44. Callie
44
CALLIE
THREE MONTHS LATER.
“Hey. How was PT today?”
Sav kicks her shoes off at the door and saunters into Torren’s apartment. I guess my apartment now, too, but it’s still weird to say.
“Honestly? Fucking killer.” I flex my hand as best as I can because it aches just talking about it. “But otherwise, I think it’s going well. Dr. Hernandez-Calligaris says he’s really pleased with the way I’ve been progressing.”
“That man is hot.” She bounces her brows playfully. “Don’t tell Levi.”
I grin. “His wife is hot, too. We went out to dinner with them when we flew to Chicago for my last follow up. A whole family of attractive people.”
She heads to the fridge and pulls out a mineral water. She and Mabel have been here so much in the last few months that it almost feels like we’re roommates on the bus again. With all the changes lately, it’s been nice to have something familiar to focus on.
I want to laugh at myself.
How surreal that hanging out with members of The Hometown Heartless feels familiar . It’s crazy how much things can change in less than a year. My chest tightens, and I flex my hand again. So many things .
“Callie?”
I blink out of my thoughts and look toward Sav. “Yeah?”
“You kind of tuned out. Got a little misty-eyed. You need anything?”
“Oh.” I laugh awkwardly. “No, I’m fine. Sorry. Tired, I guess.”
Sav smiles softly. “You sure?”
“Yep.” I nod. “Totally sure.”
“Okay. Good. Because I have an idea I want to run by you.”
She’s sporting a sly grin that makes me suspicious. I narrow my eyes and tilt my head to the side as I assess her.
“What have you done, Savannah?”
“Nothing...” She throws up her palms and takes a step backward. “...yet. I just wanted to know how you’d feel about inviting the guys to come to Europe with us when we leave on tour next month.”
“What guys?”
“Ezra, Rocky, and Becket.” She purses her lips. “Pike, too, I guess. If you can convince him.”
“Why would we invite them to come on tour? It’s weird enough that I’m going to have my own physical therapist. I don’t want an entire entourage of idiots, too.”
Sav laughs, which makes me laugh despite the fact that I’m genuinely confused. And genuinely trying my damnedest not to let disappointment overtake me. Touring with Heartless is going to be difficult knowing what was once again ripped from my fingertips. Touring with my old band tagging along as spectators?
No.
I’m preparing to tell Sav as much when she turns that sly grin on me again, throwing out another casual shrug.
“I just thought you could use the time to write, you know? Work on your album. We could get you some studio time in Italy if you’re ready by then.” She barks out a loud laugh. “Don’t look at me like I’ve got five heads, Cal. This is an honest suggestion... and ...I might have already made all the necessary plans for it. Well, I had Ham make them, but you know.”
Sav’s grin widens, and she reaches across the counter, puts two fingers on my chin, and gently closes my gaping mouth. I try three times to say something, but I have no words. I can barely wrap my head around her words, let alone form my own .
Finally, all I can manage is, “Why?”
“I’m protecting my investment. What kind of record label would I be if I left my first signed band to fend for themselves?”
My chest aches, and her smile flickers. I can see the sympathy in her eyes. I’m sure she can see the devastation in mine.
“Sav... I don’t know if or when I’ll ever be able to play again. I... God, I can barely play ‘écossaise in E-Flat Major’ right now, and it’s considered one of Beethoven’s easiest pieces. I learned to play it in my first year and now I...” I close my eyes and sigh, giving Savannah a shrug. “You can’t bet on me, Sav. You just can’t.”
We sit in silence for a moment before Sav speaks up, prompting me to open my eyes and meet hers.
“When you had to leave Caveat and move home after your mom’s stroke, how did you feel?”
“Incomplete,” I say immediately. “I felt like a part of me was missing.”
“And when you sit on your piano bench to practice every day now, how do you feel? Even with the accident putting you back at square one. Even fumbling through ‘écossaise,’ how do you feel?”
This answer doesn’t come as easily. I have to sift through it. I have to really dig deep to sort it out, and even when I start speaking, I’m not sure what I say fully encompasses it all.
“I feel a lot of things,” I say slowly. “I feel anger for having years of practice and mastery stolen from me. I feel mournful, like a defining part of my life has been irreparably altered. I feel stupid for putting myself in a position for all of this to happen in the first place. And then... At the heart of it... Under all of that... I feel whole.”
Sav nods, an expression on her face that makes me feel more understood than I have since waking up in that hospital bed. I feel like she gets it, even if she hasn’t lived it.
“ That is why you’re still the first band I want signed on Rock Loveless Records. That is why I’m betting on you. But more importantly, you need to bet on yourself. You’re not a musician just because you play piano. You sing, you write songs, you preform and entertain. I saw you in Chicago. I know the potential you have.” Sav spreads her hand on her chest, right across her heart, and pats twice. “You feel it in here, Callie. I know you’ll play again. And even if you never get back to the level you were, you’ll adapt. You’ll adjust, and you’ll make fucking great music, because you have to. It’s the only way you’ll feel whole.”
I blow out a long slow breath and blink back the sting of tears. She’s right. She’s fucking right, and she knows it, but it doesn’t make it any less terrifying.
“I still don’t know if I feel comfortable letting you put so much faith in me. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“So, we’ll sign a provisional agreement contingent on you producing an album within two years. If you get to the end of that two years and you still don’t think you can do it, we’ll part ways amicably.”
I arch a brow. “You’d do that? Even knowing everything, you’d do that?”
“Uh, yeah, Cal. I’d give you a formal contract right now if I thought you’d take it.” She smirks, and I almost blush.
I consider it again. I try to imagine how it would work, what a scenario like that would look like.
“I don’t know if the guys would go for it. They’d basically be in limbo for me.”
Sav snorts out a laugh. “Calla Lily, those boys are just happy to be included. And trust me, there is no one they’d rather do this with than you.”
The more I think about it, the more excited I get, and it’s like a candle has been lit in a room in my mind. The one that went dark after the accident. My fingers itch to feel the keys. My mind starts swirling with potential lyrics. When my lips twitch with the urge to smile, Sav grins in triumph and pulls Hammond’s tablet out of her bag.
“Look...” She pulls something up on the tablet and slides it in front of me. “I just happen to have a provisional agreement right here that you could look over, if you want.”
“Oh. What luck,” I deadpan, my eyes falling to the tablet.
She shrugs in my periphery. “I’m being a proactive businesswoman.”
As I scan through the contract, I can’t help but draw comparisons between today and the day seven months ago when Torren propositioned me. I’m feeling much less dread this time around.
“I should talk about this with the guys...” I mumble .
“Oh, they already read it. Pike’s out, but the other three are ready to sign whenever you are. But I definitely agree you should talk to them.”
I look up at her through my lashes and quirk a brow. “You’re something else, you know that?”
Her only response is that mischievous grin. The one I can’t help but return.
THREE MONTHS LATER.
“Do we think this is smart?”
Ezra’s voice carries over the loud noise from the plane. Even through his goggles, I can see the uncertainty.
“There are approximately twenty skydiving related deaths every year. Maybe we should reconsider.”
Becket shakes his head, and even over the rumble of the engine, I can hear his sigh. “I told you to stop googling shit. You literally just stopped thinking you have a tumor.”
“We’re already up here, bro,” Rocky chimes in. “You signed the waiver. You took the class. Don’t punk out now.”
Instead of giving my two cents, I turn my attention to Torren. He’s watching them with his lips pursed, and I can’t tell if he’s amused or annoyed. I’m a little of both. I give his shin a nudge, and he turns to me with a smile. He leans in close, so he doesn’t have to shout too loud.
“Are you scared?”
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
“Are you excited?”
“Absolutely.”
I look out at the blue sky filled with fluffy clouds. We’re about to jump from a plane at ten-thousand feet somewhere over North London. It’s a tradition Sav has started—skydiving in every country—and I’m actually really excited.
In fact, really excited seems to be the theme of this tour, so far.
I was really excited when we landed at Heathrow last week. I was really excited when Sav surprised Caveat Lover with studio time to record a few of the songs we’ve already written. I was really excited when I played one of our new songs flawlessly three nights ago, too.
When we were checking into our hotel yesterday, a fan recognized me and asked for my autograph. I was standing right next to Torren and Mabel, but they wanted an autograph from me and my bandmates. My mom and Glory are flying in for Heartless’s shows in Rome and Paris. And, while it might seem like only a small win, I can officially fit my hair into a half-ponytail without it having to poke out the top of my head like a tree. I was really, really excited for that.
But the thing I’m most excited about?
Just being here. With Caveat Lover. With Heartless. With Torren. With me .
I feel more at peace with myself than I have in a long time, and after the accident, I didn’t think I would ever feel comfortable in my own skin again. I’ve never been so happy to be wrong.
My body is irreparably changed. Some ways are immediately visible—like the scars on my face and arm—but more are not, and I’m okay with that. I’m coming to terms with that fact that I may never play piano the way I used to. I’ll never give up attempting the “Moonlight Sonata” third movement, but just playing it is enough. Sav was right—I’m adjusting, and adapting, and I will continue to do so in any way necessary, because making music is the only way I’ll ever feel whole.
Just before it’s time for us to jump, I do a scan of the plane. I’m spending the next three months traveling Europe with these people. Sav and Mabel have become my best friends. Ezra, Rocky, and Becket are and always will be my family. Jonah and I are...well, he and I are about the same as he is with everyone else, to be honest. But it works.
And Torren King...
I lock eyes with him once more, then give his hand a squeeze.
Torren Fucking King made me fall head over feet in love with him. He broke my heart once, but he’s mended it ten times over. He quite literally helped put me back together when I was a shattered, lost mess. He gave me strength when mine was faltering. He played my bass notes when I couldn’t. He was my harmony when all I heard was dissonance.
He’s my love song.
Torren must be able to read my thoughts because he smirks before leaning down and whispering over my lips, “You better watch it, Firebird. Somebody might think you’re in love with me. Your eyes are giving you away.”
I smile. “I’m not trying to hide anything.”
“Good.”
He kisses me slowly, his tongue swiping over my lips in a way that makes me shiver. I open for him, and our tongues glide together, but when I try to deepen the kiss, he pulls away. He smiles at me, eyes hooded and pupils dilated, then presses a soft kiss to my forehead.
“I love you, Calla Lily Sunrise James.”
“I love you, Torren Fucking King.” I step back and give him a smirk of my own. “Now let’s jump out of this goddamn plane.”