Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
DOTTIE
I haven’t been able to stop crying since I left early this morning. After my aunt told me her plan to get me to leave, how much she always hated me and thought I was a slut, she said the one thing that had the blood in my veins turning to ice.
She’s going to tell Arrie about me and Damon, and of all the days, on my mother’s birthday. I try and pull myself back together, before I need to leave the servo I’m sitting at, because although I’m heading back to Sydney, I’ve never missed calling mum on her birthday.
Switching on my phone, I swallow hard as the notifications start coming through. Moving my neck from side to side, in hopes to alleviate the ache forming, I look down to see the names flash across the screen as soon as it boots up.
Tin Man.
Arrie.
She knows, and I’m not ready to hear what she has to say. Yeah, it might be the coward’s way, but it’s the avenue I’m stumbling down for the moment. I don’t want to hear the disgust, or disappointment and hurt I know will be evident in her voice.
Sucking back a breath, I close out of all the messages and missed calls.
Scrolling through my contacts, I’m about to press call on my mother’s name, but the memory of my aunty, her sister, from last night buckets through, slaying wide fucking open again.
She threatened to tell the cop she was apparently engaged to, that Damon had touched me when I was twelve. Unless I left.
“You’ve been a busy girl, Dorothy. Get your ass inside before I call my daughter back and tell her exactly what you’ve been up to.”
She pushes past me, shouldering me in the process. I stand there, my body freezing in panic, my mind spiralling with the what ifs, and wonder how the hell she found out.
“Close the door, Dorothy, Arrie is gone, and we are having this conversation whether you like it or not, you little slut. Did you honestly think I wouldn’t find out?”
Swallowing, I close the door, because there is no way out of this, and I know what her ultimate goal is from this conversation. Me gone. Tears prick the back of my eyes, but I refuse to allow them to form. I won’t give her my anguish, tears or even the satisfaction.
I step into the room and move to sit down on the couch opposite her. She smiles smugly at me, her eyes looking crazed and full of herself, like she’s won the marathon she’s been running for the last decade.
“Now here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to tell Damon that if he doesn’t sign the garage over to me, and half of his super, then I will tell my boyfriend, who happens to be a cop that I caught him touching you when you were twelve, and that’s why we separated.
Oh, and then you’re going to get the fuck out of Barrenridge and never return.
Then maybe, just fucking maybe, I won’t tell Arrie how much of a home-wrecking whore you are, who is fucking her father for his money. ”
Red dots my vision, the anger thrashing violently through my veins.
“That never happened, and if there is anyone who is a home-wrecking whore, it is you. You’re the one who cheated on Damon, and who is actively seeking money, not me. I have my own money, and Arrie knows that.” I seethe, trying to rein in my fury and temper.
I see the tick in her jaw and eyebrow, the only show I’ve affected her with my words, but the Botox keeps her smile intact.
“Who do you think Arrie and Shane will believe, Dorothy? Some little trailer trash whore, or her mother and his fiancé?”
My eyes blow wide, flicking down to her ring finger to find a delicate gold band and diamond.
I haven’t heard of their engagement from Arrie so it must be new, but in all honesty, I don’t really focus on that.
What I do focus on, is what this will do to Damon’s reputation, and how Arrie will feel if this lying cat gets out of the bag.
“Oh, you didn’t know? He proposed to me last week.”
“I don’t give a shit who you screw, what I do care about, is what is coming out of your deceitful mouth.”
She smirks at me, noticing that she has clearly struck a chord.
“Your call, Dorothy. My offer expires by the morning.”
She picks up her Dolce and Gabbana bag, her heels clicking over the tiled kitchen until they go silent in the plush carpet. Clenching down on my jaw, I stay in place and squeeze my fists tightly.
She pauses with her hand on the door handle, and then she’s turning around, her dyed bleach blonde hair swishing with the movement. I hold her stare, not backing down, when in reality, my body is hammering wildly within.
I want to kill her for what she is doing to all of us, and I hate that I could have avoided this if I hadn’t been a chicken shit and told Arrie before her mother found out.
“Twelve hours, Dorothy, and then your world will implode. Don’t test me.”
With that she opens the door and slams it behind her.
I come back to the present, tears streaming down my face as my finger hovers over my mum’s number. I may have avoided Aunt Kerry’s wrath to an extent, reminding her of what I caught her doing to Arrie when she was a kid, but that doesn’t mean I got off Scott free.
I told her I would adhere to one of her requests and leave, but I wouldn’t do what she wanted me to do when it came to Damon. I was playing Russian roulette, I’m just lucky she didn’t try me on it, and tell Shane anyway.
I think of my dear cousin and best-friend, wondering if she remembers anything from her childhood, but if she does, we don’t speak of it. Never have. Arrie is a closed book, and I decided long ago that I would let sleeping dogs lie, unless she wanted to wake the fuckers up.
Poignancy threads its sickly web through my stomach, making me feel like I need to vomit. Swallowing it down, I recall what I told Kerry-Anne I would do if she went after Damon or myself ─ what I would do to her.
The angry and hateful words that spewed from her mouth, solidified what I already knew.
She told Arrie.
It was always her end game.
She hated how close we always were growing up, even more so as we got older, and a part of me wonders if it was jealousy because she wasn’t close to my mother, her own damn sister.
Shaking out of my thoughts, I press the call button.
Two rings and my dad answers. Fuck.
“Hello? ”
“Hey, dad, how are you?”
“Hey, baby girl. I’m doing as well as can be expected. But I guess you want to talk to your mother?”
“Yes, please, dad. I’ll chat with you later, ok?”
He grunts his acknowledgement, and I’m thankful he didn’t notice the hitch in my tone, or the sadness tinging it.
“Mani! Dottie is on the phone.”
“Coming!” my mum yells, and I smile.
There’s a rustle and then she speaks.
“Hey, Dottie Girl.”
“Hey, ma. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”
“Aw thanks, sweetheart. What are you up to?”
“I’m just driving, so I can’t talk long.”
“Are you alright, bub?” she asks, and I swallow the sob pushing up my throat.
“Yeah, I’m ok, mum. Just a rough night is all.”
“Are you sure?”
“Promise,” I lie. “But I need to go so I can concentrate on the road.”
“Ok, bub. Thanks for calling.”
“Always, mum. Happy birthday again, and I love you. We will talk soon, ok?”
“Of course, bub. I better go check the pizza in the oven anyway. Love you, too. Make sure you visit soon.”
I swallow again.
“I will. Love you.”
“Love you, too, bub.”
We linger on the phone for a moment, words left hanging and unsaid, but when I feel the sob breaking through, I press the end button as fresh tears stream down my face.
How am I here again in my damn life? I thought the chaos had ended for good, but it seems like misery loves company, and I’m its bitch. I give myself a few precious and selfish moments to grieve the life I could have had, miss the parents I didn’t have, but whom I still love all the same.
There’s a hollowness inside of me, even more so now since hanging up from my mum. My stomach twists and turns, but I talk myself into believing it’s because of the conversation I had with her, when she admitted to me how proud she was of me.
I take in ten deep breaths, pulling them from my diaphragm, urging my tears to cease. On the tenth one, a hiccup breaks through, but no more tears cascade down my face.
I need to get my shit together. I’ve been sitting at this petrol station for the last hour. I’ve been trying to convince myself to drive the rest of the way to Sydney, but I know the further I get away from Barrendridge, the more everything I’m doing is real.
I’m leaving both of them behind.
Pulling onto the road, I remind myself that I am doing the right thing, even if it hurts everyone I love the most. I toy with the choker Damon gave me as I weave in and out of traffic, forcing myself to stay focused and not on the man I love.
It feels as if I’m missing part of my soul, and then when I think of Arrie, it feels as if I’ve lost piece of who I am. I don’t want a life without her in it.
I miss them both so fucking much that it physically hurts.
I keep trying to breathe in and out, keeping my eyes on the road, but when my phone rings beside me, I curse out loud because I forgot to turn the damn thing off when I finished my call with mum.
I try not to look , but I glance down and see Damon’s name.
Blindly, I grasp for it, feel around for the off button, and the silence is immediate.
I wheeze out a shallow breath, one after the other, urging the panic and anxiety away, and after a few tense moments, it dissipates to a dull ache in the centre of my chest .
How the fuck am I going to get over him?
Shaking my head, I remind myself what is at stake. If I had tested my aunt, even though I have dirt on her, I know she still would have lodged a false report, and mine would have been null and void. It’s not something I was willing to risk.
She has always been a vindictive mole, and I’ve seen the lengths she’s gone to get what she wants, so I wasn’t going to play with fire when she held the can of petrol in her hand.
“This is best for everyone.” I say out loud, hating the jitter in my voice, because even I know I’m lying to myself.
This is me protective everyone I love, again.
This is me putting everyone else before me, again.
This is me not loving myself enough, again.
And the little girl caged by my ribs, bangs on my chest loudly, the useless organ beating around her and reminding me that no matter how much I’ve grown, I’m still that little girl inside, the one who desperately wants to be loved and accepted.
But this isn’t a fairytale, and this isn’t my happy ending.
I’m destined to be alone and shrouded by darkness.