
“You risk too much, Sly. I ca-”
“Or I’m clearly not doing enough.” He stepped around the bench towards me.
“I don’t like his hands on you.” He stepped closer.
“I don’t like you living with him, nor do I like his mouth on you.” He frowned down at my lips, as if they were visibly tainted by Zander.
“We need to stop this, Sly. It won’t end well.”
He reached for me, but I pulled back in the same way I did to Zander.
“But what if it does end well? What if there’s a future where, together, we overthrow Zander and you lead this city, Riley?”
I laughed in reply. The idea was ludicrous.
“And what will you do? Lead alongside me?”
“If that’s what it takes to be with you, then yes.”
I laughed more this time. “Is power what you truly want, Sly?”
Fury hardened his expression as he moved quickly towards me.
“No.” He gripped my cheeks between his hand. “I’ve told you exactly what I want, Riley. I’m jealous. I’m so fucking jealous that I have to stand there and watch him touch who I want for myself.”
My eyes widened as he continued. “I’m sick of it. I want you. It’s that simple, and I’m evidently fucking crazy to consider a plan as bold and as dangerous as trying to overthrow Zander, but I’ll do it. I’ll do anything in the hopes of having a life I dream about, a life where I actually enjoy waking up, not dreading I’ll have to watch you be with him, or dreading that you will bond him and just forget me. I’m stuck in this predicament of being your guard and having to endure that.”
His chest heaved, and I swallowed painfully, because I understood. I felt equally as trapped, but I cared about him, and I cared for improving the lives of all.
“Please, Riley,” he begged. “Please, just let me help you.”
It was the ocean in his eyes that dragged me under. We had already shared too much. He carried so many of my secrets. We were tied in so many loops, I wasn’t sure how you could separate us. We would forever, in some capacity, be connected. I didn’t know how he could ever think I would forget about him.
“Let me take your burden, Riley. Let me find the Omegas.”
My shoulders dipped in resignation as I agreed. It would be far easier for him to find the Omegas. Zander scarcely let me beyond his reach.
Sly smiled as his lips found my forehead, and he murmured his thanks.
“Everything else we can work out, right? You feel this, don’t you?”
I surveyed the sincerity in his expression as I exhaled, defeated because I did. Could I achieve my dreams and have him too? Was there a future that allowed that?
Probably not. I needed to end this before it all spiralled, but this was the one genuine thing I didn’t want tainted by lies. I would hurt him more.
“I do.” But doubt lingered. Answers to questions were no longer simple.
A single dimple dented his cheek before he kissed me tentatively. His lips tasted like hope.
I pulled my mouth away. “We can’t do this right now. He is already suspicious and may come back.”
“I know,” he replied as he continued to kiss me. His arms fell to either side of the bench, caging me in completely as I smiled. I had never felt so wanted, like he couldn’t force himself to step away from me anymore.
“Stop,” I laughed, and he pulled away and pecked my nose. He was lighter, so much lighter than Zander, and I craved it.
He retreated backwards, watching me, to stand where he was before, his arms folded in front of him, stoic and handsome.
“One day, Riley, I will never have to stop, and I very much look forward to spoiling you.”
I lifted a cup to my lips, quirking a brow as I sipped the water before making my way to my bedroom as I told Zander I would. The further away I walked from Sly’s warmth, the more the dark thoughts began to creep in again, my nausea heightening with every step. There were three things I thought of over and over that I still needed to resolve.
Death has called your sister’s name.
I made a deal with the enemy.
Zander would find out about the Benefactor’s death.
It was because of those three things, I knew this last fortnight in the month of thinnings would be the most dangerous of all.
And so many lives were quite literally dependent on what I chose to do next.