Chapter 5 Quentin
The world came into focus with a vibrancy that felt wrong.
Beneath my head, there was the comforting softness of a pillow and my fingers curled around a comforter.
But despite being sheathed in tenderness, my body ached.
Each joint was filled with pain while my insides felt as if they were on fire.
The sensations became overwhelming, and I shut my eyes tight, blocking out the world and willing for it all to stop.
Taking in a deep breath, I realised I must be back at Erik’s estate.
If I was foolish enough, I might have believed that the conversation with Gray was nothing more than a bad dream.
A nightmare that I could forget and laugh about.
But the pain that coursed through my chest was not a figment of my imagination.
The phantom ring on my finger testified to my reality.
“Welcome back, Scott.” To my left, the bed sagged as Larkin took a seat. I cracked my eyes open to find her peering down at me with concern etched into her features.
I opened my mouth to talk, but the pain went from a dull ache to a sharp stabbing, forcing me to curl into a ball.
Her long, slender fingers stroked my hair.
The gentle touch was enough to break my already wavering resilience, and the tears fell.
Larkin offered no words of comfort. She neither encouraged me to stop or continue.
I needed reassurance. Wanted someone to take the reins. For as long as I could remember, I ran on autopilot. Life threw a curveball and soldiered on until the next one. What else was I meant to do? The only other option was to give up, and it looked more and more appealing.
Gray had promised that I wouldn’t have to handle things alone anymore. He’d made good on that promise until now. Brick by brick, he removed my walls until he had access to every part of me.
The sobs turned into screams as frustration bled into the mix, summoning Erik and Sloan into the room.
“Erik, there has to be something…” Sloan trailed off.
“There’s nothing I can do. Their bond—” He choked on the word.
I’d never felt pain so raw in my life. Not even when my parents died.
That pain had been numbing and dulled my world.
Time slowed and life became hazy as I navigated my way through each day.
This pain pulled everything into focus and demanded to be felt in its entirety.
It sobered me and brought things into focus.
Everything was too loud. Too bright. Too much.
Inescapable. That was what the feeling was. I was trapped in a world that I’d never asked to be a part of, and the one thing that made it bearable was now salt in the wound.
I writhed on the bed, struggling to take a breath as pain flooded my senses.
“Erik!” Larkin called, worry lacing her voice. She held me down, attempting to still me, but the pain became overwhelming and I knocked her away before throwing up over the edge of the bed. A physical expulsion of everything that churned inside.
Multiple hands grabbed me, shifting my body into a comfortable position again.
I tried to focus on my breaths while they hovered around me, unsure of what to say or do.
Something inside was unravelling at an alarming rate.
For a moment, I wondered if it was a heart attack.
Had I finally reached my threshold? I’d read books and papers about how the body would store trauma.
Was it finally paying me back for years of neglect?
The sweat beaded on my forehead and I clenched my jaw so tight that I grew worried that I might break my teeth. I shut my eyes, ignoring the probing questions and the footsteps. I couldn’t bear to focus on anything other than my next breath.
“Erik,” I called quietly in a moment of relief that finally came.
Sloan had long left to take care of her children and somewhere along the way, Larkin had also slipped from the room. Life continued around me while I figured out if there was a way out of the mess I’d made of mine.
Bouquets of peonies were dotted around the room.
It was Sloan’s way of making me feel welcome.
The pastel pale colours stood out against the ivory walls.
Erik stood by the window, staring out into the garden.
I wondered what went through his head. How much he regretted ever admitting the truth to Gray about our bond.
When he turned to look at me, I noted the faint purple circles under his eyes. They were stark against his porcelain skin. He attempted a weak smile. “How are you feeling?”
The silence sat between us.
When you grew accustomed to Gray, to the chaos and heaviness he carried around with him, you learned to appreciate the lightness that Erik offered.
He was skilled in small talk and could lift the moods swiftly.
Erik’s very being emanated love and affection in such vivid waves that you couldn’t help but be swept into it.
But as Erik struggled, I couldn’t bring myself to play along.
I was suddenly immune to his usual infectious nature.
“Quentin,” he began. “Grayson, he tried…”
“Please.”
“He…”
Erik didn’t finish the sentence because, what was there to say?
Grayson did more than break my heart.
He shattered our bond.
He told me I was unwanted and that he wished he’d never laid eyes on me.
I wondered if he thought it would have been better if I had died that night the car hit me.
My stomach rolled at the thought.
I was on my own now.
No backup from Gray.
Whatever happened next, I could only rely on myself.