12. A Good Man is Hard to Find （Melissa）
Chapter twelve
A Good Man is Hard to Find (Melissa)
N atasha was sweating from unloading all the boxes from my apartment into the U-Haul.
It wasn’t that the guys who came with the U-Haul weren’t helping; they were pulling their weight and being as prompt and courteous as they could.
There was so much stuff that all of us combined were barely able to put it into the three trucks.
Everyone in the neighborhood was jutting their heads out of their windows, trying to see what was happening.
Vanessa had decided that all of my computers and musical equipment were far too precious for anyone to handle them and just stow them in a truck. She had locked herself in one room and was busy unwiring all the consoles and putting things back in their original boxes.
She had just about kissed me when I told her that I never threw away the boxes and the packing. This was like Christmas for her. Lisey, Tony, and Lindsey were all exhausted after putting their fair share of work in, and were sipping margaritas in the empty kitchen.
“This’ll be the last one,” Nat said, handing me the last box. I handed it to the U-Haul guys and watched them put it in the truck. My mind was still elsewhere as I watched the three trucks drive down the street, headed to the manor. “I still don’t get it. Why are you moving again?”
“Because it doesn’t make sense to live here all by myself. It’s wasteful economics. Some renter who needs this apartment more than me can have it,” I said. “Besides, after two weeks, I am ready to go back. Why shouldn’t I? It’s my house.”
“Babe, if that’s what you think is best….”
“I do,” I said quickly, wanting to nip this whole topic in the bud. Nat was about to go on one of her didactic bends, and I did not like that side of her. The Nat that I was friends with was wild, reckless, and always saying yes to every adventure that came her way.
“Nat, cut her some slack. If that’s what she wants, let her do it.
Besides, we need to hear all about how she went from plotting to wreck that bastard’s car to going on a date with him, and on a fucking yacht!
You sold out big time, girl,” Lisey said.
The only time Lisey spoke with such candor was when she was on her third margarita.
Yup. I peeked into the kitchen and found the empty margarita pitcher by her side, her eyes staring hazily into the distance. The other members of the coven called it margarita scrying. It was what Lisey excelled at. Getting drunk and divination.
“Yeah, tell me why!” Tony sang.
“Ain’t nothing but a heartache!” Tony sang in perfect tune.
“Tell me why!” Vanessa droned from the study.
“Ain’t nothing but a mistake!” Nat sang off-key, stepping into the kitchen behind me.
“Tell me why!” Lindsey nearly shrieked. “I never wanna hear you say!”
They were all, except for Vanessa, pointing at me, waiting for me to drive it home, and so I did. Holding my still-filled-to-the-brim margarita glass as a mike, I sang, “I want it that way!”
“I literally lost my virginity to that song,” Vanessa yelled from the other room.
“What’s up with her?” I asked.
“This is like her favorite day ever. Do you see the three margarita jugs here?” Lindsey said.
“No. I just see two.”
“Exactly. Vanessa took one entire jug for herself. I am afraid she is no longer the same woman we once cherished as our friend. She is an alcohol-driven scotch tape-wielding she-beast who is putting your iPads and your iMacs immaculately into their boxes. Let her have her fun. She’s had a tough break of it lately,” Tony said.
“And so I guess no one really wants to hear how my date went!” I said loudly, throwing my hands up in indignation.
“You want us to be the kind of friends who stop you from self-destructing, or do you want us to be the friends who enable you?” Natasha said, still on a didactic bend.
“I want you to be my friend. Tell me what I should do. I dropped so many bombs on you just now and you’re all reacting with such apathy!” I snapped.
“Because we’ve all heard this tale before. Oh, he was so bad, but he was so good. I can change him if I try. I know there’s more to him than meets the eye. Blah-de-fucking-blah!”
Vanessa, now emerging triumphant and drunk from the study, said as she clapped me on the back. “Are we out of margaritas? Fuck!”
“He’s not a bad guy, Nessie,” I said, giving her my glass. One of us had to be sober enough to drive Nat’s minivan to my house. I guess I was on driver's duty.
“Don’t look at how a guy treats his equals.
That’s you right now. A freaking billionaire!
You’re literally on his level. Look at how he treats people beneath him.
When he didn’t know you were Hoffa’s daughter, he ditched you the next day, giving you that whole heartbreaking spiel.
So is he a hypocrite or is he a sociopath?
You decide!” Nat, who had been holding this in for some time now, I could tell, finally let it out.
“Why does he have to be either? And why are we talking about him like he’s…”
“An asshole,” Lisey finished the sentence for me, even though that was not what I was going to say.
“Y’all are being mean,” Tony said.
“Thank you, Tony!” I said, glad that at least someone was on my side.
“Oh, no, sugar, don’t take it the wrong way. That boy’s bad news. But there’s a gentle way to know if he’s a sociopath, a psychopath, a hypocrite, or option D, none of the above.”
“And what’s that?” everyone asked at the same time.
“You tell him that you’re not ready for a relationship just now. You’re still mourning your dad, which you are, and you need some time to yourself. We call that taking it slow. You take it slow, and see what he does.”
I realized that I had conveniently skipped the part about the date where, the next day, after we had woken up together, I did in fact tell him that this was moving a little too fast. I had braced myself in anticipation of what he’d say, but he had been a perfect gentleman about it.
“I completely understand,” he’d said, with his hand resting on my cheek.
We were both naked and sitting in the bed across from each other.
“I want you to know that you can take all the time you need. In fact, if it comes to the fact that you don’t want to be with me, I’ll even understand.
But I will wait for you. For as long as it takes. ”
It had been such a gentle, heartfelt, and earnest moment that I hadn’t wanted to tarnish its memory by sharing it with anyone, not even the coven. I couldn’t blame them for not knowing this vital piece of information.
I knew Ryan better than they did.
“I’ve got something to tell you,” I said slowly, deciding that I’d finally trust them with the last bit of the story. It wasn’t fair to Ryan if I didn’t. I didn’t want my friends to think vindictively of him.
I wasn’t going to unbox anything just yet.
As far as I was concerned, everything that I’d brought over from the apartment was just extra clutter.
All of my old stuff in the house was still pretty functional.
So, I had the U-Haul guys and my friends stack everything in the garage and then locked it up for good measure.
I offered them to stay for dinner. It was takeout from the Indian restaurant a block away, but it felt like there was this invisible barrier between me and the girls now.
They didn’t want to stay. Whatever they said, they said warily and carefully, as if they didn’t want to hurt my feelings.
They didn’t want to sway my already made-up mind about Ryan.
Ugh.
“See you, sissy bear,” Nat said as she kissed me on the cheek. “Don’t make no bad decisions, ‘kay? Think about what I’d do and then do the opposite.”
“You got it, chief,” I said, clicking and pointing my finger guns at her. As much as I loved them, I did not want to be around them for now. They cared and spoke their mind. Even after I told them everything, including how Ryan had been so understanding, their advice had not wavered.
If they could stick to their guns, so could I.
I had decided that I wasn’t going to keep myself away from Ryan. Not after the time we had spent together. Not after he had taken the shattered remains of my heart and fixed them with his warm words, his kind presence, and his gentle love.
It was late on a Sunday, and I did not know where Ryan was. But after that whole afternoon-long talk with Nat, Lisey, Tony, Lindsey, and Vanessa, my mind was made up. I was going to say, yes.
I was going to tell him that he had given me a welcome reprieve from the grief that I had been enveloped in. He had shown me through his actions that even after my father’s passing, I was not alone. I could count on him.
I kept thinking of what else I’d say to make him understand that I wasn’t going to ask for more time.
I needed him right now. With all those thoughts still racing through my brain, I instinctively drove to the office.
A message from Stacy helped me confirm that he was in fact there, sitting alone at the top.
Well, now we could be together, neither of us lonely — both of us still at the top.
It felt ephemeral. All the puzzle pieces were fitting, and finally, after a long, dark time, the silver lining was appearing on the horizon of my bleak life.
I went up the elevator and stepped out on the top floor.
Stacy was not at her station. There was no one there, but I could hear distant chatter coming from Ryan’s office.
As I neared it; the unmistakable scent of booze and smoke, and the cackling laughter, alerted me to the presence of his friends — the same ones that had been there when I had first met him
It brought a bitter taste to my mouth, seeing their silhouettes in the darkened room, with their wild howls, their sneers, and shouts.
It suddenly made me feel very afraid. I stood behind the glass wall, my body hidden behind a giant server rack placed right outside Ryan’s office.
I could call him from here, telling him that I was present.
Before I could bring my phone out of my purse, I heard something.
“Alpha Epsilons don’t back off, not ever, Ryan…” I did not know who this guy was, or what his deal was, but I did not like what he was saying, filling Ryan’s ears with poison.
“You guys said you’d back off,” Ryan said. From the way he was slurring his words, I could tell that he was drunker than he’d ever been with me.
“Nah, bro. Not now. You gotta honor the dare.”
“Fuck the dare,” Ryan said. “You don’t know how things are now.”
“Fuck the dare? How dare you? If you don’t fulfill your end of the bargain, man, you’re not one of us.”
“And do you think I want to be one of you anymore? Look at yourselves…so fucking pathetic!” Ryan was considerably louder now, raw rage resonating in every syllable he uttered.
“Back off, Charlie, mate. He was just being a good sport. You’re being an asshole,” someone else said. All I could see were shadows against the neon backdrop.
“The deal was, I do your dare and you leave me the fuck alone,” Ryan said.
“And we’re telling you that we’re updating the terms and conditions of our departure from your life. We’d like to see if the Dare King of Alpha Epsilon still has what it takes. Besides, given the way you’ve been recently, you think we wanna hang out with you anymore?” a stranger spoke.
“What are you saying, Ronnie? You guys have nothing to hold over me. How are you going to twist my arm?”
“Well, suppose a letter finds its way to…what was her name, Melissa? A letter that sheds light on what you did in the past. Suppose she finds out who you really are. You think she’s going to keep quiet about it?
You think that your budding love story will get a happy ending if she knows what you did, you fuck? ”
I could only see shadows, but I could make out Ryan’s shadow punching the hell out of whoever it was who had just spoken. I could see that the silhouette was holding his mouth, and all the others were gathered around him, standing against Ryan.
“This does it, Ryan,” the man who had just been punched across the face spoke. “You’re dead to us.”
“This may be news to you, but you lot have been dead to me for quite some time. So get the fuck out of here. I don’t want to see your sorry faces again. Ever.”
I was still hidden behind the server rack. I was sure that nobody, not any of the men who stumbled out of his office, saw me as I tucked myself even further behind it. I watched them curse, mutter, and give support to one of their own as they headed to the elevator. It seemed like good riddance. It
left only one thing for me to worry about. What was it that they knew that Ryan did not want me to know? What piece of dark information had they threatened him with that had warranted such a brute response?
I slipped out from behind the server and stepped into his office.
“Melissa,” Ryan gasped, surprised at seeing me there. His knuckles were bloodied, his hair unkempt, with traces of anger still lingering on his face.
“What were they talking about?” I asked.
“How much of it did you hear?”
“I heard enough to make me have second thoughts about why I came here,” I said, tears threateningly stinging behind my eyes. “Are you not the man who I thought you were?”
“I am!” Ryan said loudly, his fist balled up and resting on the tabletop, leaving a bloodied print.
“Then fight for me. Don’t let go of me. Make me stay. Tell me it’s all okay. I have taken a leap of faith. I’m no longer standing on the precipice of the cliff. I am in free fall. And if you cannot be there for me, well, that leaves me shattered, broken, lifeless.”
“Listen, Melissa. Those guys were vermin. It took me this long to see it. I can assure you there’s nothing…”
“You know that’s not the truth!” I yelled. The tears were no longer threatening; they were rolling down my cheeks.
“You want the truth? You want me to make you stay? Fine! I’ll show you, but I cannot make any promises about what happens afterward. Maybe you’ll end up hating me so much that you’ll never speak to me again!”
“That’s for me to decide!” I screamed, wiping away my tears.
“Why are you even here!?” Ryan did not care as he pushed his bloodied fingers through his hair, making it all sticky with blood.
“Because!” I sobbed. “I came here to tell you that I want this. But now, I am not so sure.”