39. Astraea
Chapter thirty-nine
Astraea
“It really is a stunning dress,” Brynne says after several moments of watching me stare at the fabric in silent contemplation.
I give her a terse smile, unable to hide my agitation.
It’s not a fair reaction. She’s done nothing wrong.
Honestly, she has been one of the kindest people I’ve met in Diemos thus far.
Swallowing any response I might try to give her, I hold the dress out from my body and examine the length of it.
The dress blocks out everything else in the room as I stare at the draping black fabric and sheer accents.
I can imagine myself wearing it. She's right, it really is a stunning dress. It’s more than just a dress, though, and revealing my scars feels like displaying a piece of my broken soul.
Exposing in a way I'm not sure I'm ready for. Without knowing what I’ve gone through in my life, she can’t possibly understand that.
I can’t expect anyone to. Even if Kyros says the scars show the strength I have for surviving, they still feel like a reminder of the weakness I’ve felt going through it.
No doubt what Connard wanted all along.
“If you don’t want to wear it, I sure as hell do.” The sound of a different voice catches me off guard, and I drop my arm, letting the dress pool to the floor so I can see beyond it.
“Cole?” My smile is instantaneous, and this one actually warms my face.
“The one and only.” She chews her lip, trying to bite back her face-splitting grin, and then opens her arms. Dress momentarily forgotten, I close the space between us and wrap my arms around my best friend.
“I see why you might not want to wear it, but for what it's worth, I think you should.” She whispers into my hair. I swallow and nod. Still, I’m not sure I can form the words to agree, even though I want to.
Maybe this is what I need; the comfort of my best friend and the one who has healed me so many times in the past. Flashes of memory of the woman at the dunes assaults my vision.
Phaedra. The scars she wore and the beauty I noticed was because of those very marks.
There was a recognition I felt when I saw her; I thought that maybe I knew her, and maybe I did.
But the recognition I felt was not because she could potentially be my aunt, but because of the scars we have on our skin.
As I reflect on this, part of me knows, in a way, that they’re right.
Just as I told Kyros before—I am just as much a warrior as he is. My scars are just different.
“This banquet… It’s not just a welcome party, is it?
” Cole asks as I step back, lifting up the discarded dress and running my hands along the fabric once again.
It’s starting to feel less like a dress and more like a symbol.
A symbol of the power I’m claiming by just being here; by still surviving and fighting back.
Much like Kyros claiming the throne despite all he has suffered too.
“No, it’s not just a welcome party.” My eyes meet hers.
“We are claiming the throne of Diemos.” Saying it myself, out loud, feels different.
Empowering. Pulling my lip between my teeth, I think about what I just said and look at the dress again.
“I’m wearing the dress,” I say with a nod.
Cole’s eyes brighten with pride as she inclines her head in approval.
“Please pardon my interruption, I'm going to check on the food I sent for.” Brynne says, bowing low again.
“Thank you, Brynne. Colette can help me from here.” I excuse her with a subtle smile.
“Of course.” Brynne gives me one last bow of her head before also nodding a thanks to Colette and exiting the room.
“So things are getting pretty serious, huh?” Colette teases.
“Help me out of these.” I swallow. There is one thing I can always count on Colette for, and that is an endless chasm of sarcasm.
She laughs as she helps me remove the snug clothing.
She hangs the dress next to the tall mirror in the corner of the dressing area, and it forces me to finally look at myself.
The shadows along my arms and shoulders slowly unravel and reach for more of my skin.
Cole watches in fascination. I don’t blame her.
I too am still in awe at the magick, even on Kyros’ skin, but even more so on my own.
Looking at the dress one more time, I reach for it and step into the silky fabric.
“In all seriousness… I know you are going to make a great Queen, Astraea.” She says as she clasps the button behind my neck. I swallow again, looking at her over my shoulder in the reflection of the mirror as she starts gathering my hair.
“I don’t want to look back at who I was before anymore.
At what I thought I knew of myself and the world.
It was all wrong.” I say, taking in the way the black fabric hugs my curves and brightens my eyes.
Just like he said it would, my eyes stand out against the dark material and my dark hair. “Today changes everything.”
“Maybe don’t look back at who you were before, but always remember that version of yourself.
You may think that everything about your life was a lie.
It was dark and ruinous, but it also shaped the woman you are today.
Your past—no matter how dark and gray you think it was—gives you the strength to face your fears today.
” Cole says, laying the thick pleat of hair over my shoulder, fully exposing my back.
I swallow as I look myself in the eyes and lift my chin.
“I’m not scared anymore. Not for the same reasons.
Everything I’ve gone through in this life has taught me that not all nightmares are what lies in the dark.
If I can face everything I have already, I can do this.
” I say, and maybe I am trying to convince myself as much as I am her.
When my eyes flick over to meet hers, she smiles approvingly.
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.
” She says, grabbing my shoulders and turning me around so my back is to the mirror.
Looking over my shoulder, I see what it is that has her grinning, eyes shining.
My magick, the shadows that now call my skin home, has crawled up and over my shoulders, creating a cascade of misty, almost wing-like markings on either side of my spine.
My breath catches in my throat as I take in every beautiful detail.
They don’t cover the scars there but instead accentuate them.
Deliberately placed, it creates a display of art that strengthens my spine.
As though subconsciously I have conveyed that I need their help, and what better to help me soar into this new life than dark wings?
“I’m going to marry Kyros. I will be Queen.”
“And look at you, Astraea. You are far better than those who you will succeed on those damn thrones.” Our eyes meet in the mirror, and she smiles softly, fingers trailing the shadowy wings now on my back. She lifts her chin. “I see it. I’ve always seen it. It’s time for you to see it too.”
Cole leaves me there to take in what my magick has done and the words that tighten around my heart while she rifles through the fabric on the low bench.
She settles on a long cream dress. It is fitted with loose cap sleeves that fall from her shoulders and a lacy, sheer bodice that shows off every inch of her assets.
While she is busy, I pick up the holster for the blades that Kyros gifted me.
It only feels right when I slide the leather straps around my waist. The holster usually rests over my shoulders, but this way it’s more like a belt.
I place the blades above each hip, adding an embellishment to the ensemble I didn’t realize was needed.
The corner of my mouth hitches at the corner as I look at myself again.
The moment is short-lived, though. I cast my gaze around the room and can’t help but feel my brows lower with concern.
A feeling of unease fills my chest, heat coiling around my ribs.
Cole notices the shift in me and comes to stand at my side as she finishes strapping a small knife to her thigh.
“Do you feel that?” I whisper anxiously, and she looks at me and then around the room.
“No, what is it?” I don’t get a chance to answer her question. Not a moment later, there is a brief rapt of knuckles on the door before it cracks open.
“Kyros?” A voice calls out, causing Cole and me to whirl around to meet a wide-eyed Shayd. His brows hike up his forehead, but his eyes are drawn to the ground before he drags them back up my body with a low whistle. “Definitely not Kyros.” He mutters.
“Kyros should be back any minute.” I say, holding my head a little higher.
The interaction between Kyros and Shayd the last time he was around seemed tense.
I don’t know if that means that I should be wary of his old friend.
So, being cautious, I keep facing him as he welcomes himself into Kyros’ chamber with us.
“What’s the special occasion?” He asks, gesturing to our dresses and leaning against the wall with one of the windows. His feet casually cross as he pulls a small blade from its sheath at his hip and begins picking at his fingernails, looking down through the gap in the open frosted pane.
“Lord Kyros is hosting a banquet,” Cole supplies, with her eyes narrowed. She obviously picked up the same feeling I had before. “And you are?” She asks, then adds, "Besides interrupting," under her breath. Shayd's eyes spark with mirth at my fiery friend. It's a reaction she tends to get often.
“Cole, this is Kyros’ friend Shayd. I met him when Kyros—well, I met him the first time I came to Diemos.
” I say, leaving out much of the details and not dwelling on the fact that it's technically a lie.
Kyros had brought me to Diemos previously in a much different situation.
“He gave us a place to stay before we made our way to the Creshian Forest.”
“She’s telling you the least compelling story.
” Shayd grins, narrowing his eyes and winking at me.
Instead of making me want to smile like Mavros almost always does, I feel something else rise in my chest. Does he know that he’s making me nervous?
“She almost killed me.” He taps his fingers to the space between his shoulder and heart.
“Sunk one of those pretty black blades right here. A couple inches difference, I likely wouldn’t be standing here today.
” Cole's gaze snaps to me, wide and questioning.
“You stabbed Kyros’ friend?” She tries unsuccessfully to conceal a laugh with her hand.
“Well, at the time I thought he was a threat.” I say, keeping my eyes on the man in the room.
“Ouch.” Shayd mocks, grasping his chest where I had stabbed him with a conflicting smile. “Twisting the blade with your words now, love?”
“We were actually just about to go searching for the throne room. Maybe you could escort us?” I ask, ignoring his taunting, and his brows hike again.
“The throne room?” He asks with genuine surprise, and I wonder if I was supposed to keep that to myself. “I thought you were expecting Kyros any minute?” He questions further as his eyes flicker to the door. Cole pinches the skin just above my elbow.
“We’re—” I stammer, searching for something to tell him.
“Hungry,” Cole interrupts. “Ravenous, really. Maybe you can escort us to where the banquet is going to be held? Or even the kitchen?” She laughs easily.
Almost flirtatious. “I’m sure they have food already prepared for tonight.
I wonder if they have those little chocolates you love?
” She nudges me, but I don’t respond. I only give Shayd a tight smile in agreement.
“I don’t mind at all.” He offers out his arm, his eyes meeting mine.
The invitation is clearly for me, but Colette senses my growing unease, and she slips her arm into his.
Another moment of his gaze raking over me before he slowly nods and opens the door, allowing me to exit first. I don’t, though.
We stand there, a challenge lying between the two of us.
His lips twitch with the hint of a grin before he coughs to cover the sound of a laugh and ushers Cole from the room.
I follow close behind. I find it odd that, even though I haven’t seen much of the castle, it somehow feels almost familiar. This hall in particular.
Our footsteps are a chorus of light taps through the notable silence.
It’s not at all like Eathian. I see no sleeping guards, no gossiping women or leering noblemen.
Just shadows clinging to the walls and deepening the jagged corners of the gray stone corridor.
The art in this wing is definitely familiar, though.
So many pieces remind me of what was left over from the previous royals, whom my father—well, the man who claimed he was my father—stole their throne; their home.
Art that was chosen by the royal family. Kyros’ family.
A sense of dread tingles at the back of my neck and down my spine.
The new markings on my back quiver and make the shadow wings feel heated, like the coil I had always noticed in my dreams around my ribs.
I slow as I look over my shoulder. Though when I do, nothing is there.
Only the leering darkness that is ever present in my life.
It reminds me of every other time I’ve seen the nightmare creature materialize, and I can’t keep my muscles from tensing at the thought.
“You ok, love?” Shayd’s hand is like a brand on my skin as he wraps it around the curve of my elbow.
I hadn’t realized I had stopped. Cole looks down at his fingers when I do.
They dig into my skin, boarding on painful, but Shayd isn’t looking at me.
Instead, his gaze is directed into the shadows just as I was. Lost in their depths just the same.
“I’m fine.” I swallow hard and shrug free of his grip on me. He looks down at where I rub my throbbing skin and then back in the darkness that follows us. “I thought I heard someone.” I say, and he hums before blinking ahead of us and responding.
“The kitchen is through this door here.” He points at the door a few feet ahead to the right.
“I would go in with you, but I really do need to find Kyros to discuss some things. Do you think you ladies can handle it from here?” He asks, and it doesn’t sound condescending this time.
The way he keeps flicking his eyes over my head toward the darkness behind me is deeply unsettling. I want to be anywhere else right now.
“Thank you, Shayd. We are very capable.” I say hurriedly, hooking my arm through Cole’s.
She looks at me sideways as I only spare him one glance over my shoulder.
Colette pulls open the door to the kitchen, and Shayd’s eyes flash as the light from the kitchen casts into the hall.
Two daggers glinting in the dark, then disappearing the moment he turns around.