Chapter 8
EVAN
Evan had color-coded Finn’s practice schedule on his calendar.
He stared at it on his laptop for a full five seconds before the realization landed.
The team’s practice blocks were in blue.
The coaches’ meetings were in gray. Travel logistics were in green.
And Finn’s individual ice times, the early-morning sessions Finn thought nobody tracked, were in gold.
A color Evan had not consciously selected.
A color that did not correspond to any category in his system.
Evan deleted the gold entries. Then he sat at his desk and considered the possibility that he was losing his mind.
Four months. He scrolled through the calendar and counted. Four months of subconsciously assigning a separate color to one player’s schedule, and the fact that he hadn’t noticed until now said more about where his head had been than any compliance form ever could.
* * *
The home arena ran cold, which was how arenas ran, and Evan sat in the operations section with his clipboard on his knee and his coat buttoned to his collar and did his job.
The student section was packed. The scouts were in the press box, two of them, notebooks open.
The ice was fresh from the first intermission resurface, and the players came out in the order they always came out: the goalie first, then the defensemen, then the forwards.
Finn was last. He always was. He took an extra lap, the blades cutting arcs near the blue line, his stick tapping the ice twice before he settled into position.
His jersey was 17. Evan knew the number because it was his job to know every number, and his pen tracked to Finn’s column before the puck even dropped.
Wisconsin played a trap that clogged the neutral zone and made clean entries difficult, and Evan tracked it the way he tracked everything: possession times, zone entries, transition gaps.
His handwriting was even. His notes were organized.
Under Finn’s name he had written: shoulders drop between shifts, tape job fresh, chews jersey collar when thinking.
Evan crossed out the last three entries.
They were not operational data. They were the notes of a man who was watching one player with an attention that had nothing to do with hockey operations and everything to do with the fact that he knew exactly what those shoulders looked like bare, what that jaw looked like when it wasn’t chewing on polyester, what those fingers did when they weren’t wrapped around a stick.
The second period ground on. Wisconsin tied it on a power play, a deflection off the post that the goalie had no chance on.
Evan wrote it down. The student section groaned.
The coaches’ box was loud with instructions, his father’s voice cutting through the glass, and Evan sat in his section and tracked shifts and noted the defensive gaps that would need addressing in film review.
Finn came over the boards for his next shift and Evan’s pen stopped.
He watched Finn take the face-off, win it clean, and cycle the puck along the half-wall with a patience that belonged to a player ten years older.
Finn’s edges were crisp tonight, his transitions seamless, and when he took a hit along the boards he absorbed it with his shoulder and kept driving, his jaw set, his legs churning through the contact.
Evan’s knuckles tightened on the pen. The cold of the arena had settled into his fingers and he could not look away.
Late in the second period, Marchetti scored off a scramble in front of the net.
Michigan 2, Wisconsin 1. Evan wrote it down.
The student section was on its feet. Evan had not seen the goal.
He had been watching Finn on the bench, his head tipped, his chest heaving from his last shift, the flush visible even under the rink lights.
Finn’s gloves were off, his fingers flexing, and he reached for the water bottle and tipped it and the line of his throat caught the overhead lights and Evan’s lips went dry in an arena that was eleven degrees too cold for dry lips to mean anything except what they meant.
Evan looked at his notes. Fourteen entries under Finn’s name. Three under Marchetti’s. Two under everyone else.
With four minutes left, the puck came to Finn at the left circle.
Finn held it for half a second longer than anyone expected and sent it cross-ice without looking.
A backhand pass threading through two defenders, arriving at his linemate’s tape at the exact moment the linemate was in position to receive it.
The linemate buried it. The arena went up.
Both scouts in the press box were writing at the same time, and Evan knew what they were writing because he’d written the same assessment three weeks ago in a report he’d never been asked to file: elite vision, reads developing plays two passes ahead, projects as a top-six center at the next level.
Evan’s ribs locked around a held breath, the arena air biting in his throat.
He sat very motionless and watched Finn skate to the bench.
Finn’s gloves came off. He flexed his right fist once, the fist that had made the pass, and his helmet tipped, his face flushed, his expression pulling at one corner.
Two years ago Evan would have written excellent ice vision, draft-ready hockey sense and closed the notebook.
Now he sat in the operations section and his pen hovered above the page and he could locate exactly where those fingers had gripped the headrest of a truck seat.
Michigan won 4-1. Evan stayed in his seat until the building emptied.
His father’s office smelled like old coffee and the papery staleness of a space that held decades of files.
The overhead fluorescent buzzed. Coach Tremblay was scrolling his tablet, his reading glasses on the desk, his pen tapping the edge in the rhythm he used when he was already thinking about the next opponent.
The mug on the coaster was the same mug that had been there since Evan was in high school, the logo faded to a ghost.
“Good game,” his father said without looking up.
“Good game.” Evan sat in the chair across the desk. The vinyl creaked under him the way it had creaked since he was sixteen.
“Peterson’s groin holding up?”
“Day-to-day. I’ll check with training staff in the morning.”
“Marchetti cleared from that upper-body thing?”
“Cleared for contact practice. Should be full go by the end of the week.”
“Good.” His father scrolled, his thumb on the screen. “How’s Holloway’s head this season? Kid seems distracted.”
“Holloway’s fine. Nothing to worry about.”
Evan’s grip on the clipboard did not change.
His breathing did not change. His voice did not change.
The words came out in the same register he used for scheduling conflicts, for arena renovations, for equipment orders.
Holloway’s fine. Filed in the same breath as Peterson’s groin and Marchetti’s upper body. A logistics problem, handled.
“Good.” His father nodded. “Scouts at every game now. Last thing we need is personal drama tanking his draft stock.”
“I know.”
“Keep an eye on him.”
“I will.”
His father went to the tablet. The fluorescent buzzed.
The coffee went on cooling. Evan sat in the chair and listened to his father’s pen tap its rhythm, the noise metronome-steady, and his own pulse matched it, and his clipboard was on his knee with fourteen entries under Finn’s name and three crossed out, and he had just answered a question about the person he’d been inside less than a week ago with the same voice he used for travel logistics.
Evan stood. “I’ll have the scout reports compiled by end of week.”
His father nodded without looking up.
Evan walked out. The hallway was dim. His shoes were loud on the linoleum.
He walked the length of it with the clipboard under his arm and his jaw set and none of it cost him anything.
That was how it worked. That was how it had always worked.
Fifteen years of being the coach’s son who kept everything running and never let anything show, and the reflex was so deep it didn’t register as a choice.
It was just air. The air he’d always breathed.
The lot was empty except for Finn’s truck and two vehicles near the far entrance that belonged to the custodial staff. The cold was sharp enough to get into Evan’s teeth, and his breath came visible as he crossed the asphalt.
Finn was leaning on the driver’s side, his bag at his feet, his collar pulled up. His hair was damp from the post-game shower, darker at the temples. He had his phone in his fist but he wasn’t looking at it. He was looking at the building.
When Finn saw Evan, his expression shifted. Not a smile. His chin came up and his gaze narrowed and his spine straightened, and then the whole thing dissolved into something softer, his expression pulling at one corner.
“Hey,” Finn said.
“Hey.” Evan stopped three feet away. “Good game.”
“Yeah.” Finn’s gaze held his. “You watching?”
“I’m always watching. It’s my job.”
Something worked in Finn’s jaw. Then Finn pushed off the truck and opened the rear entrance. Didn’t look at Evan. Climbed in and left it open behind him.
Evan stood in the empty lot with the board under his arm and the building behind him and the custodial vehicles near the far entrance and the security camera mounted above the side exit that he knew from memory covered the entrance but not this section of the lot. He had checked.
Evan set the clipboard on the hood of the truck. Got in. Pulled the entrance shut.
The cab was freezing. Finn was already on him, his knee pressing into the seat beside Evan’s thigh, his fists gripping the lapels of Evan’s coat, pulling him close.
Finn kissed him with no preamble, his lips chilled from the night air and then hot underneath, and Evan’s palms found Finn’s waist on reflex.