Chapter 42
A fterward, once they’ve had a moment to breathe, Aza told him she needed to put on a nightgown and her robe. Jahar got up, sliding his boxers and trousers back on, and gathered his things, placing them on the sofa.
Aza went to the door and peered outside. Ramsee was walking down the hallway to her.
“Oh Ramsee, did you find it?”
“No, Princess, I did not. But the servants will keep an eye out for it.”
“Okay. I am sorry to make you walk all the way back there.”
“Where is Jahar?” He asks.
“I sent him away. He wasn’t feeling well. I told him to rest, nearly had to beg him. But you’re here now, so all is well.” With that, she shuts the door.
She heads into her bedroom to find Jahar already asleep, sprawled across the bed. She closes her bedroom doors behind her. She sneaks under the covers next to him, closes her eyes, and lets herself drift off to sleep.
The door slams open. Aza jolted awake. She jumps up in bed. Guards flood the room. Her heart lurches, panic hitting instantly. Jahar stirs in bed, sitting up, panic flashes across his face.
He stands from the bed. The guards start towards him.
“Stop!” Aza orders.
“We have orders from the King, Your Highness.”
They move in on Jahar and detain him. He doesn’t fight them. He just looks at Aza, smiling and mouthing ‘I love you’ to her.
“No! Release him now!” She screams.
Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Baba enter the room, “Stop them!”
“I hoped it wasn’t true. How could you, Jahar? I trusted you with her life!” Baba yells at Jahar, stabbing a finger at him, “You disgraced her! You tricked her! I watched over you, treated you like a son! How could you do this to me? To her?”
These words seem to break Jahar, and he lowers his head, “I’m sorry, Sir.”
“Don’t!”
“Baba, stop this madness. This was my decision. He didn’t trick me into anything! I’m not some pathetic, crazy princess. I thought you thought more of me. Let him go!” She screams.
“Stay out of this! Take him out of my sight!”
“No!” She yells as Baba blocks her path.
“It will be alright,” Jahar assures her as they rush him out of the door.
Aza jumps over her bed, runs past Baba, and towards Jahar. As she exits her room, she sees Zhou standing outside her doorway. Her heart sinks.
“No! You did this? How could you? I trusted you!”
Aza couldn’t fathom the thought that her friend would betray her. The friend who came up with this plan himself. That had helped her in so many ways.
“Aza…” She cuts him off.
“No!” She doesn’t have time to process this information and returns to screaming at Baba and soldiers, “Stop this! Let him go! Let us explain!”
“I have heard enough, Aza!” Baba bellows.
Aza shrieks at him, then begins running at the guards holding Jahar, but she is stopped by one of the guards grabbing her waist and pulling her back.
“Don’t touch me. Get off of me!” She flails in his hold.
“Take her to my office. Don’t let her leave. I will be there shortly.”
“Fuck you!” She spats.
She uses the bit of training Jahar gave her on the journey to Zhou, kicking the guard between the legs and twisting free. She bolts down the opposite hall as people shout after her. It kills her to leave him, but she’ll be no help if she runs into more guards and gets locked away.
Tears stream down her face as she runs straight to the stables. She ignores the questions, the concern, mounts a ready horse, and takes off. It’s the only way to escape the guards and her father, until she can figure out what to do, since Baba clearly won’t listen.
When she got on the horse, she had no destination in mind, but she soon realized she was making her way to Jaddah's cottage. No one would suspect she would go there. She never talked to her. But at the moment, she was the only person she had to go to, the only one who was close to a mother figure. Someone she could ask what the hell to do. She didn’t know what to do.
When she arrived, she hopped off her horse, tying him to a post. She banged on the door. Her Jaddah finally opened the door, looking concerned at Aza’s current state, hair wild, face flushed from tears and panic.
“My heavens, child. What is wrong?”
“Jaddah, I need your help. I didn’t know where else to go.”
“It’s alright. Come in.” She invites calmly.
They both take a seat in the living room, and Aza spills all the details about today, including how she has loved Jahar for years but wasn’t able to be with him until recently.
She told her how she can't lose Jahar. That she's been struggling with these visions and nightmares, and nobody knows what they are, and she can't tell anybody else. She tells her that he’s the reason she can get through them. Jaddah sat there, listening intently.
“They took him. I don’t know what to do This is all my fault.” Aza throws her face into her hands, sobbing.
“Men can be incredibly stubborn and stupid creatures sometimes, especially when they’re fathers or in love.”
“Jaddah?”
“Let me finish. There is much I need to tell you.
She didn't want children. She told your father that, but he pushed.
Of course by the time he had followed her and asked her to marry him, she was already pregnant.
When you were born, you changed her whole perspective.
She loved you more than anything in the world.
We disagreed on many things, but she was my daughter, my heart.
I left my home and traveled across the sea to stay with her.
I never imagined I'd live my life without her.
When she died, my world ended too. That's why I stay locked up in this house.
I could no longer face the world. I had no reason to, well, except for one.
I am sorry I was not there for you. I didn't know what to say.
I couldn't look you in the eyes and keep the truth from you.
But I wanted my daughter to be able to take her secrets to the grave.
I agreed to keep them when she was alive, and I wasn't ready to change that.
But it is time you know the truth. I am sorry I didn't know how much you were struggling.
I thought maybe she had done it, maybe it had worked.
She said she was going to search for a way to break the curse.
I told her it was impossible, but that girl was stubborn.
She didn't take no for an answer, especially when it came to you.
I just didn't know her solution would be to give up her life.
I don't know what she found; she never told me. I wish I had more answers.”
“Jaddah, what are you talking about? Curse?!”
“You’re not crazy, my dear. Those aren’t random visions or nightmares.
You are a spirit guide—a vessel between worlds.
You see the spirits of those who haven’t moved on, lost or unfinished, needing help to cross over.
That is your purpose. Death created us thousands of years ago, and it has been passed down through our family for generations. ”
“What?!” Aza screams, “No! I-I’m not crazy! Why didn’t anyone tell me?!” Tears of rage and betrayal stream down her cheeks.
“I am sorry. Please, let me explain more.” She pauses, waiting for Aza to stop screaming and calm down, “Your mother didn’t want you to know.
She searched endlessly for a way to end it, to stop it with her.
It isn’t an easy life, even knowing the truth.
” She exhales slowly, gaze drifting past her.
“The fear, the stress… she didn’t want that for you.
I told her it wasn’t possible. I tried myself.
But she wouldn’t accept it. She would stop at nothing for you. ”
Her hands tighten in her lap, knuckles paling before she forces them to relax.
“She did her best to enjoy raising you, but as you grew older, the risk grew too. The transformation is silent, unnoticed until you see your first spirit. We fought often; she got her stubbornness from me.” A faint, humorless breath leaves her.
“It’s not that I didn’t want the best for you, I just didn’t want her to risk everything. Not with Death himself.”
The room settles into a heavy quiet, the air thick between her words.
“One day, she told me she had to leave, that she was going to find answers. She said she’d tell everyone she was visiting her father, but I don’t know where she really went.” Her voice lowers, rough at the edges. “When she returned, she told me nothing.” She swallows hard. “And then… she was gone.”
“No! If I had only been told, if I had only known! I could have stopped her.”
“No child, she was determined to save you.”
“Jaddah… I had already begun having visions before she died. I just didn’t want to tell her.”
“Oh dear, it is not your fault.” Jaddah walks over to sit next to her on the sofa, wrapping her arms around her.
“It keeps getting worse. I am not going to be able to handle it. Not if I lose him, too. It got so much worse after I lost Mama.”
“I know my dear. The weight of the spirits is divided amongst the living women in the line. When your mother died, her weight was divided between both of us. I know she did not intend that, but that is how it is.”
“Why is it getting so much worse now?”
“It can get worse if you are in or near an area that has seen significant death. It is also because… because…” She can’t seem to find a way to finish her sentence.
It is then that Aza becomes more aware. Aware of how thin Jaddah is, the arms around her are merely just bone with a thin layer of skin, the paleness of her face, the darkness under her eyes.
“No! No, Jaddah. You’re dying?”
“Yes, my child. I have been sick for some time. When I go, my spirit weight will pass fully to you. I am so sorry. I would have done more if I had known you were afflicted too. I will never be able to make up for not being around. But please know I loved your mother, and I love you. You do not have to return the sentiment. I know you don’t know me well enough to love me, but I need you to know that. ”