Chapter 4
A za had barely slept for an hour. It was hard for her to fall asleep.
She hadn’t been tired, but having her visions took a great toll on her, and she had hoped that falling asleep would have given her some moments of peace.
Sleep brought no peace. In her dreams, well nightmares, she kept seeing the boy.
The blood loss, his terrified face, him reaching out to her, and then disappearing.
So she sat in her bed, lost in thought, when Jahar knocked and entered her room.
“The healer is here, Your Highness.”
Aza nodded. “You may let them in.” She fixed her position, sat on the edge of the bed, and put on an act of poise.
“Good evening, Your Highness,” Tairah said gently.
“Good evening.”
“Could you tell me what happened today? Your guard said you had quite the fright.” Tairah said curiously.
Tairah was a middle-aged woman with long black hair, dark skin, and brown eyes.
She had been a healer for quite some time.
She had just started as a healer when Aza first began experiencing her episodes, and she had worked with her ever since.
Aza had become less and less honest with her about her episodes when she required a check-up because it was always the same; there was nothing physically wrong with Aza, and therefore nothing to heal. So what was the point?
“He exaggerates. It was nothing serious. We had spent the day in one of the villages, and when we were heading back here, I saw something that wasn’t really there. So we left, and I figured it would just be best to return here and rest for the day.” Aza lies.
“Mhmm,” Tairah responded, feigning her belief, “How have your episodes been recently?”
“They don’t happen that often.” — Lie. “When they do, they’re manageable.” — Another lie. “Just quick visions. Voices. I push them away as quickly as possible.” — Liar.
“Mhmm.” She hums. “How have you been otherwise? Pain anywhere? Other symptoms? Upset stomach, headaches, anything like that? How about your emotions? Have they been heightened? More anxious, sad, scared, anything like that?” She bombarded her with questions.
Aza felt so vulnerable. She didn’t want the healer to know the truth.
She didn’t want it getting back to her father or, heaven forbid, start to spread more around her kingdom or to other kingdoms that were offering potential marriage alliances.
She tried so hard to hide it. She didn’t want to be looked at yet again with the look of pity and disbelief.
Nothing was wrong. It was all in her head.
“I haven’t had any other symptoms. My health otherwise has been great. A little nervous about marriage, but nothing unexpected.”
“Okay, Princess. I would like to do a physical exam now. Is that okay?” She asked, seemingly giving up on her questioning, not seeming to truly believe all that Aza said.
“Yes, that is okay,” Aza replied as she lay flat on her bed.
Tairah ran a variety of physical and mental tests. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary.
A few minutes later, she announced, “I can’t detect anything that needs treatment.”
“I know,” Aza muttered under her breath, yet again disappointed that she could not be fixed.
“What was that?” The healer asked, looking as if she had simply not heard her.
“Thank you for your time, and I am sorry for any inconvenience," Aza replied while sitting back up in bed.
“Of course, your Highness, if you need me for anything, please do not hesitate to ask. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening.” Tairah bowed and left the room.
Only moments later, there was a knock on the door, and Jahar entered her room. Aza got off her bed and made her way into the front foyer to meet him.
“I’m fine. Completely healthy. Nothing’s wrong.” Aza rushed to say.
“I am glad your body is healthy, my dear Princess.”
Right. Only a healthy body, not a healthy mind. He thought she was crazy, too.
A frown spread across her face.
“What is it, Princess?” He asked, concerned.
“Nothing.” She brushed him off and walked to sit on her sofa.
“I don’t think you’re crazy, Princess. Please do not think that. I simply think that our healers have not encountered anyone like you and do not know what they are missing and how to treat or heal it. That is all.” He reassures her.
“But what if I am just crazy?”
“Then it simply makes you more unique.”
“More undesirable, I think you mean,” She says with a huff.
“Nonsense.” He says with a playful grin, but then, if on cue, straightens back up and his face becomes neutral, “Anyway, I came to check if you needed anything, Princess. I assume that dinner will be here momentarily.”
Guard Jahar was back.
“No, I am alright for the time being.”
“Very well, Princess.” Jahar bows slightly, then leaves.
Just as Jahar predicted, dinner arrived moments later. The servants had knocked on the door and announced their arrival. They brought in her trays, and Aza sat at her table to eat.
She wanted more time with him.
Over the years, especially after Jahar had become her personal guard, he had put up a lot more walls and set more boundaries.
He had moments when he let his walls and boundaries down some, though, and he was playful, friendly, sometimes enough that it made Aza wonder if he truly was being flirtatious.
Aza knew that that was definitely who he was deep down, but like her, because of his position, he needed to have a facade and follow rules.
When he was a chef, he didn’t have to be as proper, especially since their interactions back then were more behind closed doors, hanging out in the kitchens.
But now they seemed to always be in the public eye, so his guard was always up.
Everything felt complicated now, and she hated it.
Sometimes she missed the old days when her crush had first developed, and she could sneak away to see the man who had her attention.
Back before she had become a prize for another man to win.
Back when those dreams felt possible. But Aza knew, no matter how she felt or how he felt, even if he had felt anything, they could never be.
But that didn’t stop her heart or her mind from still wishing for more.
She looked out the window. The sun no longer blazed high in the sky.
It had slowly started to go down. That meant it wouldn’t be long before Jahar would be relieved for the night, and other guards would take over.
Continuing to look out at her kingdom reminded Aza of the promises she had made to the villagers today.
Aza quickly went to her vanity to straighten herself out before she once again slipped on her shoes and exited her room.
“Sir Jahar, would you be so kind as to escort me to see the first advisor?”
“Your wish is my command.” Jahar nodded and began to follow her.
Aza made it to the office of the first advisor, Philum, whose office door sat slightly ajar. She knocked and announced it was her. The door quickly opened.
“Princess Amiaza, what a lovely surprise,” Philum smiled and bowed, then stood and nodded his head, “Sir Jahar, nice to see you as well.”
Jahar nodded back.
Philum was a slightly older man, around the same age as her father.
His completely gray hair was combed straight back across his head.
He had soft, blue eyes, a short, stubble beard, and a kind smile.
But that shouldn’t fool anyone because he could turn quite stern and solid when he was in negotiation, which was why he had been the first advisor for so long.
He did everything he could to protect the kingdom and serve it well.
He had been her father’s first advisor for over 25 years, and he was one of his father’s best friends since they had practically grown up together.
Even when they were in heated disagreements, you often couldn’t tell, but they would return to being nearly inseparable mere minutes afterward.
He was a good role model and confidant for most things for Aza.
She trusted him explicitly and knew his word was good and true.
“I have something I would like to discuss with you.” Aza informed him.
“Of course, Princess. Please come in and take a seat.”
Aza did as requested, and Jahar stood at attention by the door.
“I visited the village of Vassor today. I have been visiting our villages the past few days to check on them and see if they need anything. It seems there have been a few significant injuries on farms recently due to broken equipment. They need new tools as soon as possible so they can safely and effectively tend to their crops. I will visit our other farming villages tomorrow to check on them as well. They also require a healer or two to mend and heal the wounded, but I will make a quick stop to speak with the healers. I just wanted to bring it to your attention.”
Aza realized she should have mentioned this to Tairah earlier, but in her anxiety, it had slipped her mind. She would stop there after this.
And selfishly, it kept Jahar with her a little longer.
“I appreciate you bringing this to my attention and being so attentive to our villages and people. I will make sure that I send out guards and junior advisors to check on the other farming villages tomorrow. I will also have new equipment built and sent. I can also arrange two healers to go to the village, but I assume that either way, you will speak to them after this conversation.”
“You would be correct, sir, but I appreciate your haste in attending to these needs.” Aza smiles.
“It is my pleasure and duty. Is there anything else I can be of help with?”
“Not at the present moment. Thank you, though.”
“Not a problem. Please do not hesitate to return if you think of or discover something else.” He encourages.
“Will do, Sir. Have a great rest of your evening.”
“You as well, Princess.” He bows before he walks her to the door and says his last goodbye.
“You are going to make a fine queen, Your Majesty.” Jahar praised, surprising Aza.
“You’re too kind. I love my kingdom and my people, and I will do everything in my power to take care of them.
I… I will miss it dearly when the time finally comes for me to leave.
” Aza can feel sadness and worry crawling up her chest, “I might not become queen. Some of the suitors I have been seeing are down the line of succession and will never become king. I would marry them and just stay a princess, arm candy.”
“You’ll never be just arm candy, my lady. You will always be and will always find a way to be so much more.” Jahar subtly compliments, then faces forward again as they continue walking towards the healer wing.
Aza couldn’t help but smile, but her struggle with sadness and worry battled within her.
When she left here, would that mean she would leave not only her home but him, too?
Or would she be able to have her personal guard move with her?
Would he even want to? Aza was sure he had people here he loved and didn’t want to leave behind.
There were so many questions she didn’t have answers to, and she was too afraid to ask.
They were silent the rest of the walk, but it didn’t take them very long to reach the healer wing. Aza could hear voices talking inside the room. Aza assumed a healer was helping a patient. She walked in and met Tairah’s eyes.
“Princess, is everything alright?” She asked with what sounded like worry lacing her voice.
“I’m alright. I’m just relaying information. The village of Vassor has a few injured farmers who require healing and tending to. Advisor Philum would like two healers to travel to the village tomorrow to tend to them.”
“Of course, Your Highness. I will choose them and let them know so they are prepared.”
“Thank you very much.”
“Are you sure you’re alright? If I may be frank, you seem… haunted.”
She was haunted by many things. Not just the visions, voices, and nightmares, but her past, her present, and her love.
“I am quite sure, but I did have a long day and will be retiring soon to get some sleep. Thank you for your concern and your help. Good evening.” Aza curtsied and waved goodbye, and Tairah returned the gesture.
Aza had nothing against Tairah in the slightest. She was an amazing healer and a very kind woman.
It was just so very disheartening every time she saw her.
She was always reminded there was supposedly nothing there—nothing to heal.
Which wasn’t Tairah’s fault; she did everything in her power to help Aza.
She couldn’t help or heal what wasn’t there.
“Any chance you’d sneak into the kitchens with me before your shift ends? Make me one of your specialized, tasty desserts?” Aza pleaded as they made their way away from the healer’s wing, tilting her head up at him.
Jahar gave her a fake disapproving look, then nodded in acceptance and smiled.
When they reached the kitchens, he made her a delicious berry muffin. She savored every bite. Realizing that it was getting late, she told Jahar they could return to her room and he could be relieved for the night.