12. Astraea
Chapter twelve
Astraea
Kaeleith excuses herself to cook, ambling through a squeaky door before it shuts behind her.
The silence following lingers as Kyros and I are now alone.
The sun still has hours before it will be set beyond the horizon, and night cloaks the cabin in shadows.
I stand at the window wondering if the same stars will soon dot the sky like the thousands I would watch from the hidden room in the library at the palace in Eathian.
Thinking of home brings another pang of guilt over not knowing where Cole is or if she is even ok. But what can I do?
“Kaeleith said she would put some things in a room for you tonight. I can show you the way whenever you’re ready,” Kyros says as he stands behind the tall-back chair.
I keep my eyes plastered ahead as I think about how Kyros has been acting even before the Shula Morana.
He has been hot then cold, and the switch is so sudden that there’s been no warmth between.
It makes me wonder if it's because he has been as conflicted as I am.
Or is it has always been just a means to an end before he reclaims his throne.
Is that all I have been to him? Regardless, Mavros, Zinya and the others…
I know they mean something to him; he has to feel something about not knowing how they fared in the fight.
“Have you wondered if we have lost anyone forever?” The question makes my heart ache, but I glance up to see the look in his eyes before he answers with words.
It’s then, in the wince that he barely hides, that I realize Kyros is hurting just as much as I am, if not more.
Of course he is; he had more people there than I did.
He had family on that battlefield. An entire congregation of people who knew and looked up to him.
Many more chances to lose a life that was precious to him in some way.
He also expelled so much of his magick to get me away that it has yet to come back.
Maybe I’ve been selfish in the way I have been looking at things.
But how could I not be? He also has yet to give me anything real.
All of this uncertainty is just so damn confusing.
“I refuse to think there is a world I could live in where I wouldn’t know if those closest to me ceased to exist. They are much stronger and more capable than you know.
I know they would also do everything in their power to protect your friends, too.
” His answer is resolute, but I see the way his jaw ticks as he thinks more about what he hasn’t said.
“But…” I urge him to continue.
“But—while I truly believe them to be alive, there is no way of knowing if they have come out unscathed.” I nod in understanding.
A truth. My gut is telling me they are alive too, but the things my father does to prisoners sometimes before their executions are so much worse.
Death is a kindness. Then there was also that woman and the nightmare to account for.
For all we know, my father is the one dead, and Eathian is under a new rule entirely.
“The woman at the dunes… Do you know who she was?” I ask timidly, as my curious mind gets the best of me. Kyros’ brows furrow, his top lip almost curling into a snarl before he blinks up to meet my eyes.
“Queen Phaedra.” He growls, simply allowing my stunned silence to stretch between us.
“Queen Phae—Why did you take me away if our whole goal was to go to her?” My mind is now moving faster than my words can. Confusion presses my brows down as I turn my whole body to face him. His expression is anything but controlled as he looks away from me and out the window.
“There’s a lot you don't know.” His voice lowers to almost a whisper.
I can't help the indignant scoff that forces its way from the back of my throat.
The longer I'm around Kyros, the more I can't seem to keep my true emotions in check.
Not like I had to do in the palace, in front of my father and his henchmen.
I lift my chin. If I am going to run away from a life where I was not able to be my true self, why would I continue to cower when I know what I want?
“Clearly,” I bite back. “And are you going to fill in the missing pieces that I don't know or keep me in the dark?” It's his turn to scoff. Anger simmers in those dark eyes as they train on me.
“Considering your father failed to teach you much about the realm in whole, I doubt we have the time to go over all the missing pieces, as you so simply call them…” I flinch, and the subtle motion causes Kyros to close his eyes in an attempt to contain his growing frustration.
“I will fill you in on as much as I can.” He says it softer, looking down at his hands like he did in the forest. “Since we have nothing but time at the moment.” His hands ball into fists, like they always do when he is trying to fight back the rage that is inside him.
“So what? We hide out here while our friends and family are out there somewhere in trouble or even dead?” My words are harsh.
I recognize that I am projecting my pain, but I've spent my whole life being told what is going to happen, when, and with who. Running away from that life was supposed to mean change. It was supposed to mean that I would be choosing my own path, and it has yet to feel that way. And that is Kyros’ doing.
When Kyros looks up from his hands, his eyes are weary.
He takes his time, allowing his gaze to roam over my face and then to my lap, where I now wring my hands, before he shakes his head and stands with a resigned sigh.
It's such a contrast to the usual reaction that I get from him.
I can do nothing but stare and hope that he is trying to understand just as I am.
“Hopefully we are here no longer than a day or two. We’ll rest tonight and tomorrow, but you will continue the combat training you started in the morning.
” This surprises me. Kyros was very adamant before about not being the one to train me.
“I know you’re worried about the others, but I have faith in their ability to survive. ” Ouch.
“Okay, so you don’t have the same confidence in me to survive? And who is going to train me in combat?” I ask dubiously, and his brow hikes, the scar that cuts through it pulling tight in response to my attitude.
“Seeing as we don't have many other options, I will be your sparring partner.” Something about hearing those words coming from him makes my cheeks heat. I look away to hide it. “It’s been a long journey already; after we eat, we will rest and rise early to continue your training. There are several bedrooms in the cabin that we can choose from. Like I said before, Kaeleith has said she will put things together for you in one of them… If you want to have your own room, I would understand, but I do suggest we stay together. I know the nightmares have been different, but—”
“I would feel safer if you were to stay with me.” I cut off his rambling.
Since the mention of him being my sparring partner, I almost think it's a nervousness I see rising in him, but this is an easy admission for me this time. Even if I am angry with him, I can see that it’s the smart thing to do.
I don't trust my sleep. I don’t trust that the nightmare won’t be there waiting as soon as I close my eyes.
And if we must be stuck in one place, I may as well learn something.
Perhaps this time will give him a chance to give me the truths I so desperately seek.
His onyx eyes connect with mine before he purses his lips and nods.
“Okay then, follow me. I’ll show you to my room. We can get cleaned up before Kaeleith serves dinner.”
“You have your own room here?” I ask, and again, he answers with a gesture to the hall, and I cross the room following him.
I didn’t realize just how big Kaeleith’s cabin was.
From the outside it had looked quaint, but I see now that it was much longer toward the back than I initially was able to see.
The wide hallway off of the main living and eating area has five doors: two on either side and one at the very end.
Kyros leads me to one of the far doors on the right-hand side and opens it.
The room is dark. So dark that when I first step in, I stumble as my foot hits hard against a piece of furniture. I curse under my breath.
“Wait right there, I’ll light some candles.
I don’t think we will have use for the hearth tonight.
Kaeleith keeps the cabin warmed enough with the main fire in the kitchen area.
Especially as summer approaches.” I can tell he is walking through the darkness.
As his voice becomes slightly farther away, though, he clearly knows the layout because not once does he stumble or stub his toes like I immediately did.
A match strikes, and Kyros is illuminated by the orange glow from the small flame a few feet away from me.
Swirling white smoke curls around his face before he lights the first candle.
I stay where I am until he comes to a stop right in front of me.
He lights one last candle that now illuminates a writing desk to my left that I tripped over moments ago.
As I stare at his face, I feel heat bloom in my cheeks as he sets the flickering light back down, but the sensation is interrupted by a throbbing in my boot from that God's divine desk.
Kyros opens a drawer and pulls some linen from it before striding across the room and through another door.
A moment later, I hear a lever being pumped and the sound of water filling a bath.
Oh, thank the divine… a private bath.
I follow the sound, drawn further into the room by the sweet scent of honey and spices. Clove maybe? Kyros turns just as I reach the door.