Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
I was exhausted, sore, and miserable, but my tasks still weren’t done. After sending my letter to Dayne, I couldn’t leave Rowan to the utter confusion and terror he must be feeling, so I made my way to the clay district and asked person after person for Faller’s home.
I could hear an argument ongoing inside: Faller and someone else. Someone very displeased with the idea of a violent, dangerous soter in their home.
Before I knocked on the tenement door, I caught sight of Rowan. He was tied to the post of a woodshed in the courtyard just beside the building, his back tight to the post. His arms behind it. Blankets were piled on his legs.
He looked warmer—his colour had returned a little. His lips were pink. But he also looked worse in many ways. One eye was black and nearly swollen shut.
“What happened?” I said, rushing to him, kneeling next to where he sat.
“Gentlewoman, I am not certain.”
I’d forgotten the feeling of speaking to men on the Isle, the idea that some thoughts—anything dark or scary or painful—should be avoided in the presence of a woman.
I felt my face relax into nothingness. Such a familiar expression. “Did you fight?” I said.
“I did.”
A Norsern laugh snuck out of the facade. “Then you know what happened.”
The corners of Rowan’s mouth lifted. “Gentlewoman, I was trying to spare you the details.”
“I am ordering you very seriously right now,” I said. “Stop fighting. Let Faller feed you, give you drink, clean dry clothes… let your strength return.”
Rowan’s face steeled as he looked at me. I was offending him or else frustrating him. His head was tilted back against the post, baring his throat. The one green eye he could open fully glowed with rage.
“I need to know you’ve heard and understood this order,” I said.
His jaw ticked. “You are telling me to cooperate with our enemies.”
“Yes.”
He seethed, and since I knew Islish people were skilled at hiding their feeling, I knew there had to be at least double the anger beyond what I was seeing.
I raised my brows—in the exact way King Arik did when he didn’t like someone’s report. “You think dying would be better than obeying me?” I hadn’t forgotten Dania’s words from moons ago. A Norsern was allowed to kill their sotern.
“Gentlewoman, I fear sacrificing my honour much more than I fear death.”
I nearly rolled my eyes, but instead, I changed tactics. Another thing I’d seen King Arik do. He often pressed on an issue gently from many different sides before finding the best course to secure what he wanted. “And what of me? You’ve come all this way to die in front of me?”
It worked. Rowan’s back straightened a little. He winced. “Gentlewoman, I would never wish to cause you pain.”
The wind caressed us, tousling his dark hair and singing through the wind chimes hanging in the courtyard.
I could play delicate gentlewoman for long enough that Rowan properly calmed, properly healed, and realized being cooperative was to his advantage. I swallowed. “I would like to hear of my family.”
“Of course, Gentlewoman.”
“But first,” I held my head high and steady. “I would like to go into Faller’s home and tell him you will accept clean, dry clothing and a washbasin.”
“You would have me wear sea dog clothing?” a hint of steel returned to his voice.
“Yes. You are sworn to my brother. I must see you’re cared for. And there’s no Islish clothing around as far as I can tell.”
After a moment’s more hesitation, Rowan nodded, and I went to fetch Faller.
Faller had three friends standby as Rowan washed and changed, worried he’d run or steal something.
Faller tied Rowan back up after, but with much more slack to the rope, giving Rowan the ability to sit in several different positions.
With Rowan clean and dry, I stayed by his side for an hour or two.
He told me Dayne was well-suited to the role of grainkeeper.
That my brother hadn’t ceased focus since I was found to be missing.
He sought to end the sea dogs, and because of this, many of the common people admired him.
They were the ones who suffered most when raiders came.
Dayne elevated farmers who wished to fight and had sons old enough to carry on their field work, knighting several common folk, becoming beloved because of it.
He’d joined forces with Loric who had also been promoted to grainkeeper in my absence.
Rowan said my sister Elfrith—little thirteen-year-old Elfrith—was managing the vault as my mother grieved for my father.
Those who worked in the kepen were in awe of her.
A priestess had even written a psalm about her diligence and grace.
Rowan told me that Gerwin, the blacksmith of the Kepen at the Arched Cliffs, the man who’d raised Rowan for most of his life, had also died during the sea dog attack.
He said they’d forged more steel since I’d gone missing than the rest of his years combined, taking on three more apprentices, all sons of farmers who had enough additional sons to manage the fields.
“They will come,” Rowan said again. “Dayne and Loric and the eastern grainkeepers. One day soon, Gentlewoman, the sea dogs will be no more.”
They will not, I thought. Dayne will listen to me. King Arik is reasonable, and in the cases where he is not, he will listen to Fell. We can see that this goes no further.
“Let us pray not,” I said. “It sounds as if there has been enough fighting and death.”
“You would not want to be rescued, Gentlewoman?”
“Not at the risk of lives I wouldn’t.”
Rowan’s face softened properly for the first time since I’d seen him on the beach. “I am sorry for all that has befallen you, Gentlewoman.”
“I have not been ill-treated,” I said. Apart from when King Arik tricked me into speaking to no one in my own language for three moons.
I was still irritated by that depending on my mood.
And my day had been long enough that I was in a great, terrible mood.
I was so tired I felt I might cry just from the look on Rowan’s face.
“Your heart is strong,” I said. It was a common way to describe a passionate person in the Land of the Northernmost Star, but translated into Islish, it felt a very rare thing to say.
“I will come and see you as often as I can.”
“I await your next order, Gentlewoman.”
I set my hand on his forearm, something else incredibly rare on the Isle: touch. I felt his muscles relax beneath my fingers. I saw the fire in his eyes relax.
I must not succumb to panic, I told myself as I walked back to the palace in the pink glow of dusk. King Arik is speaking to the captains who attacked. Geryn is delivering my letter. I will explain everything to Fell, he will…
“Oh! Mira, yes?”
My eyes jumped to the giant who’d spoken. It was Eggun, Dania’s lover.
“Where is Dania?” I said, surprised to find him alone in the city so soon after they’d reunited.
“She is seeking someone to mind the boys. So we can have our evening…”
I thought about offering to watch them for her, but the idea felt repulsive. I was too tired to listen to them shriek all evening.
There was a moment of awkwardness between us. I knew a lot about this man because Dania had told me a lot, but he didn’t know what I knew. “Dania is my favourite wombed being in all the realm,” I said. “You must stay home with her for a long while.”
He smiled. “I expect we shall be good friends then. She is also my favourite wombed being.” But then his smile faded and his lips moved a little on his face before he spoke again. “How is Fell?”
“Well, I think.” But as the words were coming out of my mouth, I doubted them. Entirely. He hadn’t been as light as usual, and I’d been in my own storm of emotion and confusion… so I hadn’t fully noticed. Indeed, the more I thought on it, the less certain I was…
Eggun cleared his throat. “I know we have only just met, but I have known Fell for years. If you need help with him or—”
“Why would I need help with him?”
“Because… he did seem to be faring well, but it was not so long ago that he was not.”
Were we talking about an illness or something else? I was using a second language and well could mean many things.
“You do not know what I am speaking of,” Eggun said, his brows raising.
And I stood there feeling stupid.
“It is his story to tell, but maybe he cannot? He had a woman in his life before you—Jura—she raided with us. She was older than him… or maybe that does not matter. She became vaneurigk. But she did not survive it. The child lived for three days only.”
My jaw bones seemed to twist inside my face. “Thank you for telling me this,” I said.
I turned around and left without any proper goodbye, weaving through the crowd, turning without thinking about which alley I was turning down, knowing only that I was going in the right direction.
I entered the palace and asked each person I saw, “Have you seen Fell?” “Where is Fell?”
“Temple,” Eydis answered me finally. “Vaneurim’s.”
Fell had said that much earlier in the day. He’d said we were going together…
“Where is that? Take me there, please.”