Chapter Seventeen
Serenity
Monday Night Football. A half hour before we’re due on the field to begin our routine and we’re two cheerleaders down: Mona and Persia.
I’m in my uniform and my hair and makeup are done.
In the locker room, everyone is mostly ready.
While the mood not so long ago was upbeat, Harmony’s been summoned upstairs, along with Ashlyn, her deputy.
I’ve heard whispers, but I’m keeping my head down.
‘She’s toast,’ Shawny comments as she tugs on her boots. ‘There’s no way they’ll let her stay.’
She’s talking about Persia. Next to me, Jewel looks surprised. ‘You really think that’s true?’
‘In that hoochie outfit, in a club, at three in the morning, drunk and still downing liquor? There’s no chance they’ll let her keep her place on the squad.’
Jewel lowers her tone. ‘You don’t think they’ll just give her a slap on the wrist and let bygones be bygones?’
Angel takes a seat next to Shawny. She’s crossed her arms over her chest. ‘She might have gotten away with it had she not been photographed.’
A cry goes up from Imara, a fourth-year veteran with the second longest legs you ever saw, after Angel’s. ‘Don’t forget putting it out on her ’gram!’
Jewel leans over in my direction and lowers her voice. ‘Some of the girls are saying Persia wanted out of her contract, like she was tryna get fired. That’s why she decided to party hard on Saturday. Like she’s had enough.’
My stomach is churning. ‘Why would you actively go do that though? After everything it took to get on the squad? Why throw it away like that? All careless?’
I realize I could be talking about my own situation.
Yesterday, Jake and I had sex one more time at the cabin before he had to leave.
He keeps telling me how crazy he is about me, which makes me feel warm inside.
And I can’t wait to get a glimpse of him on the field tonight.
Careless is one thing Jake and I can’t afford to be.
There’s a commotion when Harmony enters the locker room, flanked by Ashlyn. Harmony hasn’t changed yet, and wears skinny jeans, a dark green T-shirt and a leather jacket. Ashlyn is in her uniform already.
Harmony addresses us all, concern etched into her features. ‘Alright, CMC, gather round, listen up.’
We all gather. There are worried faces.
‘Okay, I’ll start with Mona,’ Harmony says with a sigh. ‘Kathleen and Ms Conway have put her on temporary suspension. If she can lose the weight she’s gained and fast, then they’ll allow her back on the squad.’
‘Oh, come on,’ Angel blurts. ‘Her fiancé ran off with her sister. If that happened to me, I wouldn’t just console myself gorging on a box of Snickers ice cream.’
‘I’d eat the whole goddamned Snickers ice cream bar factory,’ Shawny chips in.
I don’t know Mona. We’ve maybe exchanged a few words, tops.
All I know is that she’s a second-year veteran who has copper-colored hair, a straight nose and grey eyes.
She’s the smallest of all of us, and the rumour going round is her CMC uniform shorts have gotten a little too snug due to a recent revelation about her fiancé hooking up with her younger sibling.
‘She knew the rules,’ Ashlyn states from behind Harmony. ‘She signed the contract, just like everybody else.’
‘We all know what we signed,’ Imara says, sounding tetchy. ‘But ain’t nobody able to predict what’s gonna happen in your personal life. They should cut Mona some slack.’
‘I get that some of you are gonna be bothered by this,’ Harmony says.
‘But Ashlyn is right; Mona signed the contract. The rules are in place for a reason. We protect the Mutineers brand, at all times. People are scrutinizing us every second of every day. Mona will claw her place back on the squad. Lacey’s gonna visit her after tonight’s game, aren’t you? ’
All eyes go to Lacey, another flame-haired second-year veteran who nods her head, but my mind is reeling.
I shift my position. I wipe my upper lip, which is now dappled in sweat.
I’m already breaking two rules in my own contract.
I waver a little and take a step back. From behind me, Jewel grabs my shoulders and gives them a squeeze.
‘All okay?’ she asks, and I force my best smile.
‘What about Persia?’ Angel asks.
Harmony looks to her fingers. ‘I tried, but… I’m sorry. Persia’s not gonna be coming back.’
There are gasps from everyone in the circle. Jewel’s hands cover her mouth.
Ashlyn shushes everyone. ‘Let her speak!’ she raises her voice, referring to Harmony.
‘I spoke to Persia this morning,’ Harmony continues. ‘Asked her to justify her behavior, and the photographs from Saturday night, if she wanted out or if she’d rather stay. She wanted to stay. Kathleen wanted to sanction her, but… Ms Conway wanted her gone. I’m sorry.’
Everyone talks at once. ‘Rules are rules!’ Ashlyn shouts over the commotion, exchanging glances with Harmony.
A moment later, the door to the locker room opens. Samantha Conway enters, wearing a face like thunder. She’s followed closely by Kathleen.
Sam Conway rarely comes to the CMC locker room, unless it’s to double-check on our appearance. Except now, everybody freezes at the sight of her, unsure what to do with themselves.
‘Harmony, please go get changed,’ she says smoothly to our captain. Harmony nods, moving to her locker. She looks to the rest of us. ‘Everybody else, please take a seat.’
Instantly, I back up to my changing station – with my own life-size photograph in my Mutineers uniform as the backdrop – and sit my butt down. Everybody else does the same, in double quick time.
I remember the day they took my photograph in my uniform. I was so full of hope, that becoming part of the CMC would change my life for the better. That I was going to be better. That I deserved to be here.
Now all that’s been brought into question.
I watch Sam Conway for a moment. She’s dressed in a suit that’s as sharp as her cheekbones.
She’s wearing bright red lipstick, and her face contains barely any fine lines for her age.
The worst thing is that her son looks just like her.
I think of the look on his face when I was naked for him, and it makes me shudder.
‘Now,’ Sam Conway begins, looking to her perfectly manicured nails. There’s malice in her tone. ‘To be down one cheerleader is unfortunate. To be down two? Well, that’s practically unheard of.’
She attempts a smile. It kind of looks how the devil might react to receiving a bumper crop of sinners, standing guilt-stricken at the gates of hell.
She paces up and down. I dare not breathe.
‘Miss Takeda’s behavior this weekend was unacceptable. Unacceptable.’
That last word comes out as a hiss and the air in the locker room turns thick. Nobody wants to put a foot out of line. My stomach is clenched.
‘May I remind you all,’ Sam Conway continues, ‘that you are here to represent a brand. You tarnish that brand, there will be consequences. If any of you need reminding of the terms of your contract, then that can be arranged. If you cannot abide by those rules, then Kathleen will show you the door, and I will be damned sure to lock it behind you.’
She pauses to let that sink in. A part of me wants to blurt out what I’ve been doing these past few weeks.
I look at Harmony, who is now dressed. Could I have held out like she is doing…
could I have tried harder to resist Jake Walsh’s advances…
those are the things that bother me the most. I thought – hoped – that if I told Kale McCoy I had secured a place on the CMC squad, he might let me have a break as a dancer at Surly’s.
That I could somehow hit the pause button on my other, less official, ‘agreement’.
But he didn’t relent, and here I am, signed up to a contract whose terms I’d already broken before I even put pen to paper.
When Ms Conway is gone, I use the bathroom.
Standing at the mirror, I grip the sides of the washbasin and lean forward.
I want to splash cold water on my face, but I can’t risk the damage to my makeup.
I wouldn’t want anyone to believe that I was anything less than perfect.
Because, if I believe Ms Conway, that’s what I’m here to represent. Perfection.
The first time I put it on, I’d never been prouder to wear the CMC uniform. Yet now, I’ve sullied it.
I’m startled when behind me, a stall opens. Harmony emerges to wash her hands.
‘Ren?’ she says. ‘Everything alright?’
I force a smile, switching off the faucet. ‘I’m fine.’
‘I’m sorry about Persia. I feel guilty I couldn’t persuade them to let her stay. I hate to say she brought it on herself, but… some girls, they don’t like being told what they can and can’t do.’
‘It’s not your fault,’ I say, and I watch her wipe a little tear, before checking her eyelashes in the mirror. ‘Same for Mona.’
Harmony sighs. ‘Sometimes I think… in the twenty-first century, how can they still hold us to these standards? We talk about equality, but where’s it gone? A girl can be a brain surgeon, a scientist, she can fight in the military, but heaven forbid a cheerleader should gain a few pounds.’
‘Maybe the question we should be asking is why we still have cheerleaders,’ I say, because she’s right.
‘Because we bring the family-friendly pep, remember? We bring the wholesome, we make it all shiny, before the men come along and cover everything in mud and grit and sweat.’
We laugh together. I like Harmony. A little like me, I wonder if she’s hiding things.
Behind us, I hear a flush. From the furthest stall emerges an elegant, pale-skinned woman, with cropped, jet-black hair and a pair of headphones hanging around her neck. I’ve never seen her before. She comes and stands next to me, switching on the faucet.