50. Nora
50
Nora
C urse this whole gods damned planet.
Why did he have to be there? Of all the places he could have been, what were the chances he’d be at Odion’s the same afternoon I was finally able to leave my house?
And why didn’t I leave immediately upon seeing him there?
That choice had caused irreparable damage. It’d been for that reason I never wanted to see him again, because I knew that when I did…
Standing with him on that field, nearly walking away, but hearing the way he called after me… There was something in me that called to him, too. Something I’d wanted to bury, to refuse to acknowledge. Something powerful.
I’d used sparring as an excuse because I didn’t want to stay away, even though I’d been furious. And he knew. He’d read me like a book, and let me try to work out my frustration. He’d take it, if it meant I’d give him something .
But when he’d looked up at me from the ground, wounded because of my anger, and begged that I do more, thinking it might repair what’d broken between us, my anger fizzled into anguish.
He thought I acted this way because of who he was, when in reality, I’d been the one to ruin everything we shared. Me, because I’d been swallowed by the hunger of revenge and made choices that set me against him for the rest of my life. Choices that, if discovered, would have me hanging by a noose for treason. Distance was my only option.
The idea remained absurd to even think there was anything for me to ruin. He was a prince, currently on the hunt for his future queen, and to entertain, for even a single second, that we could be who we wanted to each other, would only leave me empty and broken.
Our time was always destined to be short.
I ran my fingers through my hair, staring up at my ceiling from my bed. The others in the house were preparing our dresses for the intimate dinner. A dinner I now dreaded more than before.
The thought of facing him tonight already stole the breath from my lungs. I feared letting him go may be something I couldn’t do. But what kind of future could we have? Sneaking out at night, still working toward putting an end to the kidnappings. Long nights filled with close proximity, knowing I couldn’t touch him because he had a queen waiting at home.
Maybe I would regret throwing that option away. Maybe getting to be with him, no matter how small the amount of time, would be worth it.
Or perhaps tonight would be the last time I ever saw him again.
My blood ran cold considering this dinner held more at stake than just seeing a man my heart broke to be around. Melody’s presence was risky. I wouldn’t let her go if it wasn’t for Caine’s threat looming over us. Not that Melody would ever go forward in this competition, knowing all Nicholas and I had shared.
Seemed like no matter which direction I took, death was in a hurry to meet me.
Despite the elegant soft pink dress with layers of tulle that had been picked for me, I chose a simple black dress that had been stored away in a trunk. It’d been my mothers. Tonight, I needed more support. I needed her with me.
The sleeves were puffy at the shoulders, but tapered skin tight along my arms until a tiny loop notched my middle fingers, the fabric forming a point over the back of my hand. It fit like a second skin, cinching at the waist to push out slightly from my hips and fall to the ground.
The decolletage created a sweetheart neckline that on another woman would look considerably too provocative for such an event. For me, with barely a hint of cleavage, it was acceptable. Not high fashion, not expensive, not anything to look at compared to Melody’s stunning red ball gown.
They’d spent hours fussing over her hair, producing perfect curls and pinning them in elegant wisps upon her golden head. After I’d changed, I simply twisted my hair into a loop and placed a long hair pin through to hold it in place. Simplicity. No amount of shouting or shaming from Kenzie or Eucinda penetrated my hearing over it.
A carriage had been sent directly to our home, and the three of us sat in silence as it swayed through the cities. Kenzie, our default chaperone, kept questioning our strange lack of conversation that we both pointedly ignored. Melody’s white-gloved hand simply held mine the entire ride.
We arrived, one of only a few carriages tonight. A dozen other women lined at the ready, all much more elegantly dressed than I. Dressed to impress.
Staff dressed in formal attire offered each of us an arm, even Kenzie. Her shriek of excitement made a smile brush my lips. She’d been so disheartened after not receiving an invitation, but I was glad she could still join us for the experience. Her clothing matched the other ladies, making her seem all the more part of the event.
We were led down different corridors than previous occasions, though this time I wasn’t squirreling away the information to report. We filtered into an exquisitely dressed dining room with one long table spanning the length of the room. Painted white embellishments patterned the walls, lush greenery decorating the space amidst shoulder-height candelabras. A gargantuan, crackling hearth provided a lovely heat and comfortable ambience. Tall singular candles lined the table between extravagant floral bouquets, and exquisite dinnerware waited at each seat.
The staff showed me to my seat. A quick glance above my plate targeted a place card with my name written in decorative cursive. Assigned seating.
Though I hadn’t been first to enter the room, I was brought to the end of the table, furthest from the door we’d come through. Melody was placed opposite me, Kenzie next to her. I wondered if they’d sorted us by town.
Long-stem glassware topped the placement, and I leaned into the idea that wine would help me get through this evening as I sat.
I can do this. Eat a warm meal, drink some alcohol, and go home. Maybe I’m placed so far away that he won’t even see me down here when he enters.
All of us settled, whispers filling the room with gushing sentiments about the beauty of the decor.
Melody leaned in, saying quietly, “You’ll be okay.”
I lifted my gaze to hers, to show that I believed her. Faking it. Knowing that Nicholas walked within these halls at this moment was enough to send butterflies dive bombing in my stomach. The cherub-faced man I recognized from the other events tapped his silverware against his glass.
“Ladies, we are so honored to have you join us this evening. Your grace, elegance, beauty and charm have all caught our attention. Tonight provides a much less crowded setting, wouldn’t you say?” He smiled and nodded toward the few women close to him at the table’s other end. They giggled and nodded in reply.
“We hope you enjoy the meal provided for you tonight by our excellent chefs, and our most favored wine selection.”
“Good. Might help make this evening more bearable,” I muttered to Melody, earning a dirty glance from the woman beside me who had feathers as tall as my arm poking out from her updo. Melody offered me a smile full of sympathy.
“When the prince joins us, he requests that you do not receive him. He merely wishes you to carry on, enjoying your evening. So, with that said, let the appetizers be served!” He clapped his hands, and in perfect time, servers entered carrying identical platters, distributing them to each lady.
I gave my thanks as a truly delectable spinach and artichoke pastry puff was set before me. Most of the attendees remained unsure whether to begin, but I didn’t hesitate. I hadn’t eaten all day from nerves getting the better of me. In what probably should have been several bites, I fit the entire pastry in my mouth and made quick work of it, not caring that it was too big to chew while keeping my mouth closed. The flavors melted on my tongue, and I moaned in delight.
When I achieved working it down to a reasonable size, the doors to my left opened. Emerging in his golden glory, shoulder length hair falling in flawless waves, dark blue suit fitted perfectly to his manly frame, stood Nicholas. His smile barely reached his eyes while he did a respectful sweep of the room…until they landed on me.
At first, his features fell—until a stronger smile replaced the previous.
I brought my hand over my mouth to cover the bulge in my cheek, peering down into my lap while I continued working the deliciously buttery mound. The counselor’s throaty rasp echoed across the room, calling all the young ladies’ attentions to the prince.
“Ladies. Thank you all for joining me here tonight. Anything you require to make yourselves at home, please don’t hesitate to request from any of our talented staff.” Then he crossed the few feet that separated us. A high-back chair was brought to the end of the table by gloved staff.
Directly beside us.
He lowered into his chair, groaning, but I tried keeping my gaze off those dazzling blue eyes, knowing it was from the kick I gave.
In a low, husky voice, he said, “You look absolutely stunning.”
My gaze slowly flitted up to his. My thoughts couldn’t gather fast enough in their swirling torrent. “I didn’t wait for you. I ate my pastry.” For some reason I pointed to my plate littered with nothing but a few crumbs.
He nearly laughed, breath escaping from his nose. “Would you like another?”
“No, I don’t want to impo—”
“She’d love one,” Melody barged in to say.
I shot her a death glare from across the table, but she simply held her smile. Without taking his gaze from me the entire time, he replied, “You could never impose.”
My cheeks heated, and the surging warmth behind my eyes had me reaching for the recently filled wine glass. After a few unladylike chugs, I set it down.
That was the best wine I’d ever had in my entire life, but I tried not to shout it, though I wanted to—it was that good.
Nicholas had already waved down a server and requested another serving for me. His ocean stare settled on me again, and I didn’t shrink away. “Thank you.”
His beautiful blush colored lips rose to one side, and I found myself joining him. The ladies around me made significant effort to monopolize conversation with him after that, and I gladly kept silent. It gave me an opportunity to savor the delicious courses that were served round after round.
“Will you travel a lot with your future queen?” one woman from several seats down leaned in to ask, nearly shouting to make sure she was noticed.
“What hobbies will you wish your future queen to enjoy?” another said.
“What hobbies do you enjoy, Your Highness?” Kenzie threw in.
And so the questions continued, leaving Nicholas barely any time to pick at his food. But, ever the royal, he engaged them in pleasant conversation. I wondered if his time as prince had always been this way, fleeting interactions that never gave him time for himself. Recalling our exchange at the first luncheon confirmed the thought.
Before I could catch it, I realized I’d been staring at him while he gave yet another graceful, unhurried answer to another bombarding question. The smallest knowing smile upturned the corner of his full lips, and his knee gently rested against mine under the table. I sucked in a tiny breath, electricity surging through me at his secret touch.
I wanted more, so my knee subtly pushed back.
“And what of children, Your Highness?” The horrifying question came from the woman next to Kenzie. The steak knife in front of me might as well have lodged in my stomach.
Nicholas nearly choked on the wine he started to sip.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep!” she rushed out her apology.
“No, no,” Nicholas hurried to soothe her distress. “It is a perfectly acceptable question, given your situation.” He gestured to the room in the castle, where these women held a chance at becoming his future wife. My chest heated, my breathing becoming strained with each inhale.
“I would love an heir, as I’m sure most in my position would.” His gaze slid to my plate, not reaching me fully. “But that would be something I would leave to private discussions with my wife.”
The air suddenly became too thin and though I was anchored in my chair, the room started spinning.
“Excuse me, I-I need some air,” I said at the same time I pushed my chair back with more force than necessary. It scraped against the wood, calling attention from others down the table. I didn’t care. The click of my heels echoed in the room, and as I neared the front doors, I started sprinting.
“Where’s the closest door to outside?” I threw the question at a guard, placing a hand on my stomach to center myself.
He pointed down the hall, and I took off. Blood roared in my ears, my lungs collapsing in on themselves. Still, my feet worked harder, faster, until I reached the same familiar row of exposed alcoves to the garden.
Once I broke free of the walls, I bent over, putting my hands on my knees. Long, drawn out, deep breaths tried their best to dull the panicked ache that swept over me. I straightened and made my way toward the hip-height stone wall that overlooked the sprawling view of the massive, enclosed gardens.
My forearms rested against it, and from this level, I could see Highcrest over the bordering walls. Several cities and towns, nearly unseparated, spanning for miles to the west and meeting the ocean to the south.
This was his view, overlooking those he ruled. Forever I would remain a too far speck in the distance, trying to find something useful to do with my life. Without him.
Before I could compose myself, tears streamed down my cheeks. I wiped them away with the heel of my hand, sniffling my now runny nose. Feet scuffed against the stones behind me, and I whipped around to see Nicholas. My breath hitched.
“Talk to me.” His words were a gentle caress, and with tender grace, he came toward me.
I bit my bottom lip and shook my head. Truly, I didn’t know what to say. I only knew that if I even half attempted to search inside myself for the answer, I would break.
He inhaled deeply through his nose, straightening his posture to take in the view of Highcrest. “Alright. If you won’t, can I?”
I wiped away the remaining wet marks on my cheeks, only nodding in silent permission.
His hands flexed and balled at his sides, a sign that he was nervous. “Tonight, when all of those perfectly lovely women were asking me questions about my future queen, I only thought of you. I wanted to look at you. And ask for your response.”
My heart physically stopped. There was no world in which he was saying these words to me. No world in which they were all I wanted to hear.
“Nora, from the moment I met you, either version of you, I’ve been entranced. You challenge me. You don’t dance around my feelings or my position. You’re are strong, and brave, and stunningly beautiful,” he said those last words almost breathlessly.
I braced the stone behind me for support, swallowing my shock. With one violent step, he removed all the distance that had separated us and pressed his forehead against mine. He whispered onto my skin, “Tell me you don’t want me.”
I closed my eyes, savoring the feel of him so close. There was no part of me that could conjure those words.
“Tell me you want nothing to do with me, and I swear it, I’ll never bother you again. But before you answer, I want to promise you that if you’ll have me, I’ll spend every minute of every hour of every day making myself into the man you need me to be. I will do all I can for you, and for this kingdom. I want you by my side, bossing me around and keeping me accountable.” He flashed a beautiful one-sided grin that I opened my eyes to see.
I laughed against the tears that continued flowing for an entirely different reason. My hands dared to lift between us, resting against his chest.
“Whatever you want, Nora, I will do it. Even if you tell me to leave and never speak to you again, I will do that too, even though it will destroy my soul every day.” His hands encircled my neck, sliding upward until they cupped my jaw. “Tell me, Nora. What is it that you want?” His thumb stroked my cheek.
My hands found purchase over his wrists, indulging in the warmth of his skin, wanting to hold them in place there forever. Maybe it was the wine, or the humid spring air, or the glow of the sunset raining upon this gorgeous man before me, but there was no other option than to say the building truth, “I want you.”
“Then I am wholly yours.” His lips crashed into mine.
It wasn’t enough. He wasn’t close enough. My hands clawed at his back, urging him closer, forcing our kiss deeper. Our hands pawed at one another like time itself threatened to run out, and we had a lifetime of touches to make up for.
For the first time in maybe my whole adult life, I was every part of myself, poured it into the passion I felt for this man who knew me at my core.
“Be my wife,” he said, finally breaking our enchanted twilight.
My brow furrowed, the glass image of all the dreams I hadn’t dared to hope cracking. My bottom lip quivered as I toyed with the thought of my actions coming to light. “It’s… complicated.”
He shook his head. “It’s not.” Taking both of my hands in his, he got down on one knee. The ruler of the kingdom bowed himself before me, as if I somehow mattered enough to do it for. “Ellanor Shen, be my wife. Take my last name, or don’t. Bear my children, or don’t. Storm off when we fight, or round-house kick me, I don’t care. I just need you. There is nothing complicated about that.”
I laughed again, briefly flicking my gaze to his side that I knew still bothered him.
“Nora,” he said, his gaze burning into mine. “Will you have me?” His eyes became glassy and everything in me crumbled. Every wall I’d ever built, every precaution I’d ever taken, every guard around my heart. Destroyed. Turned to dust.
“Yes, Nick. I will have you.” I tumbled into him, latching on with all the strength I could muster. His strong, protective, muscled arms wrapped around my waist, securing me to him with a hold that promised he’d never let me go.
Any concern that told me I shouldn’t have this feeling vanished. He made it seem so simple. Him and I, together. That was it, and it was all I wanted. No pretenses or other plans mattered.
His hand cupped the back of my head, and my fingers worked their way into his golden hair. There we stayed, holding one another until the sky faded from orange to blue.