41. Astraea
Chapter forty-one
Astraea
“Should we really have eaten that much before a banquet?” Cole laughs, still popping sweet flakes of whatever this spice and honey-flavored bread is.
I try to conceal my laugh as I watch the cinnamon and sugar that’s coating it fall from her fingers and glitter her dress with remnants of the dessert.
“We?” My brows rise as I roll my lips between my teeth, and she knocks her shoulder into mine as we barely contain our laughter.
We continue our walk through the dark corridor.
The hallways seem to have gotten darker while we were away in the bright, fire-lit kitchen.
The vast difference in lack of bodies makes the emptiness that much more notable.
“Do you remember the time that we snuck down into your father’s wine cellar and found his stash of cherry grog chocolates? We ate so many of them.” She laughs, shoving the last bite into her mouth, and I can’t help but finally let the smile I’ve been fighting to break free.
“Again,” I laugh unabashedly. “I think it was you who ate too many; clearly you have not learned your lesson on eating foreign sweets.” I raise a brow, and she looks at me puzzled as she licks the tips of her fingers with a shrug.
“We got so lucky it was Kellan who intercepted us in the staff hallway that night. You were more drunk than one of the palace charlatans. Slurring about and slithering your body all around like one of those serpent-like women who coil themselves around any erect pole they can get wrapped around.” It takes a certain type of woman to be okay entertaining men like my father and Pravin, none of whom I blame for their lifestyle choices.
My father didn’t give many choices to the women of his kingdom.
Her mouth falls open in shock of my words, and it’s my turn to bump her shoulder.
We hadn’t realized at the time the name ‘Grog chocolate’ meant the dessert was infused with actual rum…
Now that I think back on it, they were likely infused with more than just that, though.
Considering how I basically had to tie Colette up that night to keep her from dry humping the old guard Aeron, who my father kept as the night guard in my wing of the palace, it’s clear something wasn’t right.
Even if he slept through his watch nearly every night, I wouldn’t be surprised if my father or Pravin had to drug the women they brought in for entertainment.
Even women of looser morals would need something to numb them for that sort of company.
I can’t be too hard on Cole, though. That was also the first night I found myself pressed against the wall, straddling Kellan’s thigh, with his mouth doing more exploring of the royal ‘chamber’ than any guard had the right to.
The way Cole looks at me out of the corner of her eye says she remembers, and the way her smile slips away says she also has recalled what happened the next morning too.
That was the first lashing I got that broke skin.
The first memory etched into my flesh with blood and now buried under the marks that followed.
At the thought of the scars, the shadow magick that now decorates my skin alongside them warms, as though trying to instill comfort in response to my turbulent memories.
The feel is so foreign; my feet falter as I slow.
I look down, lost in thought, and notice the shadowy tendrils leaking from my hands.
No, no, no. A feeling of worry consumes me as I imagine the worst. I take a deep breath and urge the magick to still, just like Kyros had taught me.
Cole halts when she notices how I have stopped and looks down at my hands, where I hold them out in front of me like they are a source of something causing me pain.
“Astraea?” She whispers, and all I can do is shake my head.
I need to concentrate, but then I feel a cool breeze that shouldn’t be in a hallway, even in a drafty castle.
I freeze, but the frenzy along my skin does nothing of the sort.
The markings along my back seem to flex and bunch like actual wings of a bird.
The movement forces my spine to straighten. My eyes meet Cole’s worried gaze.
“We're not alone, Cole. He’s here…” I whisper, careful not to move too sharply. I don’t know how I know, but this feeling is so similar to what I have felt in my nightmares. My eyes dart out around us even as I try to keep every other part of me still. My hand reaches out and grasps hers.
“Seeeennnnkkaaaa,” the word is a hiss through the shadows behind me.
A word that is not as unfamiliar anymore.
Shadow. I spin, facing the direction that the voice had come from.
Keeping my hand on Cole’s, I ensure she stays tucked behind me.
She tries to come around me, but my grip is like a noose around her wrist as my eyes lock with a figure in the darkness.
That lasso of heat flares around my ribs just like any time I’ve been around the creatures of nightmares, a sensation I have come to realize has to be my magick.
“What do you want?” I demand. Something is different.
The shadows flickering around the figure prowl closer, but the feeling in my chest is different.
Fear evades me as I stare at the bone-covered face in front of me, the shape of it different.
Somehow less menacing. Cole pulls on my arms, urging me to back up with her as the darkness closes in on us.
“There you are!” A voice calls out, and in a blink, the shadows float away like mist. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you two.
The banquet is starting. Kyros is expecting us to—” Ruaan’s eyes flick over me as he lumbers forward to where the nightmare had just stood a moment ago.
He suspiciously eyes the space behind me to where Colette still holds onto my arm as I cling to hers.
We are both trembling and likely look like we have similar looks of fear on our faces.
“Are you ok?” He casts his eyes around the corridor, and I swallow, doing the same, but I know without looking that the creature is gone.
I can no longer feel its presence here with us.
“It was here—or,” I shake my head as my thoughts spiral about what it is that just happened.
Brows furrowed, I finally let my eyes meet Ruaan’s.
“Ruaan—I think there’s more than one.” I finally say, my face contorted with confusion, and watch as his golden hazel gaze stabs through me where I stand at the whispered admission.
“More than one what? Umbra Vitae?” He reaches out, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling Cole to his other side. Again, his eyes whip around searching the shadows for anything that could be lurking within their dark corners.
“You didn’t see it?” I ask, my confusion doubling. He had to have. He was right on the other side. The creature would have been right in front of him. Cole clears her throat, her thumb sweeping back and forth along my almost feverish skin.
“Astraea, I didn’t see what you were seeing either…
” My brows stitch together as I look at my best friend and the worry I see all over her face.
Neither of them saw it? Feeling my lip quiver, I clear my throat and lift my chin.
This is madness. I know what I saw. My magick reacted similarly to what I feel in nightmares. Apparition or not, it was there.
“It’s fine. Nothing happened.” I say, shaking my head and stepping out from under Ruaan's arm. I refuse to cry about this. Nothing happened. If I’m being honest with myself, the feeling of that confrontation with the nightmare felt different.
Despite it being bizarre that two other people had not seen what I could, it was not the same as any of the other times before.
I didn’t get the same sense of dread. That feeling of crippling, heart-pounding fear that I had every other time the nightmare had come for me.
Could it have something to do with my magick manifesting?
“Are you—” Cole starts, then pauses, staring at me like I am so fragile I may break with the next word. Maybe she's right.
“Great Divine!” The words are a strike from my mouth, and Cole flinches. “Don’t ask me if I’m ok again.” Embarrassment floods my veins with my outburst. Heat engulfing my cheeks. “Sorry, I just…” I shake my head again. I am just so tired of everyone asking me if I’m okay.
“Look, I am your best friend. If that means you need someone to snap at when you’re feeling overwhelmed, I’ll be that person.
If you need someone to clutch onto when you are afraid, I will be there, but just know, I will never be okay with you pretending that everything is alright just for my benefit.
” She lets go of Ruaan and steps closer to me.
“Never, Astraea. Do you understand that?” The only thing I can handle doing right now is a nod.
She accepts that, though. Because of course she would.
“I love you, Cole.” My voice cracks after a beat of silence, us just staring into each other’s serious eyes.
“I love you, too. Now, let's get in there and make you the most deserving queen there ever could be.” My lips twitch with the ghost of a smile.
As we make our way to the throne room, I still can't help but feel as though the shadows continue to watch me. That feeling around my ribs remains warm on my skin, but not in a searing way. Odd as it may be, it almost feels like a sort of comfort. I take that feeling and let it encourage a sense of confidence, even if it is somewhat an act. In truth, I’m terrified for what's coming.
Voices carry as a warm glow illuminates the hallway around massive ornate doors that lead to the Diemos throne room; doors will lead me to Kyros and the throne that we will claim together.
I swallow the fear, which threatens to choke me.
I made a promise to myself that I would face my fears and no longer run.
This is doing just that. I will face the fact that I am now a usurper just as the man who raised me was.
Although, I take a little satisfaction in the fact that I am also a woman who is finally accepting a betrothal, and to the man that Connard would have never chosen for me.