Chapter 49 Lex #3
“Lex!” Sasori screamed, and I shook my head slightly, trying to clear the lust-filled fog that settled over my mind.
Ilyas was dutifully staying out of the conversation, tucked away on the couch in our adjoined sitting room.
After he’d found his release in Sasori, he quietly left the bedroom to redress, allowing her and I to have a moment together.
Clearly the space was unnecessary, because I was nearly certain the entirety of our floor in the Academy could hear Sasori’s words.
“Put some fucking pants on, Lex. I don’t want to look at you right now. I can’t look at you,” she fumed, aggressively punching her legs through her black Academy-issued pants and thrusting her head through the hole of her tunic.
I sighed, running a hand through my messy brown hair as I dutifully followed her request. The less of a stink I made, the more cooperative I was, the more likely she was to listen to reason and logic.
I hope.
My pants and tunic were strewn across the floor, haphazardly removed when we first entered the room, all tangled limbs and panting breaths.
My cock jumped once at the memory before I slowly willed it to deflate.
I took my time pulling on my clothes, hoping that Sasori would be calmer by the time I was finished.
But, after I’d gotten fully dressed and turned to face my Bonded, the disappointed and disgusted look on her face had only gotten worse.
“Sit, Sasori,” I said, gesturing to the couch in the other room.
She simply crossed her arms and raised her brows petulantly at me in response.
I sighed, already exhausted with this conversation.
It was times like these that I wished I’d had a firmer hand with my Bonded—not Ilyas, since there was a different level of trust and understanding between us.
Not to the extent of other Mages—I didn’t want to control my Bonded, but I definitely felt like, maybe, I’d been too lax in my relationship with Sasori.
I knew what it was to be disrespected, to be used for something with no say in the outcome, and I never wanted that feeling for my Bonded. Especially since Sasori was a Forced Bond, and not one that either of us picked.
But, after nearly two decades together, it was clear that the freedom I’d given her in favor of a real relationship and friendship rather than one of Mage and Vessel had gone to Sasori’s head, and she felt like she could have the final say in who I owed my allegiance to.
That wasn’t her place, nor would it ever be. My allegiance couldn’t be bought by crowns and titles, my loyalty was reserved for those who earned it and deserved it.
The King was not that person.
My continued support of and loyalty to Rohak was the crux of the argument today, and the basis of Sasori’s and my issues the past few months—years, really.
For whatever reason, future King Alois d’Refan held all of Sasori’s trust and steadfast loyalty—there were times I’d thought she was even more committed to him than me, her Mage.
A rock settled low in my gut at the thought.
“Rohak,” I started, but was instantly cut off by Sasori’s sharp tongue.
“The General,” she spat. I paused, anger lighting under my skin at her disrespect.
“Rohak,” I reiterated and watched as her eyes sparked.
I’d gone past the point of exhaustion, knowing now that whatever I said in defense of my agreement with Rohak would not be an adequate explanation for Sasori.
She didn’t want to hear what I had to say, and I felt no desire to listen to her, either.
“Has asked we keep an eye on the future king. He suspects there is more at play here than Lord d’Refan is indicating and he wants to be prepared for every eventuality; especially since Lord d’Refan confirmed the movements of Kaos and Solace.
Rohak has always overseen the military and, accept it or not, like it or not, Sasori, we are a part of the military.
Our loyalty is to our commander first and foremost. We are to gather information and report straight back to the General upon our return. ”
Sasori’s arms banded tighter across her chest, her lips a thin white line of disgust.
“Is that an order?” Her voice was deadly calm.
I nodded my head curtly. “That is an order from your Mage, yes.”
I hated pulling the Mage-card, but our mission from Rohak was important; Sasori was simply struggling to see the forest through the trees.
I hope.
“As you wish, Mage,” she spat before striding toward the door, her shoulder knocking against mine on the way out. Neither Ilyas nor I tried to stop her from leaving, and she slammed the door loudly as she exited.
I sighed deeply, feeling much older than thirty-five.
“Has she always been this . . .” I trailed off, trying to find the right adjective to describe my Pain Vessel.
“Unruly? Rude? Disrespectful? Cantankerous? Take your pick, they’re all accurate,” Ilyas supplied with little inflection. Her growing animosity toward me was affecting him as well. We’d started having sex less as a group, and, when we did finally all come together, she was quick to leave our bed.
Sex was a vital part of the Bond and an even more integral part of my nature as a Pleasure Mage.
It rejuvenated me, kept me focused and calm.
The rockiness of our relationship did not help settle the Bond in any way, and I rubbed at the spot in my chest where I felt like both Bonds lived.
Ilyas’ Bond always strummed happily—the two of us nearly always in sync.
Sasori’s felt sluggish and painfully tight, like it was trying to force itself from my soul completely.
I sat down heavily next to Ilyas, and his large, muscular arm instantly wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close to his body. The heat from his skin seeped through both our tunics until it warmed my body, comforting me.
“Where did I go wrong with her, Ilyas?” I whispered brokenly.
All I wanted was my Bonded’s happiness—for us to form a family when all of us were abandoned by our blood relations.
But that dream was slipping further through my fingers each day and, the tighter I tried to hold onto it, the faster it seemed to fade.
“You didn’t,” Ilyas finally answered, and I felt his ocean-blue gaze on the side of my face.
“You’ve been nothing but loving and supportive, never lifting your hand or voice in anger.
We all know how most Mage-Vessel relationships work, and you provided her—us—something that was so much more than that.
You’ve consulted us on every decision and, apart from tonight, rarely lorded your authority as our Mage.
This is the very definition of ‘it’s not you, it’s her,’ Lex,” Ilyas cajoled.
I felt the truth of his words in my bones but couldn’t get that feeling to overtake the darkness in my mind.
“She’s slipping away, Ilyas. And I don’t know what this Bond looks like without her,” I embarrassingly admitted.
Ilyas simply hugged me tighter. I loved him with every piece of my being, but I knew, deep inside, that without a second Bond, something would always feel missing for me.
I hated that I saddled him with that burden, with the feeling that he was never enough, but he insisted it was something he understood, that he didn’t hate me for it.
“Maybe it’s best just to let her go,” he said as he rested his cheek against my hair. I burrowed further into his embrace, soaking as much comfort as I could from him.
“I can’t. Not yet. I don’t even want to think about unBonding and what that would do to either of us—to all of us. I have to keep trying, Ilyas. I have to get through to her,” I pleaded.
Ilyas was silent for many minutes, letting my words hang in the air as we stared at the empty and cold fireplace. None of us had bothered to light it, letting the heat from our bodies warm the room instead, but now the room felt lifeless. As dead as the relationship with Sasori.
“Even though she disagrees with your allegiance to Rohak?” he asked.
“Rohak has been with me since before Sasori, she said she understood that. I don’t understand where all of this animosity is suddenly coming from. It’s like Alois declared himself king and suddenly he deserves every ounce of my allegiance. She knows it doesn’t work that way.”
I felt Ilyas nod against the top of my head.
“What else did Rohak say?” he asked, and I was grateful for the change in subject.
“We have to create that task force tomorrow. The entire newest class of cadets is accompanying us, and it will be up to you, me, Sasori, and Lord d’Refan to keep them in line.
He doesn’t want to sacrifice the time of any other Mages.
” Ilyas grunted in acknowledgment before I continued. “And Ellowyn will be accompanying us.”
Ilyas picked his head up and frowned slightly at my statement.
“He didn’t tell you anything more?”
I shook my head.
“No. Just that we need to keep an eye on her and, if anything strange happens, we need to report it to him immediately.”
Ilyas frowned. “What does he mean by ‘strange?’ She’s already a dual-Mage. I don’t know what could be stranger than that.”
I shrugged again.
“I don’t know, but he was adamant about it. He also indicated that my class size might swell with the incoming refugees. Apparently, Lord d’Refan wants as many as possible either enrolled in the Academy or pressed into the army.”
“Good distraction from everything, a good way to get revenge on those that put them in this situation,” Ilyas added thoughtfully. “Lots of changes ahead,” he whispered, and I nodded against him.
“Yeah,” I said.
I couldn’t help but feel like we were fighting a rising tide, like a growing wave that we could sense but not see. And, when we finally realized what was happening, it would be too late—the wave would crash, and we’d all drown under its weight.