19. Ellowyn
Chapter 19
Ellowyn
T he platform was small and wooden, only big enough to support one or two people. There was a white stone pillar and bowl on one end, engraved with the runes for Sight, Air, Water, and Creation. This was the offering to Solace. For every Solace-blessed power, there was an equal and opposite Kaos-blessed counterpart. On the opposite end of the platform stood a black stone pillar engraved with the runes for Truth, Earth, Fire, and Destruction. This was the offering to Kaos.
As I looked at the platform set up for my Awakening, I was struck with sudden gratitude that my ceremony was at my home rather than in the temple where everyone, excluding my family, was required to Awaken. The acolytes were present to help control any outbursts of magic, and not many other families could afford to pay for an acolyte to perform a private ceremony.
My father joined me on the platform, squeezing behind me, his back against the window. He cleared his throat and used a bit of Air Magic to project his voice. I was shocked that he still had magic available—he and Mother weren’t the most powerful.
“Esteemed guests!” he announced. “If I could have your attention, please.” The ballroom grew silent, idle chatter ceasing as the guests slowly gathered around the stage, drinks in hand. While I had been the subject of attention all night, this type of perusal felt different. Every eye in the room, even that of the servants and Mages standing guard, was trained on me and the two pedestals on the stage. Any person’s Awakening was important, but with the attendance of Lord d’Refan, it seemed somehow even more important than usual.
I glanced around the room, not pausing long on any one person or making significant eye contact. I saw Lord d’Refan brooding at the back of the ballroom, encased by the shadows projected from the candles floating in the air. While I couldn’t make out his expression from this far away, it was clear from his tense posture that he was anticipating something big to happen. Even with the shadows covering his face, I could feel his eyes on me, and I involuntarily shivered before tearing my eyes away again.
My father placed his hands gently on my shoulders, mistaking my shiver for anxiety over my Awakening. Surprisingly, I wasn’t nervous for the ceremony or to receive my powers. At the end of it all, I would be whatever I would be. There was no known way to change your designation or affinity, not that I’d want that anyway.
He squeezed gently as I tore my eyes from Lord d’Refan and found Torin leaning against the wall directly next to a set of doors, the picture of ease. He caught me looking and sent me a wink and a smile, which I gladly returned. Eventually my gaze fell on my mother and brother. Peytor was leaning heavily on Finian and I frowned. Peytor had clearly had a lot to drink tonight, and I worried about him giving away his and Finian’s relationship because of his drunkenness. Finian offered me a tight smile while he held onto his lover’s back, supporting him in more ways than one.
Mother’s face was schooled in a carefully blank expression, but her eyes betrayed her nervousness. She kept flicking her gaze between Lord d’Refan in the back and me on the stage, and not for the first time I wondered what she was thinking about and why she was so nervous in Lord d’Refan’s presence.
“Tonight, my daughter will receive her powers from Fate itself. My family, and Hestin in general, are honored that you could be here tonight to witness this occasion!” My father’s voice jolted me from my thoughts and there was a smattering of applause at his words. “I would also like to announce the betrothal of Lord Torin d’Eshu of the Southern Territories to my daughter. We hope that this union will help to strengthen the relationship between the two halves of Elyria and help to facilitate peace in this ever-growing conflict.” There was applause again, but less this time, and it was coupled with mummers from the onlookers.
I thought we agreed to court? What was the rush?
I snapped my eyes to the back of the room as I felt waves of power crest over me. Lord d’Refan looked positively murderous, and I felt my father’s hands tighten on my shoulders. Apparently, my father hadn’t approached Lord d’Refan about my betrothal to Torin, and I couldn’t help the sense of foreboding that washed over me.
There will be repercussions , was my first thought, especially since Lord d’Refan never got the answers he so desired from our earlier conversation.
Lord d’Refan seemed like he was going to take steps toward the stage, before one of the doors creaked open slightly, and the General slipped unnoticed into the room. Lord d’Refan tore his gaze from the stage and focused on his General, hands clenched at his sides in obvious anger. The General leaned toward Lord d’Refan and said a few things, which seemed to visibly relax and calm him. Though, with his relaxation, my hackles raised. A serpentine smile took over Lord d’Refan’s face as he turned back to the stage.
We’re cornered prey, and the predator has come to play .
I clasped my hands in front of me to keep from fiddling with them, and my dress crinkled with the motion. My heart rate spiked, and I began to sweat.
How has no one else noticed the power and anger emanating from him right now?
The thought completely unnerved me that I was the only one who seemed worried about his current actions, the rest of the guests still had their gazes glued to my father and me on the raised platform.
“In a rare occurrence, my friends, a Priest of Fate has agreed to perform tonight’s ceremony for my daughter, Ellowyn.” Murmurs fled through the crowd again, this time in barely surpassed excitement. Priests, especially those of the elusive Fate, rarely left their temples. With the decaying relations between those blessed by Kaos and those blessed by Solace, in conjunction with the encroachment of rebellion forces from the South, the faith in the gods and the display of that faith had greatly waned. Many temples sat empty and bare, no offerings and no visitors present .
I was struck again by the sheer oddity that was my Awakening—Lord d’Refan’s attendance, my mother’s fear, the arrival of the Keeper, and now the Priest of Fate. It all felt like too much for just me.
Upon my father’s words, the priest in question slowly entered the room from the same doors that served as my entrance. The room fell into an awed hush as the priest made their way toward the platform. They were covered head-to-toe in sheer black robes, making it impossible to decipher their gender, an identifying factor for all Priests of Fate. Fate was genderless and ambiguous, so their priests were molded to match Fate’s nature. Conversely, Kaos was dominated by male servants and Solace by females.
The priest wore an elaborate black headdress—one with twelve spikes and interconnecting nearly-translucent threads—which represented the threads of Fate. Their hands, encased in black gloves, were clasped loosely in front of their body and they moved slowly yet methodically. As they reached the stairway to the platform, my father bent and gave me a kiss against my cheek before jumping from the platform to offer his hand in assistance to the priest. The priest waved my father away, and he acquiesced with a quick bow.
The priest moved to take the place of my father, and I quickly realized that they weren’t much taller than me. I tried to find some discernible feature beneath the robes but came up empty. The priest stopped and simply stared at me, at least I though that’s what they did. I couldn’t be entirely certain with the sheer fabric covering their eyes.
After a moment, the priest spoke in a tone that again both disguised age and gender. It was as if their voice was constantly distorted—one minute young and female, the next deep and male. It was constantly in flux and made the whole experience slightly disorienting.
“Child of Fate.” Shivers cascaded down my spine at the priest’s words.
The similarity to the woman and shadow’s words chilled me to the bone.
Did the priest know?
“Today you offer your life in service to Fate. In turn, you will be chosen by one of his children and blessed with a gift. How you use your gift is your choice, your will. But know there is a balance to life—a reaction for every one of your actions. With life, comes death. With truth, knowledge. With Solace, Kaos.” Their words ran through the silent room .
I had never seen an Awakening Ceremony performed this way. Peytor’s and Finian’s were performed by one of the acolytes from the temple with a bit more fanfare than what was performed for everyone else. The importance of this moment was not lost on me. The priest dipped a hand into their robes and procured a short blade, no longer than my hand. It shone with an almost blue-tinged light, and there were hundreds of tiny runes inscribed along the blade. I was shocked and entranced—the acolytes used a blade to make the cuts and draw the runes, but this blade was something otherworldly.
“Your hands, Child.” The priest motioned for me, and I faced the crowd, palms facing up. “Blood is our truest form, it holds our very being and Essence within. And your truest form is what Fate will judge.” They sliced each of my palms, blood pooling in my upturned hand. The cut was deep, and my blood seeped through my fingers, staining my dress red and dripping onto the platform with a steady rhythm.
“May Fate see you truly, Child.” Their words carried a tone of finality and they gestured for me to turn my palms over each of the stone bowls beside me. My blood ran off my hands and quickly coated the bottom of each bowl. Up close, I realized that each was inscribed with the same runes that were found on the priests’ dagger, and I swore I saw light emanate from each rune my blood touched. I was alarmed by how different this was in comparison to every other ceremony I’d witnessed, and I looked up briefly, but no one else seemed to think anything was amiss.
Suddenly, a bright flash of light ignited from both Kaos’ and Solace’s pedestals. The light was blinding, and I put my arm in front of my face to shield my eyes. The light was gone as soon as it appeared, and I reluctantly pulled my arm away from my face. But I didn’t see my guests staring back at me, or even the interior of our ballroom.
I was back at the place from my dreams—the one with the cracked earth and the constant impending storm that hummed with magic. Magic I could now see and feel . It was a heady sensation and I looked up at the clouds awash in color as strains of magic clashed in the sky. It was simultaneously awe-inspiring and terrifying.
“Child, you’ve returned,” the ambiguous voice called from somewhere over my left shoulder, drawing my gaze reluctantly away from the storm above me. I wondered, not for the first time, where this place was and if the storm was even real.
I turned slowly, my dress swishing against the dry earth and finally saw the owner of the voice that had haunted my dreams for so long. They were tall, impossibly tall, and extremely willowy. I craned my neck to take in their full form and was struck by how closely they resembled the priest from the ballroom. Encased in black gossamer robes, the figure floated a few inches above the ground, and I saw no noticeable legs underneath. Their arms were spindly, and their hands were completely black. In one hand they toyed with an hourglass, constantly spinning it around even if the grains of sand had not entirely transitioned from one side to the other. The other hand clutched a small bronze set of scales. They didn’t say anything more, just stared at me.
I was suddenly awash with immediate understanding.
“You’re Fate,” I breathed, my voice somewhere between fascination and terror.
Abruptly the air rippled around me and the figure, Fate, disappeared and reappeared inches in front of me. I jumped back with a yelp, promptly tripping over the hem of my dress and falling ungracefully on my back. My cut palms hit the dry earth and I cried out in pain, clutching my hands to my chest as I sat undignified on the ground.
“And you are a Child of Fate,” Fate answered.
“I don’t know what that means!” I practically shouted. “I don’t know what any of this means! I don’t know why I’m here. I don’t know what you want with me, or what that woman wants with me. I just want to be left alone!”
Thunder cracked above me at my outburst, and I jumped from the sound. The magic was brighter and pulsating in the sky, its rhythm matching my heartbeat. Fate cocked their head at me, robes billowing in an unseen breeze.
“No, not yet. But in time, you will.”
Another cryptic response. How wonderful.
“ It is time to choose, Child.” Fate gestured at two portals that had appeared behind them.
“This again? Do you make everyone choose, or am I just special?” I deadpanned. Fate didn’t answer, of course. “Of course, now you don’t answer. ”
“You are a Child of Fate .”
“So, it is just a me thing, then. Wonderful,” I grumbled as I tried to climb up onto my feet, stepping on my dress and proceeding to cover the once-white garment in brown dust. I huffed as I finally found my way to my feet, hair falling out of its once perfectly pinned updo and into my eyes. I blew on a stray strand with a huff, but it only settled back in front of my eyes. I was too tired to try and fix it again.
“Choose,” Fate said again and floated away a bit as they gestured toward the portals.
I walked toward the one on the left, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace. None of my cuts hurt, my hair no longer bothered me, and I think I even liked the dress my mother picked out. I inadvertently felt my hand reach toward the portal, but paused before I could touch the surface. Underneath all the warm, content feelings, was an oiliness, a wrongness . Like if I touched that portal, I would feel trapped in my own skin, never able to escape the box of my life.
I shook my head to clear my thoughts and approached the second portal. This time, there was a feeling of adventure and the smell of freedom. I longed to break from the mold Mother and Father cast for me and leave Hestin, control my own destiny. Hand outstretched, I paused yet again. Something about this portal didn’t feel right either, it was like I wanted to suddenly spill all the secrets I was keeping and lay my soul bare. I knew if I touched that portal, I would never feel comfortable in my own skin again. What sparked in me wasn’t me fully, just a piece.
I backed away quickly from both portals and shook my head. “No,” I said softly.
Fate whipped their head to me.
“Choose,” they said with a little more force.
“No,” I said louder and with more confidence, “no, I won’t.”
Fate looked at me before waving a hand and both portals vanished.
“You are most interesting, Child of Fate, ” they said, “I give you a gift that no one else is given, and you won’t take it? ”
I shook my head. “No, I won’t. It doesn’t feel . . . right.”
“The gift or the magic?”
So magic is what I felt.
I paused and considered before answering. “ Both,” I finally said.
“Most interesting, Child of Fate. ” They gestured and another portal opened, this time behind me, and while I could feel the power of the magic emanating from it, there was no oily feeling, no crawling feeling. In fact, there was no feeling. It just was. The magic simply existed.
It was pure.
“Your fate is sealed, my Child.” They gestured for me to enter the portal to my back, and I took slow steps away, keeping my front faced toward Fate. “I will see you again, soon. There is much to do and even less time than I thought. You’re both Awake now, they’ll feel you soon. If they haven’t already.”
With that ominous warning, Fate simply faded from existence, and I was left with the portal behind me and the magical storm above me. I took one last look around the decrepit space, not enjoying the feeling of being the only living being left in this place, before I took hurried and measured steps to the portal. The feeling of unease continued to creep up my neck, and I felt as if I was being watched. Without pausing to inspect the portal, I reached it just as I felt something brushing against my neck, a feminine rage-filled scream echoing in my mind. I squealed in fright and flung myself through the portal.