Chapter 1
“They’re the stars of the new film Andy Warhol Never Gets Old starring Matthew Malone as Andy Warhol.”
“The Matthew Malone?”
“Yes, Mel, the Matthew Malone, and I know you love him. Welcome to Indiana Mornings, Kai Laramie and Juniper Castillo.”
_____
Smile. I’m inside some conference room at the Mandarin Oriental hotel in New York City staring down the barrel of a camera.
We’re live, via satellite, in Indianapolis.
I can’t see the set, or the anchors of Indiana Mornings.
I can only hear their voices. “Good morning,” Juniper says.
She sounds cheery for someone I know was up till three in the morning worrying about the junket.
“I have to ask you about Matthew Malone.”
“The best,” I say.
“The absolute best,” Juniper echoes.
Remember Ellen’s prep. Matthew is genuine, funny, and wise. He really transformed himself for this role. He’s such a brilliant actor. I know you all know him from the MCU, but we can’t wait for you to meet him as Andy Warhol.
“I understand this is based on a true story. Juniper, you play a young journalist?”
“A VERY young journalist, I’d say, Chris.”
Juniper laughs ever so slightly.
My armpits are sweating. Why am I even scared? It’s only Indiana Mornings.
“Yes,” Juniper says, “I’m a journalist following Andy Warhol in what turns out to be the final months of his life, and Kai plays one of his interns.”
“Kai, you’re actually from right here in Indianapolis.”
“That’s right, Mel. I grew up watching your show.” That’s a lie, but a good one.
“And while here you were abused by a teacher. You’ve been very public about this difficult chapter in your life.”
_____
Ellen told me this would happen now that everything’s been out for over a week and I posted to Instagram acknowledging the abuse to “get out in front of it.” They will say You’ve been very public about your abuse, because that gives them permission to talk about it.
They’re not being vultures, because you’ve been very public about it.
She taught you how to pivot. So you pivot.
“It was a really difficult time in my life, but I poured all that—and everything else I’ve experienced—into this movie, Andy Warhol Never Gets Old.”
“Well,” Mel says. “I can’t wait to see it.”
“Thanks so much, Mel,” Juniper answers. “It’s a movie that really makes you believe in the power of art, and the power of love.”
“Sounds like my kind of movie,” Chris says. “Plus, it’s got the Matthew Malone.”
“Swoon,” says Mel. “Well, thanks so much for joining us, Kai Laramie and Juniper Castillo. Andy Warhol Never Gets Old opens October fourth in theaters everywhere.”
“Go Jaguars!” I say. My high school mascot.
“And we’re out,” says a voice in our ears. Then Katie comes in: “Juniper, I could feel you wince a little when you said the movie makes you believe in the power of love.”
“Yeah, well, it’s aggressively cheesy.”
“Remember, all morning we’re talking to heartland folk. This is flyover country. They don’t give a shit about Andy Warhol.”
“You realize you’re talking about Kai, right? He’s from ‘flyover country.’ ”
“Just doing my job. Okay, we’ve got Omaha up next. Very similar. Three to five minutes. You’re doing great.”
_____
We do Omaha. We do Cincinnati. We do Tulsa and Philadelphia and Asheville and Pasadena.
I try to hold my shoulders up, even though I’m flagging.
I remember my talking points, and repeat them as if I’ve never said them before.
Juniper squeezes my hand between each interview, which helps.
Brings me back into my body. Only about a third of them mention it.
The junket is the same thing over and over again: What’s it like to work with Matthew Malone?
You two have remarkable chemistry in the movie; what’s the key?
You must be so excited to work together again on Gods of Andromeda.
Juniper, we hear Kai saved you from an overenthusiastic fan.
Matthew Malone completely transformed himself to become Andy Warhol.
Kai, is it true you told Juniper you loved her the first time you met?
What do you hope people take away from the film?
Juniper, you’ve been very public about the neglect and abuse your mother inflicted.
Kai, you’ve been very public about the trauma you experienced; did that go into your character?
_____
In Colorado Springs—again, we cannot see any of these people or places; we only know it’s Colorado Springs because we’ve been told it’s Colorado Springs—the anchor says, “We hear you two are besties.”
Juniper and I glance at each other. “Absolutely,” I say. “I love Juniper so much I signed up to do another movie with her.”
“We thought we’d give you a little bestie quiz.”
“Sounds fun,” Juniper says. It does not sound fun, of course. Nothing that happens in this black room with lights shining down on us, with the movie poster in the background of the shot, nothing in this room can sound fun.
“Juniper, what color is Kai’s toothbrush?”
“Easy,” Juniper says. “Blue.”
“Kai?”
“It is blue,” I say.
“Kai, what is Juniper’s favorite animal?”
I turn to Juniper. “You want to say it together?” I ask.
“Sure,” she says.
This is an old acting trick. “A rhi—” I start, and then Juniper jumps in so quickly that you can’t tell I started first: “—noceros,” we say together.
“Tell me more about that, Juniper.”
“Oh, years ago one escaped from a zoo in Prague,” she says. “And I just thought that was so beautiful, a rhinoceros walking the streets of Prague. I’ve been obsessed with them ever since.”
“Amazing. Juniper, what is Kai’s favorite color?”
“Yellow,” Juniper answers with confidence. I do not have a favorite color.
“Almost,” I say. “It’s the specific yellow that ginkgo leaves turn in Indiana autumn.”
“We’ll give it to her,” the anchors say. “What about Juniper’s favorite drink?”
“Club soda,” we say together.
“Oh, a teetotaler. Okay, you’re batting a thousand. Last one: Kai, is Juniper single?”
“Yes,” I say.
“Juniper?”
“Well, he’s wrong there. I’m married to the sea.”
The anchors laugh together.
“Okay, you’re clearly Real-Life Besties. Congratulations on the film. We haven’t gotten to see it yet, but The New York Times preview called it one of the most anticipated pictures of the year so far, and we can’t wait to see it in theaters October fourth. Juniper and Kai, thanks, besties.”
“Thank you so much,” I say.
“And we’re out,” Ellen says. “Great job. We’ve got two minutes until Duluth. Three more of these and we move on to the roundtables. Y’all are doing great.”
I turn to Juniper. “Nice work on rhinoceros,” I say.
“There actually was a rhino that escaped the Prague Zoo,” she says. “I didn’t even make that up. Now that will be my favorite animal forever.”
“Got it. And I guess my toothbrush is now blue,” I say.
“What color is it actually?”
“No idea. Are you actually married to the sea?”
“Quite.”