Chapter 30
thirty
. . .
Natalie
The studio for On the Red Carpet is smaller than I expected. Just a soundproof room with two microphones, some recording equipment, and Jess sitting across from me with her notes and a warm smile.
“You ready?” she asks, adjusting her headphones.
“As I’ll ever be.”
“Don’t be nervous. This is going to be great. You’re a natural storyteller.”
“I write stories. I don’t usually tell them about myself.”
“Same skill set.” She glances at her producer through the glass window. He gives her a thumbs up. “Okay, we’re recording in three, two, one…”
The red light blinks on. “Welcome back to On the Red Carpet, the podcast where we pull back the curtain on Hollywood’s biggest stories.
I’m Jess Lexington, and today I have a very special guest. My friend, the incredibly talented screenwriter Natalie Cruz, creator of the upcoming FlixPix series Spellbound is here. Natalie, welcome.”
“Thanks for having me, Jess.”
“So let’s dive right in. Spellbound has been generating a lot of buzz. Can you tell our listeners what the show is about?”
I take a breath, settling into the familiar territory of talking about my work, and explain the premise.
“It sounds incredible. How would you say it’s different than other supernatural shows airing right now?”
“At the heart of the show are hints of generational trauma, a little of what it means to be a woman with power in a world that wants to control you, and how family can be both your greatest strength and your deepest wound.”
“Well, you’ve managed to hit all of the heavy, political, and controversial themes in one go. What made you want to tell this particular story?”
“I’ve always been drawn to stories about women who are told they’re too much—too powerful, too emotional, too ambitious. Magic felt like the perfect metaphor for exploring that.”
Jess nods, making notes. “What’s it been like going from solo writer to writers’ room?”
“Honestly? Terrifying and exhilarating. I’m not the showrunner—that’s Rebecca Sullivan, who’s incredible—but being a producer and having creative input on every episode has been a dream. Our writers’ room is phenomenal. Everyone brings such unique perspectives.”
“Speaking of the writers’ room, production was originally scheduled to start in March but got pushed to July. Can you talk about why?”
Here it comes. This is why I’m interviewing with Jess today. She wanted to acknowledge some of the biases I feared about being pregnant and writing on this show. She feels like anything we can do to help reduce the stigma is imperative.
“Yeah. So, as you can probably see—” I gesture to my very pregnant belly “—I’m having a baby. Due at the end of March. We pushed production so I could take maternity leave.”
“That’s a pretty significant accommodation. How did FlixPix and Rebecca react when you told them?”
I choose my words carefully. “Rebecca was incredibly supportive. She and the network worked with me to create a timeline that works for everyone.”
“But you didn’t tell them right away, did you?”
I should have known Jess wouldn’t let me off that easy. “No, I didn’t. I was about twelve weeks along when I signed my contract, and I didn’t tell anyone until after the new year.”
“Why not?”
“I was scared. This industry has a history of sidelining women who get pregnant. I wanted to prove I could do the work first, that I deserved to be there, before giving them a reason to doubt me.”
“That’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”
“It is. But it’s also the reality for a lot of women in this business. We’re constantly asked to choose between our careers and our personal lives in ways men never are.”
Jess leans forward slightly. “When you did tell Rebecca, how did that conversation go?”
“It was hard. She was understandably frustrated that I’d kept it from her for so long. She said it undermined trust and communication, which are essential in a writers’ room. And she was right.”
“But she also supported you.”
“She did. More than I could have hoped for. She told me something that really stuck with me—that I’m allowed to have both. A career and a family. That I don’t have to choose.”
“That’s remarkably supportive,” Jess says.
“It was. Rebecca’s been an incredible mentor and advocate. I’m really lucky to work with her.”
“Do you think your experience—hiding your pregnancy, being afraid of the consequences—do you think that’s common in Hollywood?”
“Absolutely. I’ve talked to other women writers, actresses, directors who’ve all felt the same pressure.
There’s this unspoken expectation that you have to be one hundred percent available, one hundred percent of the time, or you’re not serious about your career. And pregnancy is seen as a liability.”
“What would you say to women who are facing that same fear?”
“I’d say find people who support you. Build a team that values you as a whole person, not just as a content generator.
And don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself, even when it’s scary.
Because you deserve to have it all if you want it.
” I pause. “I’d also say, if you are a woman, it’s imperative we support each other. ”
“That’s beautiful advice. And in the words of the late, great Madeline Albright, ‘there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.’” Jess laughs. “Okay, let’s talk about the show itself. Spellbound premieres in the fall. What can viewers expect?”
We spend the next twenty minutes diving into the show—the casting process, the tone, what makes it different from other supernatural dramas. By the time Jess wraps up the interview, I’m feeling good. Proud, even.
“That was perfect,” she says as the producer signals we’re done recording. “You’re a natural.”
“That wasn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be.”
“See? I told you.” She takes off her headphones. “Want to grab coffee or tea? We can go off the record.”
“Sure.”
We head to the coffee shop next door and settle into a corner table.
“So,” Jess says, stirring her latte. “How are things with Jake?”
I should have seen this coming. “Things are good.”
“Just good?”
“Really good. Great, actually.”
“Blair says you two are basically living together.”
“We’re not living together. He just stays over a lot.”
“Every night, from what I hear.”
I laugh. “Okay, most nights. But it’s not official or anything.”
“Are you going to move in together? After the baby’s born?”
The question catches me off guard. “I don’t know. We haven’t really talked about it.”
“But you’ve thought about it.”
“Of course I’ve thought about it. But I’m trying not to get ahead of myself. Things are going well right now, and I don’t want to rush into something just because it’s convenient.”
Jess studies me over her coffee. “What are you afraid of?”
“Who says I’m afraid?”
“Nat. Come on.”
I sigh, running my finger along the edge of my cup. Everyone has always told me what a force Jess is, I’m starting to understand what they mean.
“I just want to prioritize the baby right now. Figure out how to be a mom before I worry about being a girlfriend or whatever Jake and I are.”
“You can be both.”
“I know that intellectually. But emotionally? I’m not there yet, and I like where we are. I need to focus on her. Make sure I’m doing this right before I add anything else to the equation.”
“And Jake’s okay with that?”
“He seems to be. He’s been incredibly patient.”
“He’s in love with you, you know.”
The words land like a physical blow. My heart stutters, then kicks into overdrive. Heat floods my face, crawls down my neck.
“He hasn’t said that.”
But even as I say it, I know it’s true. I’ve known for weeks, maybe longer. The way he looks at me. The way he shows up every single day without asking for anything in return. The nursery he built. The groceries he sends. The way he holds me at night like I’m something precious.
“He doesn’t have to. It’s obvious to everyone who sees you two together.”
“Jess—”
“I’m not trying to pressure you. I’m just saying, when a guy shows up the way Jake shows up for you? That’s love. And maybe it’s worth letting yourself feel it back.”
I want to. God, I want to so badly it scares me.
I want to let myself fall completely, to trust that he’ll catch me.
But what if I’m wrong? What if this is just him being a good guy, doing the right thing because I’m carrying his baby?
What if I let myself believe this is real and it all falls apart?
“I’m not ready.”
The words taste like a lie. Or maybe like fear dressed up as truth.
Jess reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I just want you to be happy. And from where I’m sitting, it looks like Jake makes you happy.”
“He does.”
“Ok then, tell me about baby names. Have you guys decided yet?”
We spend the next hour on lighter topics like name options, nursery colors, and the terrifying reality of labor and delivery. By the time we part ways, I’m feeling lighter.
But Jess’s words stick with me.
He’s in love with you.
And somewhere deep down, underneath all the fear and doubt and self-protection, I know the truth.
I’m in love with him too.