24. Ben
24
Ben
W ithout much persuasion, I convince Carlisle to spend the next few days at my house with me. The relief and excitement I feel is akin to nothing I’ve felt before.
I watch Carlisle in the mirror of the bathroom as we get ready for bed together. After I finish brushing my teeth, I slip my toothbrush back in its holder while she combs her long hair into something she called a top knot. It's like a bun thingy on the top of her head that looks really cute on her. But I think most anything looks cute on Carlisle.
Opening one of the lower cabinets, I pull out a big container of bright green aloe vera that my mom gave me years ago. “Want me to rub some aloe on your shoulders?”
Nibbling her lip, she nods her assent.
There’s an air of awkwardness that exists between us now where it never has before. I hate that I put it there and that I made her doubt me. But it’s my own damn fault, so I’ll do my time in the penalty box in hopes that she’ll let me back into her heart.
Tonight, she’s wearing a spaghetti strap tank with matching pajama pants to bed in lieu of her usual t-shirt. Carefully, I slip a strap off her shoulder and gently rub the cool gel onto her warm skin. It’s sticky but dries quickly. I replace the strap and move to her other shoulder. Since she shut me down earlier when we were kissing, I’m grateful for any excuse to touch her.
“How’s the rest of your back? As bad as your shoulders?” I ask, as I lift the bottom of her tank. Nope, worse . Her back looks as red as a cooked lobster. “Let’s go to the bedroom, babe. Why don’t you lie face down on the bed and take off your shirt. I can apply the aloe and then turn on the fan. That should cool your skin.”
As she turns to leave, I gently grab her wrist. I have to say it again. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she shrugs when she meets my gaze. “My skin heals quickly. My sunburns usually only last a day or two before turning into a tan, and the aloe will help speed the healing process too.”
“I wasn’t talking about your sunburn, babe.”
“I know that too.”
“Okay.” I toss her a towel. “Lay down on that so we don’t get aloe on the bedding.”
I give her a minute to get situated on the bed before following behind her.
I stutter-step when I see her lying on the bed waiting for me. She’s facedown, wearing only a pair of lacy thongs. “Shit,” I mutter. It’d be fucking sexy if it weren’t for the crimson hue of her skin.
“Yeah, zero out of ten. Do not recommend day drinking and passing out at the pool,” Carlisle jokes dryly.
“It looks so painful, babe.”
Her voice turns soft and thoughtful. “Honestly, I was so torn up about losing you that my sunburn hasn’t really bothered me.”
I flinch at her words and guilt takes residence in my chest again. “I’m so sorry, Carlisle."
She props herself up on her elbows. I sit down next to her on the bed. “I am too. I should have gotten in contact with you as soon as possible. I shouldn’t have let my fears fester. If I would have just charged my phone and spoken to you on Friday, then all this could have been avoided.”
“No.” I shake my head solemnly. “None of this is your fault. This was entirely my fault, Carlisle.”
Gently, I place a chaste kiss on her lips before straddling my knees on either side of her hips, keeping my body elevated above hers so my weight doesn’t aggravate her sunburn. I apply a thick coating of aloe on her back and arms and then down her legs.
As my hands methodically massage Carlisle’s body, I fantasize about what I could be doing to her if I hadn’t screwed things up between us. How I could slip her panties to the side and pump my fingers into her, circling her g-spot until she is writhing with pleasure. How I could then part her lips and kiss her clit, flicking it with my tongue until she cried out my name and suffocated me with her thighs. How I could lift her hips and slide my cock into her warmth, bottoming out over and over again until we both came.
Instead, I roll off the bed and turn on the fan.
The next morning over coffee, I cautiously raise the topic of my upcoming schedule. I promised Carlisle I’d be upfront with her, and I plan on keeping my word, although she won’t like hearing what I have to say.
“Next week is the Captain Commander premiere here in LA, and then the following day, I leave for the promotional tour abroad. It’s a tight timeline of events—interviews, red carpets, screenings, and press junkets in London—then we fly to Paris and do it all over. Then onto Berlin, Tokyo, and Seoul. We’re only in each city for a couple of days before we pick up and move the party to the next country.”
The two-week publicity tour will be jam-packed, with very little downtime. While I’d love for Carlisle to accompany me on the promotional tours, the studio would never allow it. They can’t risk anyone finding out about her. Studio 67 needs to protect my PR relationship with Willa to increase positive publicity for the movie. And increase their profit margins.
I gauge her reaction as I explain what the Captain Commander promo tour entails , and most importantly, that the studio has more dates planned for Willa and me. I lean across the patio table and engulf Carlisle’s hands in mine. “Willa and I are supposed to go on another date tonight.”
Carlisle instantly withdraws her hands from mine.
“Talk to me. How are you feeling?”
She pulls in a shaky inhalation and remains quiet for a few moments. Lifting her wide eyes to meet mine, she replies hesitantly, “I’m scared. I’m jealous. I’m… uncomfortable with it all. I don’t want to think about you kissing another woman, much less having those kisses splashed across the cover of every tabloid.”
I hate that I’m causing her pain. “It sucks and I wish I didn’t have to do it.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Willa is one of my friends, so when we’re on our dates, we’re talking like we would if you were there with us. In fact, on Friday night, we spent most of dinner talking about you.”
She tilts her head. “You did?”
“Yeah. I told her all about you.” I smile a little. “She read me the riot act for not telling you about the showmance ahead of time. ”
“Because you should have.” Carlisle returns my smile, beginning to look more at ease.
“Agreed.” Blowing out a breath, I continue, “When it comes time for us to act like a couple, it’s just that—acting. We treat it as an extension of our job duties.”
Carlisle nods slowly as she absorbs my words. “It’s just going to take time for me to get used to the situation.”
“I’ll do everything in my power to make it as easy on you as I can. I want you to talk to me and tell me how you’re feeling. If you don’t tell me when you’re upset or worried, I won’t be able to reassure you. I know I fucked up and I’m trying to make amends. But this can only work between us if we’re both honest and open to being vulnerable with one another.”
A crease settles between her brows. “I’ll try, Ben.”
Moving from my chair, I circle the table and kneel beside Carlisle’s chair. With my thumb, I lightly rub the furrow before clasping her face in my hands. “That’s all I ask, babe. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.” When my eyes lock upon hers, I hope she reads my sincerity in them. “But I will never cheat on you, Carlisle. I will never give you room to doubt me again. Everything that happens between Willa and me is part of my job and not based on real feelings.”
She shuts me up with her mouth. Her lips move against mine and it sends flutters to my heart and tingles down my spine. When she opens her mouth and swipes her tongue against mine it’s like pouring kerosene on an already burning fire. She doesn’t just kiss me, she consumes me.
When we break apart, her stare tells me that she wants to believe me. She wants to trust me.
But that she still harbors reservations.
As our second dinner date winds down, Willa convinces me to bring her home to meet Carlisle. Willa thinks it will put Carlisle’s mind at ease, but as I’m driving us back to my house, I’m second-guessing the plan. I hope Carlisle isn’t too caught off-guard by this spontaneous introduction.
Because if she is, she might murder me in my sleep tonight. Carlisle knows a lot about true crime, so I’m confident that she could do it and get away with it.
Realizing I’m nervous, Willa reaches across the car console and grabs my hand, giving it a squeeze. “It’s for the best, I swear.”
“God, I hope you’re right, Pipsqueak.”
“I am,” she replies, her voice filled with merriment.
“You’re getting a little too much joy from my discomfort.”
“Calm down, Benji,” she teases me and gently caresses my cheek.
I’ve noticed that her casual touching has increased as we’ve gone public with our fake relationship, and I’m not sure what to make of it. Especially since she's still touching me and we're alone.
Walking into my house through the garage, I toss my keys on the kitchen counter and yell, “I’m back!”
“In here,” Carlisle calls from the living room.
She’s curled up on the couch under a blanket eating popcorn and watching a new episode of Dateline . I'm not surprised. When I asked her earlier who her celebrity crush was, fully expecting she'd say me, Carlisle told me it was Keith Morrison.
Yep, she could totally murder me and get away with it .
Carlisle looks cozy and comfortable… until she sees who has accompanied me home. The look of shock on her face is pretty much what I expected. I drop a kiss on her forehead as I settle onto the couch next to her, grabbing a handful of popcorn for myself.
“Carlisle, this is Willa. She wanted to meet you.”
“Um, hi. Pleased to meet you,” Carlisle stammers politely to Willa before turning to shoot laser beams out her eyes at me.
Willa leans down to give a very startled Carlisle a brief hug before sitting down on the other side of her and grabbing her hand. Watching Willa interact with Carlisle, I chastise myself for my earlier thoughts. Willa touches everybody, not me specifically. She’s a touchy-feely person.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Carlisle! I hope it’s okay that I came over.”
“It’s all good,” Carlisle says, her voice saccharine.
I’m totally going to pay for this later. I just don’t know if my punishment will be in the form of a strongly worded lecture or arsenic in my oatmeal.
Laughing, Willa says, “No, I’m sure it totally sucks to be ambushed like this, but I thought it might put your mind at ease if you met me. Benji is one of my best friends in LA, and since you’re obviously important to him, I hope that we can be friends too.”
I can see Carlisle softening to Willa’s charm, as I hoped she would. Sliding my arm around Carlisle’s shoulder, she relaxes and shoots me a small grin.
“I’d like that too, Willa. Thank you for coming over.” With her elbow, Carlisle nudges me hard in the ribs. “Though a little heads up would have been nice.”
After apologizing, I ask, “Wine, anyone?" A little alcohol will help grease the wheels and get rid of the discomfort we're experiencing .
When they both nod, I leave them alone to talk while I grab a bottle of pinot noir from the kitchen. Uncorking it, I let it breathe for a minute before pouring it into three glasses and returning to the living room. Though I shouldn’t, I surveil them from the doorway.
“Benji told me how you guys met, and I have to say, it’s by far the most unique meet cute that I’ve heard. Though I guess it’s technically more of a speak cute,” Willa kids. “I’ve always known that he was a smooth operator, but I’m impressed that he managed to hook you from a wrong number.”
“He almost didn’t. My roommate and I were convinced that he was either married, in jail, or a serial killer.” Then her smile fades, as Carlisle nervously plucks at the woven blanket in her lap. “Are you dating anyone?”
Wrinkling her nose, Willa replies, “Not anymore. I was dating a professional baseball player last year, but we broke up. It’s hard to date long distance, you know?” Willa scrunches her nose and shrugs.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Breakups are hard,” Carlisle commiserates.
“They suck.” Willa shucks off her heeled boots so that she can sit cross-legged on the couch facing Carlisle. “I’ve sworn off men for a bit, so I was actually excited when our management team suggested the arranged dalliance.” Seeing Carlisle’s questioning gaze, Willa explains her comment further. “Having a fake boyfriend should keep other guys away from me, so that I can take the time I need to be by myself.” She pulls one of the couch’s throw pillows onto her lap. “Wasn’t it Emma Watson who said she was dating herself? That’s what I think I need to do too.”
Carlisle nods. “That makes sense.”
No, it doesn’t. That literally makes no sense. How do you date yourself?
Cocking her head to one side, Willa looks thoughtful. “Though it does make me wonder why Benji agreed to it since you guys are dating?” she mumbles, almost to herself.
Fuck, it’s definitely going to be arsenic in my oatmeal now.
I need to get in there and explain before Carlisle gets any bad ideas planted into her head, but before I can reach the living room, I hear Willa continue, “Actually, no, I don’t. Benji is a consummate professional. He’s able to compartmentalize his personal and professional lives easier than I am.” Willa waves her hands in the air. “Please forgive me for speaking before I thought it through.” She reaches over and clasps her hand over Carlisle’s. “He obviously really likes you. You’re all he could talk about at dinner tonight.”
But I can see that Willa’s earlier words have affected Carlisle. Worry is etched upon her face.
Carrying the tray, I stride into the room, ready to reassure Carlisle. Looking up, Willa notices me. “There you are! It’s about time. I was beginning to wonder if you’d gone to Italy to get our wine.”
“Nope. Just to Oregon’s Willamette Valley." I hand them their wine glasses and sit on the couch next to Carlisle, looping my arm around her shoulder. She nestles into my side, and I drop a kiss on her cheek before rubbing my nose along her jawline. I thread a finger around her chin and kiss her quickly on the mouth, barely able to suppress a groan when her lips hit mine.
“That seems like my sign to head out.” Willa sets her undrunk wine onto the coffee table and stands to leave. “I have an early audition tomorrow, so I’ll leave you kids to it. It was nice to meet you, Carlisle, and I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Wait, Willa. Stay. Drink your wine.” I hadn’t intended for my display of affection to run Willa off. “I have an idea I’d like to run by you both.” Curious, Willa settles back onto the couch. “Willa, why don’t you sleep in one of my guest rooms tonight? We can ask Becky to have a paparazzo outside my house tomorrow morning when you leave. Once the photos get published, everyone will assume we’re sleeping together. That should provide more than enough fodder for the press to satisfy the studio.”
“Benji! That is a great idea.” Willa’s face lights up excitedly as she turns her attention to Carlisle. “Up to this point, the studio has been orchestrating each date, but what if the three of us do it instead? That might make you feel like you have some degree of control over the situation, Carlisle.”
Nodding, Carlisle agrees. “It would make me feel better knowing what to expect.”
Willa rubs her hands together eagerly. “Let’s get started,” she says, pulling out her phone to look at her schedule. “We’re supposed to have dinner at Horses in two days.” She shoots me a glance. “Thoughts?”
“Cancel it.” Scrolling through my schedule, I spy a meeting that the Captain Commander main cast has to attend later in the week. “What if we meet before our meeting on Wednesday? Something quick and casual, like a coffee date.” I shift my gaze from Willa to Carlisle to see if that idea meets with her approval. I’m rewarded with a shy nod.
“Works for me.” Willa turns off her phone and places it onto the coffee table. “I think that’s enough. We had dinner on Friday, dinner tonight, we’ll get photographs of me leaving your house tomorrow morning, and then a coffee date. Plus, we have the premiere next weekend. Too much, too soon, and it will look fake.”
Once that’s settled, the talk turns away from work. I lead the conversation, helping Willa and Carlisle to get better acquainted, and I put in every effort to make Carlisle as comfortable as she can be. My gaze rarely strays from hers and I touch her often. About an hour and a bottle of wine later, Willa yawns and stretches. “I’m heading to bed now. I really do have an early meeting tomorrow.” She stands from the couch and leans down to give Carlisle a hug before briefly kissing my cheek. “I’ll see myself out in the morning, and I’ll call Becky now to update her on our plans. Goodnight.”
Shifting in my seat, I lean against the arm of the sectional and pull Carlisle’s back into my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her close. “You doing okay with all of this?” I inquire.
“I feel better after having met Willa.” She reaches up, wrapping her small hands around my forearm. “How are you?”
“Willa and I can handle it fine. We’ve been friends for long enough that it’s no big deal for me to go to dinner and walk the red carpet with her. I worry about you though.”
Carlisle turns her head to look over her shoulder at me. “I can handle it too.”
“I know you can. You’re resilient. But I hate that you have to handle it.” I lace my fingers with hers and bring her knuckles to my mouth. “I really like you, Carlisle.”
She shoots me a wide smile.
Knowing my words brought out her dimples is like an arrow straight to my heart. My feelings for Carlisle run deep, probably deeper than I’m willing to admit, even to myself.