11. Useless
USELESS
sometimes the magic lady talks to the air.
that’s okay. she’s still part of gus’s clan.
— gus
Close. He’s too close. It’s an instinctive reaction. As much as I enjoy the heat of his skin on mine, I hold for a second, then take a few steps back. He allows it, watching me go without saying a word.
Once there are a few feet between us, I tuck my hair behind my ear and glance away.
Riordan clears his throat.
Against my better instinct, I turn to look at him.
“What’s his name?” he asks, almost conversationally, once he has my attention.
The soft tone is so at odds with the fierce look blazing in his golden eyes that I’m confused for a second. “What was that?”
“His name, Penelope. What was the name of the feral that bit you?”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“Oh. But I think it does.” He thumbs the badge on his belt. “Tell me, please. It’s okay. I just want to have a chat with him.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “This happened in California. I think he’s a little out of your jurisdiction.”
“You’re cute, witch, but you’re also stalling. Name, if you would? Of the feral and the territory he was poaching from.”
He’s really not going to let this drop, is he?
“It was the Wolf District—”
Riordan’s eyes gleam orange in the sunset.
I hate to dash that triumphant look, I really do, but I know I will as soon as I say, “But that pack doesn’t exist anymore.
There was infighting and the Alpha was killed.
The pack was dismantled. It doesn’t matter anyway.
After I got away, I reported what happened to Serena, the national coven council decided he needed to be put down. He was.”
“Good.”
In a way, I agree. Knowing the feral wasn’t out there, able to hurt anyone else… maybe I’m vindictive, but I’m glad.
That still doesn’t change the way it’s affected me for all the years in between.
I take a deep breath. “Do you know why I wear outfits like these?”
Long sleeves in the summer, and a long flowing skirt that goes down to my sandals? It’s because I’m free to run, to kick if I can, but also because I can hide beneath them.
When I’m by myself, I get comfortable in my skin.
I have a few pairs of denim shorts that I bought in town once I decided to stick around Moonburrow, plus some short-sleeved tops.
But as soon as I leave the bakery, I make sure to change.
Same as when I’m in Salem or on any other mission.
It’s been nine years since that feral caught me out on a hike that fateful trip to California, appreciated the tank top and shorts I was wearing, and made it his mission to shred the clothes off of me because, as he grunted at me, he liked my skin.
Most of my colleagues think I’m going for a witchy look, and maybe I am. But, deep down, I know it’s because I don’t ever want a predator to see something I have and decide they’re going to take it—and that includes my body.
But then I look at the way Riordan’s jaw goes hard while his gaze roves over me, and it’s easy to see that he’s not checking me out. Not the way that feral beast did. No, he’s making sure that I’m okay.
Am I? I… I don’t know.
Finally, he says, “I think you look amazing no matter what you wear. You’re beautiful, Penelope, and it doesn’t take a feral to see that. But that doesn’t change the fact that he tried to claim you against your will.”
It doesn’t, but I’d be an even bigger fibber if I said it didn’t do something to hear the matter-of-fact way the chief deputy referred to me as beautiful.
He growls under his breath. “No respectable wolf would ever do that.”
Later, I’ll admit it was the growl that made me reckless.
“What about you?” I ask innocently. “Are you respectable?”
Holy Hecate. Did that just pop out of my mouth? It did. I know it did, but I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter. Those three words are enough to shift the mood entirely.
His lips quirk up in a grin that is undeniably wolfish—and, yet, I’m totally not afraid of Riordan at this moment.
Just in case, he makes sure to say, “You have nothing to fear from me.”
That’s not a yes, is it?
And I know I’m playing with fire. Despite being the Beta of his pack, he’s definitely a born alpha wolf shifter.
He can’t help that charisma and dominance that flows off of him like water anymore than I can stop the magic from welling up inside of me.
He’s careful not to use his curse against me, but the rest of him… I’m finding it hard to resist.
But I can’t. The reality is that he only feels this need to take care of me because he is a protective alpha wolf, and because my messed-up locator spell is still tying us together. So while I want to play this dangerous game with him, I know better than to do that.
I turn away from him, prepared to put some distance between us.
“Penelope?”
Don’t do it, don’t do it—
I look back. “Yes?”
“You shared something with me. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to do the same.”
“Um. Yeah.” I face him again because, well, how can I say no? “Please. Go ahead.”
“You asked me once how I ended up cursed. At the time, I was too embarrassed to admit what I did to earn it. To be honest, I’m still embarrassed. Ashamed, too. But I’d like you to know.”
“Riordan—”
“If you don’t want that burden, I understand.” He scoffs at himself. “I’d prefer it because then… then you wouldn’t know the truth about how big of an asshole I am.”
I move until I’m standing right in front of him. Before I can think better of it, I lay my hand on his arm. “You’re not an asshole. And I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I promise, it won’t change how I feel about you.”
He gives me a curious look. “How you feel about me?”
“You’re a good male, Riordan Lobo. A kind guy. You’re loyal and you do a wonderful job as the Beta and as the chief deputy. You’ve got a good sense of humor and a great appetite. We’re friends.”
“Friends,” he echoes hollowly. “Okay. I hope you’ll still consider me your friend later.
You see, it all happened about… sixteen years ago now?
I was nineteen, the Alpha-heir. I knew I was going to be the big shot in town one day, and because I would lead the pack only after my old man handed it over to me, I was a real prick about it.
Real entitled. I treated my brother like shit because, as second-born, he was destined to be my Beta.
I expected that, every time I said ‘jump’, someone else would say ‘how hi?’.
And then Esmeralda came to town to visit Delilah at the coven house.
“She was a powerful dark witch from Georgia. I crossed paths with her, not knowing who she was. But I thought I deserved her respect. That was my mistake. The future Alpha… everyone should’ve respected me, and I was nasty when she didn’t.
She said… she said that I shouldn’t wait until I had the power to control Moonburrow, and she cursed me.
From that moment on, everyone had to do what I said, no ifs ands or buts about it. ”
I stay quiet. I know how much it’s costing Riordan to tell me this, just like his confession is just confirming most of everything I either knew or suspected.
“I’ve carried this curse for more than fifteen years, Pen.
I had to learn how to live with it. Of course I couldn’t be Alpha—who would follow me if I could take away their free will like that?
You need the respect of a pack. You can’t just take it.
I learned that, and for so long, I was so good.
And then I met you, and all of my restraint went out the window. ”
“Please don’t apologize again,” I murmur. “I’m pretty sure you’re going to, but you… you don’t have to. Mistakes happen.”
“Yes,” he agrees, matching my soft tone. “Sometimes they do. And sometimes Fate works in mysterious ways. Don’t you think?”
“I—” My words falter. I look up at Riordan, and I swear I see something written in every line on his face. Sometime I can’t quiet understand. Something—
“So,” interrupts that same familiar female voice. “Did you get any leads on my murder yet, or are you too busy chasing some wolf tail, Penelope?”
Goddess damn it.
Suddenly, my cheeks are scorching. I wheel around to find Olivia hovering in between two trees, a prissy look on her face and her arm crossed over her chest. She lifts his eyebrows as she glances from the wolf shifter to me and back.
I don’t appreciate the insinuation, but if I say so, I’m sure I’ll hear her say something like ‘the lady doth protest too much’. That’s why, instead, I just shrug. “We’re doing our best.”
“Let me guess.” Riordan’s voice turns gruff. “Company?”
Unfortunately. “Yes.” I gesture at the trees. “Olivia just appeared.”
He glares about two feet to the left of the ghost. “Didn’t Ms. Willows tell you that we work better when we don’t have the victim staring over our shoulders?”
Olivia sniffs. “Ms. Willow, huh? What happened to Pen?”
I hate that I was thinking the same thing.
She makes a big display of glancing around. “What are you doing over here? This isn’t where I died.”
“This is where Faith was murdered. Since it’s a safe bet that whoever killed you, killed her, we were looking for clues.”
Olivia folds her arms over her chest. “Is that what you were doing? Because it looked to me like—”
“Anyway,” I say, cutting her off, “if you’re here for a progress update, there isn’t much to tell.
Faith crossed over instantly.” I just… I know that she did.
Small mercies that her wound killed her right away and she didn’t have to linger to see her dead body.
“She can’t help us. And unless Riordan has picked up on some other clue that I haven’t, we’re at a dead end currently. ”
I didn’t expect Olivia to take that news well. Technically, as a ghost, she doesn’t have a deadline to follow. I’m sure she wants to cross over and find some peace as soon as possible, but she has to understand that it might take a little time.
Based on her explosion, I don’t think she does.
“You’re useless. Has anyone ever told you that? Useless!”
If that came from anyone else, that might actually hurt me. Since it’s Olivia, and all the dead witch has done is talk down to me, I remain calm despite jumping at how loud she yelled at me. “No, Olivia. I don’t think I’ve been called useless before, thank you.”
“Wait. Did she call you useless?” Riordan asks in a deceptively soft voice.
Oh.
I’m suddenly thrown back to a few moments ago when he implied he would hunt down the feral that attacked me all those years ago.
And, sure, this case has thrown us together in a way that I never expected.
Not to mention this strange link between us that I can’t deny and just won’t go away…
Riordan obviously feels protective of me.
“It’s fine,” I begin, pausing when I see his golden eyes flash.
“It’s not fine, Pen.” Pen again, thank the Goddess.
“You are not useless. I want you to know that. You’re trying to help that witch.
Luna knows you’ve been trying to help me.
Just caring that much counts for something in my books, and if that’s how she feels…
” His voice, when he speaks again, is closer to a snarl.
“Max said salt is supposed to contain a witch. That plant you bought… that works against ghosts?”
Not sure exactly where he’s going with this, but… “Yes.”
“Where did you buy it?”
“There’s this apothecary I like,” I tell him. “It’s on the witchy side of town, but it’s not too far from Dough You Believe in Magic.”
He nods. “Come on. We’re done here.”
“Okay. So, um, can I go to the library now, or—”
“First I’m getting you some lunch. After that, you’re going to show me where that apothecary is and I’m buying all the wormwood they have. She thinks you’re useless? Good luck insulting my m”—he growls, stumbles over the word, and continues—“my sweet witch when you lose all access to her.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I’ve never had anyone stick up for me so meaningfully before, and if I thought I was being drawn to Riordan earlier, that’s nothing compared to how desperately I want to walk over to him and give him a hug.
But I can’t. If it’s the spell that’s affecting him… no. It’s better if I stay where I am—
“After lunch, I’ll go with you to the library.
We’re out of leads, and Max still has more than half the wolves in our pack to interview.
” I stayed put. Riordan? He bounds over to me, slinging his arm over my shoulder as if it’s the most casual thing in the world to do.
“I might as well help you put some of those books back on the shelves. If that’s okay with you. ”
My heart jumps. “You know about the mess in the library?”
He chuckles. “Oh, Pen… everyone in Moonburrow knows.”
Oh, Hecate…
He squeezes my shoulder. “Don’t be embarrassed. It happens. Besides, I wouldn’t have known myself if I didn’t have a long chat with Ash Morgan about why you spend so much time with him at the library. Now that I know, I don’t mind stopping by and seeing if I can help you for a change.”
How can I say no to that?
I smile softly up at the chief deputy. “Let’s add volunteer librarian to all of your other job titles.”
He laughs, and you know what? So do I.