Chapter 30
A za grew impatient waiting for answers.
She still hadn’t seen Jahar, and she could barely handle the sorrow she felt this last week.
After packing, she spent the last few days pacing in her room, writing down important questions to ask this new prince, sending up prayers to the heavens that he was a good man, one she could tolerate and one who would be generous to her people, and crying—constantly.
She was surprised she had any tears left.
She sat on the edge of her bed, her knee bouncing, biting her nails, a nasty habit she picked up over these last few days. She needed answers. So many people depended on her.
Then came a knock. Three sharp raps.
Jahar?
Her heart climbed into her throat, suffocating. She hadn’t left her room all morning and hadn’t seen the shift of guards. Hadn’t thought he had come back to her.
She couldn’t stop herself from racing toward the door. On the verge of ripping it open, Aza takes a step back, taking a deep breath, straightening her hair and clothes.
Even if it’s him, he’s here as your guard. Only your guard.
She reached for the doorknob. Opening the door, she was met with his broad frame, his polished uniform, and his unruly hair and beard.
He hadn’t trimmed his beard or hair. His hair and beard were getting a bit unruly, but she still loved it.
She found his eyes, but the usual brightness is gone, and the skin under his eyes was dark and baggy.
She saw the silent gulp he tried to hide before speaking, “Princess Aza, King Nefir would like to see you in the dining room.”
Her stomach sinks.
See? Just your guard, she thought, scolding herself.
This new life still feels foreign and difficult. She couldn’t continue to beat herself up about it. She didn’t regret her decision. But she would always wonder—what if?
“Very well.” Aza nods, walking out and closing her door. “Hello to you too, Sir Jahar,” Aza said dryly as she moved past Jahar and made her way down the hall.
He clears his throat, “H-hello, Princess.”
They don’t speak again. The silence fractured her further.
How could love ruin something so badly? Did something like this happen to Mama? Was there more she didn’t know?
Her thoughts are interrupted when another guard greets her at the door to the dining room, “He is waiting for you.”
Aza nods in thanks and enters. Baba is sitting at the end of the table, eating small biscuits and reading a piece of parchment. He looks up at Aza’s footsteps.
“Good morning, my dear. Please sit. Are you hungry?”
“No. I ate in my room, but thank you.”
“I have some good news, for once,” he chirps. King Saiki of the Hanlo Kingdom had agreed to send a generous shipment of fish in exchange for fabrics, textiles, and clothing. They were preparing them to stay frozen longer, so they last now and threw the ball.”
“That is wonderful news, Baba!” Aza’s spirits lift, knowing her people will be alright for a little while longer.
“I have also heard back from the Xiaodan Kingdom. They have extended a welcome to you whenever you desire.”
Aza felt the conflict immediately. Seeing Jahar today for the first time in nearly a week soured this news a bit. Having to meet yet another man, but she pushes it down and focuses on another opportunity to pursue trade deals for sustainable food supplies.
“That is also great news. I am ready to leave now.”
“You don’t have to leave right now.”
“Yes, Baba, I do. The journey there and back, plus a week’s stay, will bring me close to the ball. I need to ensure everything is prepared and we have time to review our options.”
“Oh, my daughter, I do not like that you are always right. You should not be wiser than your old man.”
Aza chuckles at this.
“Can we leave today?”
“The ship is finishing preparing as we speak.”
“What?” Aza asks, shocked.
“I like to think I do know you a little bit. I knew that you would want to leave immediately. So as soon as I read the letter last night, I began the preparations.”
“Last night?” Aza asks.
“I needed a moment to prepare,” Baba defends, a chuckle escaped Aza’s lips.
“Thank you, Baba.”
“Come now, let’s gather your things and get you to your carriage. It will take you to the docks.”
Most of Aza’s things had already been taken and stored, but she at least grabbed boots and a heavy jacket for the cold weather they were about to endure on their journey. Baba walked with her the entire time. Jahar trailed behind at a respectful distance.
Baba walked her to her carriage. “Do you have everything you need?”
“Yes, Baba. I’ll be alright.”
“You can come home early if you need to.”
Aza gives him an incredulous look.
“I know, I know. I was wrong last time.”
“It will be okay, Baba. I love you.”
“I love you, my dear,” he wraps her in a crushing embrace. Aza isn’t used to this kind of affection from her father, but she soaks up this small moment, tears glistening in her eyes.
“I will see you again soon.”
“Goodbye, my daughter.”
“Goodbye.” Aza waves as Baba turns to head back into the castle.
“Watch out for her, Jahar. As always, I am entrusting you with my most prized possession.”
“Yes, your majesty. I will guard her with my life.”
“Thank you, son,” Baba says, placing a hand on Jahar’s shoulder, smiling, before leaving.
Her stomach tightened, seeing that interaction. Jahar looks taken aback, confusion furrowing his brows. He shakes his head, clearing whatever he was thinking and feeling.
“My father loves you.”
“No. He… he has just learned to respect me.”
“I didn’t know that he and your father were close. He said he watched you grow up. That you were the one he trusted the most. I think you were the son he never got to have.”
“I think you are misinterpreting what is there, dear Princess.”
Aza puckers her lips, “I guess it wouldn’t be the first time.” A pained chuckle slipped out, making Jahar swallow hard and look down towards the ground, “I do not believe I am wrong now, though. I am going to settle in the carriage. You coming?”
He looks up at her quickly, his eyes going soft, “I think I have to. I just tied my life to yours.”
“You did that a long time ago,” Aza whispered, slipping into the carriage.
Jahar doesn’t follow her inside, shutting the door, closing her inside.
The carriage ride was longer than she would have liked it to be, not knowing what to do with herself. Aza spent most of the ride looking out the window, admiring the scenery, trying to keep her thoughts clear. When they arrived at the ship, her guards and the ship’s crew began loading her things.
When Aza stepped onto the ship, she decided to head directly to her room.
She hears Jahar’s footsteps began to follow her when she gets too far out of his sight, stepping down the stairs.
Aza isn’t surprised when Jahar stays posted outside her door, instead of coming inside.
But Aza guessed it was more due to the tension still lingering between them.
She didn’t think anything would ever be the same again, and the dread settled back in.
Aza opted to shut the door and lie on the bed. Willing the tears not to come again. She didn’t want Jahar to hear her cry again. There had been far too many times. But the waterworks came anyway, and Aza had to bury her face into her pillow.
Will this pain ever stop? How do I forget my love, my best friend? Is there any way we can go back to being friends?
Aza drowned in her thoughts and tears until sleep finally claimed her.