Chapter 42
Forty-Two
My heart was still racing when I made it back to our rooms—our messy rooms overflowing with gifts for Halvar or me or Fell.
“Ah, there you are.” Fell was holding wailing Halvar gingerly. “He has become angry with me—”
“He is hungry,” I said, not wanting to feed him in my terrified state, to have any of my feeling going into him.
“Yes, I thought so too—”
Any hope of holding off on feeding him dissolved as milk started leaking from me. The sound of his cry was too much for my body.
“Any luck?” Fell said, seeming much calmer than when I’d left.
“None,” I said, unlacing the front of my dress and taking Halvar.
I nestled into the chair and tucked my legs in as Halvar struggled to latch a few times, growing more irate with each failed attempt.
“And much worse than that.” Panic flooded through me once more as I thought of how to begin.
“Arik is cross with me… I have been so, so… Listen to me.”
Fell’s eyes had wandered to Halvar, away from my face.
“He is handsome, is he not? It is distracting.”
“This is serious. I have offended King Arik. Gravely.”
Fell’s eyes settled on me. “Offended him how?”
“I wrote a letter. I heard those from my country, my family among them, were to attack, and I did not tell Arik. I wrote a letter to my brother, asking him to stop it.”
Fell blinked at me. “You can write?”
“Yes—”
“That is impressive—”
“Right now, it is not. It is dangerous.”
Fell sighed softly and came closer to me, crouching and resting his hands on my thighs. How much calmer I felt with his hands on me. “Dangerous things can be impressive,” he said. “But yes, thinking about it… this would bother Arik. You know how paranoid he is already. He will forgive you—”
Fell’s calm was annoying me now. “Do not assume—”
“Mira, I have known him a long while. He will forgive. It will take time. A fair amount of time, but I have seen him forgive people for things. He adores you. He adores me. He adores Halvar. And you know how to write, and you had news that was rare to have. He is probably somewhat impressed with you as well.”
“That is not what he said…” He said we would forget it. He said he would forgive me.
“Of course not. Arik finds it challenging to give compliments to others.”
I set my forehead against Fell’s shoulder, Halvar still feeding between us.
Fell’s hands ran up and down my back. “In the end, it will be well,” he said.
“I will tell Arik not to frighten the mother of my children. I will tell you that next time—if there is a next time—let me know of possible attacks as well. We have a son now to protect.”
I lifted my head off Fell’s shoulder, looking down at our child. If the order came, would his black hair spare him? Or would they think of him as a sea dog?
I looked back up to Fell, but his eyes were on Halvar as well. “What are you thinking?” I said.
“I am not thinking at all,” Fell said. “He grows so fast. I am trying to remember everything.”
Deep into the night, while Fell and Halvar slept, my mind ran over everything again and again. Without Fell’s voice, without his hands… my calm had faded. There was the angering of the king, which did not sit well with me. But there was also what I’d seen behind the gilded door.
In my agitation, I did something most unlike me. I crept from bed, and took my small pouch of casting stones, and slipped into the hall. I knelt beside a nearly-burnt-out brazier, using the coals for light.
The bag pulsed in my hands, hotter than it had any right to be in places, but cold in other places.
“I wish to understand this day, the forbidden room,” I told the pouch as I shook a few stones loose.
Dry Bone. Dry Beneath. It is exactly what you thought it was.
My heart raced.
They are the bones of readers, of soothsayers and seers who had once been embraced by King Arik but fell out of his favour.
My fingers twitched as I pulled another stone out, adding to my question. “Why would Jorn want me to see them? Why would Hyrold?”
I turned the stone over and set it on the carpet. Wet Brother.
Protector. Jorn has been guarding you as long as you’ve known him. He sees himself as the last of King Arik’s readers—
“Is that true?” I said, shaking the bag a little. Before I reached in to pull a stone, I felt the bag’s sentiment through the tips of my fingers.
It might be.
I huffed.
As for Hyrold? The next three stones seemed to say. He is waking. You are feeling the echoes of that. There is a great elk hunt in the beyond. It has happened before and will happen again.
“I want more clarity than that.” I reached into the bag, but again their answer came faster than I could pull a stone.
You have not worked with us enough. We reveal ourselves to you.
We make understanding us easier for you, but you only use us when it pleases you.
You pretend things are not as they are. You call yourself Goldkeeper one moment, but free Norsen the next.
You must decide. Oh yes. You must decide quickly.