Chapter 12
Vaughn
Gimme All Your Lovin’ rings out into the night air, and it’s the push I need to finally ask “So what made you change your mind about me?”
I continue to look up at one of Austin’s beautiful night skies while I wait for Eli to respond. The country club is relatively secluded, so the light pollution here is minimal. The stars are so vivid, and there are thousands of them littering the inky black night.
The music Eli chose is the perfect backdrop to this beautiful view. Eli has a playlist for everything, and it’s somehow always the perfect music for the scene.
“What makes you think I’ve changed my mind about you?”
I know he has. He was into me that first night.
He was open about it, and when he was all jacked up on GHB, he even thought we were soulmates.
Now, he won’t so much as sit beside me, and he hasn’t tried to kiss me even though we’ve been hanging out every day for more than a month.
He’s not interested in me anymore, and I know he’s physically attracted to me, so it’s something I did.
Or it’s my personality. That would sting.
It can’t be my personality, though. We’re friends.
He doesn’t have to hang out with me, but he does.
He likes me. He just doesn’t want more than that anymore.
“I know you have. It’s okay. I’m just curious.” Also, it’s not okay, and it freaking stings because I’m so not in the same place.
The water shifts beside me as he stands up.
“What are you talking about? Nothing has changed.”
“Oh, come on. You were into me when we met. You said I was going to meet your mother, and you thought we were soulmates.”
His head tilts to the side slightly, and his eyes narrow as though he’s trying to understand something.
His hair is wet, and it frames his face, giving him a sexy, tatted badass with dimples vibe.
Water beads up on his broad chest and Sultan-of-Swat arms. Where did this guy come from?
Was he made? Does his dad have a propensity for lightning bolts while his mom is the overarching authority on women, childbirth, and marriage?
“I’m still into you, Vaughn. I bring you coffee every day. I follow you home from work every night. What would give you the impression that I’m not into you? This is breaking and entering, but here I am....for you.”
Oooookay. Well....all of that is true, but the things I’ve been thinking are true, too. Why hasn’t he made a move?
I stand up to face him, but he towers over me, so I just look up at him from way down here.
He’s hot. Like move over Chris Hemsworth hot.
He has so many tattoos. Too many to count, and they’re everywhere.
Even his neck and the backs of his hands.
Then, there’s this almost shoulder length dark blonde hair that he keeps tied back and those icy blue eyes.
His eyes are just as much white as they are blue.
Pale and beautiful. He’s tan, and his smooth skin rises and dips with the curve of every muscle.
So many muscles. His body is just a collection of tattoos and very strategically organized muscles.
The muscles in his lower abdomen that come together in the most incredible way, meeting in a V that disappears beneath his boxers, are my favorite ones.
I’ve been lost in my appreciation of him for so long that I’ve forgotten what he said. Oh yeah, he’s into me. Coffee every day, follows me home every night. Right.
“Yeah....but, you don’t even sit by me. It’s been more than a month, and you’ve made no moves. Zero. You kiss me on the forehead like my brother.”
“You have a brother?”
“No. But he would kiss me on the forehead if I had one.”
He chuckles. He chuckles while I still need answers.
“I’m into you, V. I’m so into you that I don’t want to wreck my chance by starting something you’re not ready for.”
Something I’m not ready for? Who is he to decide what I’m ready for? I’m about to give him a verbal smackdown when he speaks again.
“I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me, but first....you have to trust yourself and, right now, you don’t.
You’re only seeing the bad in the choices you’ve made.
You can’t see the good relationships you’ve formed for yourself.
You aren’t focusing on the good you bring to the world.
Until you can do that, I’m going to continue sitting on the other couch and letting you set the pace for this relationship.
This is already a relationship, by the way. ”
Wow. The can is open and there are worms EVERYWHERE. Is that true? Part of it is for sure. I don’t trust myself. I do trust him, but I also don’t trust my judgment, so I guess he’s right that I can’t truly trust him until I trust myself. Damn...cool it with the philosophical beat down, Aristotle.
Am I focused on the bad? That’s not like me, and I don’t want to start being like that. Did Chase affect me more than I realized?
“Let me set the pace?”
“Yes. You make the decisions about what you’re ready for, and you tell me how it’s going to be.
We’ll take things further when you’re ready to do so.
We will go where you want to go when you decide we need to be there.
Give it thought, make a decision, and trust that it’s the right one.
You have great instincts. You’ve just forgotten that. ”
“What makes you think I have great instincts?”
“You want to trust me. Great instincts. You’ve made friends with two of the weirdest guys I’ve ever met, even when most people wouldn’t have taken them seriously.
Turns out, they’re great dudes. Good choice.
Still don’t know what Paul Walker did to you, but you had good enough instincts not to buy the bullshit apology he undoubtedly tried to feed you.
We all meet bad people. We all get burned by the shitty behavior of others.
It’s because we give them a chance. It would say a lot more about you if you never gave anyone the opportunity to hurt you than it does that you’ve dated a few dipshits. ”
Could he not have said all this a month ago? That’s good stuff. Makes sense. I’m not necessarily ready to relieve my proxies of duty, but I get what he’s saying at least.
“You know Paul Walker passed away, right?”
“Huh? Oh.....yeah. The guy. The one at the bar....he’s pretty like Paul Walker.”
“Oh. Ohhhhh. Oh. My. Gosh. I had no idea. You know, I can be so dense sometimes. You’re into Chase? I totally get it now.”
His face turns three varying shades of red. “What?! No! I just told you I’m into you.”
I ‘m laughing so hard that my face goes underwater and I choke. Eli snatches me up out of the water, and I’m still laughing and choking. He isn’t amused.
“What the hell, Vaughn? Are you okay?”
I’m nodding my head as I continue to laugh and splutter.
“I’m fine. I’m fine. I just inhaled some water.”
“You know I’m not gay, right?”
I laugh harder and cough louder.
“Yes. I know you’re not gay. I was just messing with you. I’ve never heard a guy call another guy pretty, and here you are looking like something straight out of a Marvel movie and you’re saying Chase is pretty.”
He laughs quietly to himself.
“Yeah. Okay. Suppose I could’ve worded that differently.”
“So what does this look like for us? This, me setting the pace thing.”
“First of all, I like the us in that sentence. Keep saying things like that. Second, it looks like you making whatever moves you want made, and I follow your lead and only your lead. I don’t step out of line or push you for more.”
That feels like an ass-load of pressure. What if he doesn’t want to do what I want to do? He starts speaking again before I can completely process everything he’s said.
“But Vaughn, it’s important to me that you know...you’re only the boss to a certain point. After that, I take over.”
The hell did this man just say to me? He takes over? Takes over what? I thought I was the chief. Is he saying I’m the chief right now, but he’ll be the chief....in the bedroom? FLAME ON, Human Torch! It’s hot out here!
“I want to do everything you want to do. Maybe more. Probably more. Definitely more.”
Did I say that out loud? No. I’m pretty sure I didn’t, but he definitely just responded to my inner monologue.
“Your face says everything you’re thinking.”
Oh. Yeah. He’s not the first person to tell me that.
He’s revealed so much tonight. There’s so much to process.
He’s into me. Thank God, he’s into me because I am so into him.
Physically, he’s a work of art, but emotionally, he’s perfection.
He’s funny and kind and patient and calm.
He brings peace to my life. I’m a lot. Like a lot a lot.
I have fire when sometimes I should have grace, and I say what I think as I think it.
My words are given zero time to marinate before they’re served but he likes that about me.
I close the distance between us before I have more time to sift through his words.
Grabbing his biceps, I lift myself up so that I can wrap my legs around his waist. He sucks in a sharp breath and doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands.
He has them on my ass at first and then quickly moves them further down my thighs.
Then, to my waist and finally, to my back.
He doesn’t actually have to hold me. I’m weightless in the water, and it isn’t a strain on my legs to hold myself close to him.