Chapter 22 #2
He notices and steps forward, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“I don’t know about this shadow pixie business. The risk seems too high for the reward.” I wrinkle my nose. “Or lack of reward. If it works, then what? We won’t be bonded anymore. Doesn’t seem like a great incentive to go through with this.”
He rubs his thumb over my shoulder. “We need to know how we feel without our magic manipulating us. If we don’t do this, we’ll always wonder if it’s real.”
“What if the shadow pixie magic drives you mad, and you’re trapped in a nightmare for the rest of your life?”
“When Ansel said worst-case scenario, he meant the most outlandish scenario. Even if I don’t expel the magic immediately—which I plan to do—it shouldn’t linger in my system for more than a few hours.
I think I can handle it.” He drops his hands.
“If we’re being honest, I suspect the side effects from the broken bond are going to be more uncomfortable. ”
“It’s going to hurt?” I ask quietly, not liking that. I’m not super stoic when it comes to pain.
“I don’t think it will hurt you, but now that we know I’m a shifter…I’m not sure what to expect.”
“I’ve only known of one shifter who endured a broken mate bond—my old boss’s brother. His wife died.” I begin to shake my head. “If this is going to be anything like that, we can’t go through with it. Rowan, it was awful. He was miserable for years. I don’t want that for you.”
“Our situation is quite a bit different. You’ll still be around, even though our magic won’t be connected. I think in my case, it will be a mind-over-magic sort of matter. My magic might tell me you’re gone, but I’ll know better.”
“I want you to think about all this tonight—really think about it. If you decide you don’t want to do this, we won’t.” I search his eyes in the dim light. “I mean it.”
“Okay,” he promises. “I’ll let you know in the morning.”
The sound of a cart draws our attention, and we look over to find Ash approaching.
“There aren’t two seats in the cabriole,” I say, just realizing it.
“I’ll stand on the luggage rack in the back,” Rowan answers.
“I’m sure Ash will love that.”
He chuckles, taking pleasure in the thought of annoying his cousin.
“What are you doing?” Ash demands when Rowan steps onto the rack at the very rear of the cart. “Get off.”
“It can support my weight,” Rowan argues.
“I didn’t say it couldn’t.”
“I’m going as far as the cottage, and then I’ll fly back.”
“You’re going to fly back,” Ash deadpans, apparently not yet ready to embrace Rowan’s newly discovered magic. “All right, whatever. Hold on. If you fall off, I’m not stopping for you.”
“It’s always a pleasure hanging out with you, Ash,” Rowan says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“Enough, both of you,” I say. “For once, try to get along. Who knows? You might be better at it than you think.”
Ash makes a humming noise, disagreeing, but at least he doesn’t argue outright. With a soft command and a move of the reins, his horse plods forward, clip-clopping down the cobblestone road and eventually leaving Main Street behind.
The night is cool and pleasant, but no one seems to know what to talk about, so we ride in silence.
Just as we’re turning down the road that will take us to the cottage, Ash stiffly says, “Even if it wasn’t an illegal substance, I don’t think it would be a good idea to tamper with the shadow pixie magic. It’s too dangerous.”
“The magic won’t touch Kit,” Rowan says. “I’ll draw it, and hers will recoil.”
Ash clears his throat, and though it’s dark and I can’t see his face, he feels annoyed. “I mean, it’s too dangerous for you.”
We sit in stunned silence for several moments. When Rowan finds his voice, he laughs, uncomfortable. “You wanted to take me to Animal Control. What do you care?”
Ash huffs. “I wouldn’t have done it.”
“What difference does it make to you if I live the rest of my life hallucinating a nightmare?” Rowan demands, sounding almost angry now. “Won’t your life be better if they lock me up in some padded room at a fae hospital?”
“You know it wouldn’t,” Ash says, matching Rowan’s agitated tone. “I would…”
“What?”
“Never mind.”
“Just say it,” Rowan demands.
“I would miss you.” Unable to help himself, Ash adds, “Marginally.”
“You’re getting sappy in your middle years,” Rowan says.
“Shut up.”
I sit perfectly still, wondering if they’ve forgotten I’m here and terrified that if I move, I might interrupt this cathartic discussion they’ve accidentally initiated.
“I didn’t know you cared,” Rowan jokes, his voice marginally lighter.
“Of course I care. My achievements look better next to your failures.”
I gasp, but Rowan laughs.
“You quit the game early,” Ash adds. “I passed the bar, and you weren’t around to gloat to. Our whole dynamic was destroyed. It’s a miracle I achieved anything in your absence.” He looks backward. “And I’m angry that you didn’t come to me for help. Seven years, Rowan. Seven years.”
“You couldn’t help me.”
“But I would have tried.”
“Why?” Rowan demands.
“Because you’re my brother.” I can feel Ash cringe. “And I—”
“If you say you love me, I swear I’m going to shove you out of the cart.”
Now they’re both laughing, and I’m dumbfounded. Though the conversation doesn’t sound very nice, there’s genuine affection in their voices, and I cannot help but think I’m experiencing a pivotal moment in their relationship.
Ash transfers the reins to one hand, scrubs his face with the other, and says wearily, “Why must you insist on repeatedly experimenting on yourself?”
“How else am I going to compete with a golden boy lawyer? I have to do something…”
“Impressive,” I say softly.
As if remembering I’m here, both men turn to me.
“Sorry,” I say quickly. “Ignore me.”
Ash pulls up to the cottage. We all sit for several silent seconds before anyone moves.
Rowan hops down first and comes around the side, offering his hand to me. Looking at Ash, he says, “Thank you for the ride.”
“You can stay the night in my guest room if you’d like,” Ash says stiffly. “So you don’t have to fly back.”
“I need the practice.” Rowan clears his throat. “But I appreciate the offer.”
Ash nods and coaxes the horse forward. “Goodnight, Kit.”
“Night, Ash.”
As the cart rolls down the dirt road toward Ash’s property, I turn to Rowan. “Are you okay?”
“Ash called me his brother,” he says, sounding a little weirded out. “He’s never done that before.”
“I mean, you basically are. You grew up in the same house. You even share the same last name.”
“I know, but our whole lives, he reminded me I was the outsider.”
“People grow up. Maybe it’s time you give each other a chance.”
He nods, thinking about it.
“I want to ask you something,” I say.
“Hmm?”
“Are you going back to college to become a sorcerer so you can prove you’re good enough to carry the Neilfellow name?”
Rowan’s thoughtful silence is the only answer I think I’m going to get, but then he admits, “I don’t know.”
“What do you intend to do with your degree?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know that either.”
“Well…what do you want to do with your life?”
He sighs, laughing a little, sounding lost. “What do I want?”
“Surely you’ve thought about that?”
“I mean, I have. But…”
“But what?”
“I just want to work in the tea shop.” He runs a hand through his hair. “No, that’s not true. I want…”
“You want to run the tea shop?” I ask gently. “I stole your dream, didn’t I?”
“It wasn’t a dream I was allowed to have.
” He reaches for me. “And I’m glad for that.
Because if I hadn’t turned myself into an owl, and Laverna had left the shop to me, I wouldn’t have met you.
And I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world.
Things worked out the way they were meant to.
You are the tea shop proprietress, and I’m going to be a sorcerer. ”
“Is there room for another sorcerer in Moss Hollow?” I ask. “I mean, Ansel’s in charge of the fireworks and…rock things. What would that leave you?”
“I’ll just kick him out.”
I laugh. “I’m serious. If you become a sorcerer, can you make a living in Moss Hollow?”
He’s quiet, thinking about my question. Finally, he sighs. “I don’t know.”
“I want you to pursue the path that makes you the happiest, and if that means becoming a sorcerer, I’ll support it.
But please know, I would be honored to run the tea shop with you.
Just imagine it—your name next to mine on all the paperwork.
Partners. You could stay here…with me.” I gulp. “What do you think?”
Rowan smiles in the dark, bringing his hand to my face and gently stroking my cheek. “I think I’ll give you my answer after we break the mate bond. Let’s make sure you’re actually in love with me first.”
I turn my head, catching his hand and cuddling against it like a cat. “So I guess we’re going to try the shadow pixie magic?”
“It’s the best option we’ve got.”
“Okay,” I murmur. “I’m going to go to bed and try not to stress over it all night.”
“One second.” He pulls me back when I turn toward the fence. “Promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“If I go insane, you’ll find me a fae infirmary with decent tea, won’t you?”
I shove his chest, huffing out a breath. “That’s not funny.”
He grins. “It was a little funny.”
“Goodnight, Rowan.”
Before I can pull away, he kisses me softly, stealing my annoyance. “Goodnight, Kit.”
“Are you really going to try to fly home?” I ask him before he goes.
“Either that, or I’m taking a really long walk.”
“What are you going to do with your clothes?”
He looks flummoxed, realizing that’s an issue.
“You can take them off in the back garden,” I suggest, trying not to laugh at the horrified look on his face. “Just jump into the bushes if you hear someone coming down the road on your way to Marshall’s.”
“This was a bad idea.”
“Not necessarily. Getting caught streaking is perhaps good motivation to turn into an owl.” I bite my lip, holding back a grin. “The gate’s unlocked. Best of luck to you.”
I walk into the house, grinning when I hear his frustrated laughter. But as soon as I’m inside, my amusement fades.
I don’t know exactly what tomorrow is going to look like, but I know everything is going to change.