Chapter 14 Ellowyn #2
“Why? You were—are—my fiancé.”
“But I failed you, Ell. I failed you completely and utterly. I was supposed to come get you in Hestin—that was part of the plan, part of the diversion of the attack. But he got to you before we could. You were supposed to stay in the box with your parents. Then, when we attacked, I would come and take you. Whisk you away from the horrors of Vespera and his court, out of his clutches and away from his schemes. You were supposed to flee with me, my queen in the south or the north. Wherever you wanted to go, to live, I would follow.”
My breath stuttered and caught at his admission.
He was coming to save me? And I bungled it—again.
“If I had just listened to my mother . . .” My voice trailed off as I realized how epically I had fucked up. “Maybe Finian would still be alive.”
“No.” Torin’s voice was as firm as his sudden grip on my chin, forcing me to see the sincerity in his eyes.
“No, Ellowyn. You do not get to blame yourself for that. We knew there was a very slim chance of you, Peytor, and Finian coming out of there alive. Even less of a chance of your parents making it as well. I failed. Not you. If I had been quicker, had responded to your letters, clued you in to what was happening, we could have avoided the situation. Instead, I hid it from you, convinced it was best you didn’t know so there was no inadvertent way of the information passing to the Warlord.
It was my mistake, and Finian’s death, Peytor’s banishment, your unhappiness—those are all my sins to bear. ”
Tears fell once again as the truth of his words, the convictions he held, washed over me, baptizing me and cleansing my soul.
I breathed deep, releasing some of the tension I’d been holding for months. I would always blame myself for Finian’s death, for Peytor’s banishment, but the prospect of sharing the burden with someone else was too attractive to ignore.
“You could only control so much, Torin. You’re not Fate.”
Torin smiled ruefully at my statement, releasing my chin with a gentle stroke over my lips.
“No, I’m not.”
We sat staring at each other, greedily basking in each other’s gaze.
“I want to erase every touch he gave you, replace it with my own. But I can’t tonight,” he said, cupping my cheek, and my heart fell slightly.
“I want that, too,” I admitted before dropping a small kiss to his palm. Torin smiled, but it was laced with shadows. “Soon,” I prayed.
“If I can come to you, will you leave him? Will you leave Vespera?” he asked, and my immediate answer was yes, but I hesitated. If I left with Torin, if I abdicated my position and fled, then everything that happened today—the emotional and physical pain—would be for nothing.
Torin took my hesitation as an answer, and his hand dropped from my cheek, a haunted look crossing his face before his eyes hardened.
“I’ll—”
“I didn’t say ‘no,’ Torin. I was thinking,” I cut him off and pulled his face down to my own, forcing him to see me. “Of course I am yours. I would follow you wherever, Torin.” Tension eased from his body with my words before returning.
“But?” he prompted, and I smirked.
So perceptive.
“I have a chance right now—a chance to right some of Alois’ wrongs, to do some good with the time that I have.
A chance to learn control of my magic. For all of Alois’ faults, Vespera is a good place—the people are kind, the city is rich in knowledge.
Let me learn for a while, let me try and affect some sort of change before you come in and blow it all up,” I teased, and Torin smirked at me.
“There she is,” he whispered before placing a reverent, chaste kiss against my lips. “I knew you were in there somewhere.”
I smiled, his words and confidence chasing away some of the dark shadows in my mind.
“It’ll take me time to set everything in motion, anyway,” he admitted with a shrug. “I have other plans to see to first, then I promise I will come and get you.”
“I’ve heard that line before, Torin,” I said, cagily.
He blew out a breath before running his hand through the mess of blond hair on top of his head. It’d grown since I’d seen him last.
“I will give you full transparency this time. Communicate with you constantly. Okay?”
I nodded my head, cautiously optimistic.
“Okay,” he exhaled with a small smile.
The sky roiled and thunder boomed as we sat in each other’s embrace.
“I have to go now,” Torin said. “I don’t want to, but I have to.”
I nodded. “Okay. You have important things to do as King of the Rebellion,” I joked, and he rolled his eyes at me.
“I’m no king, nor do I want to be.”
“I’m certain your people see you that way, whether or not you want it,” I said, rising from his lap. “You just have that presence, that command, that respect. It would be an honor to be queen by your side.”
Torin’s warm palms framed my face as he leaned down slightly to cover his lips with my own. We kissed for a brief minute—not nearly long enough—before he pulled away with a cheeky smile.
“Something to remember me by.” He winked, and I giggled, lighter and more sure than I was when I first entered the Dreamscape.
“In full transparency, I’m going to the Crystal Mines.” My breath caught at his admission.
“What for?” I didn’t dare hope.
“To rescue Peytor, of course,” he said with a shrug, his body fading into the ether as I watched.
My heart fluttered, something akin to hope shining through the dreary darkness that I thought I’d be bound to forever.
Torin’s actions reinforced what I now knew to be true—he was mine and I was his, wholly and utterly.
Alois might have gotten a piece of me tonight, but that was all he would ever receive.
No more would my body be his, no more would my mind belong to his schemes.
It was time to make decisions for myself, even if they were bad decisions, even if they caused me pain.
In the end, I’d have Torin, and maybe Peytor, to help pick up the pieces.
Alois could think he broke me, but I would show him it took much more than a quick, rough fuck to dismantle a d’Aelius.
By any means necessary.