Chapter 19 #2
Is now a good time to tell you, I had to touch myself today? I did think of you and how I rode you in the car. It was hot. But my vibrator isn’t as big as you, doesn’t fill me up the way you do.
Derek
Tell me what you thought about.
I smirked to myself in the darkness, and tiptoeing out of the room, I sent him a voice message.
“I imagined us in your car, all naked. You made me hold onto the grab handles, and I lay there like an all-you-can-eat buffet for you. You kissed every part of me with a lot of care, especially my nipples that were all perky and hard. I moaned so loud that you had to stuff my panties in my mouth as you were scared someone would hear us. After you moved to feast on my clit and you fucked me with your tongue until I screamed your name. Since the panties have fallen out, you stuffed my mouth with your cock and made me suck on it as deep as I could, before you fisted my hair and fucked my mouth the way you’ve been wanting for a very long time. ”
I hit send with a wicked grin and went back to my room, giving him some time to finish himself.
Derek
Fuck, Thorn. I don’t deserve you. I want to do all those things and more to you.
Yes, you do. Now try to sleep. You need to be rested for tomorrow.
Derek
One more thing.
What?
Derek
I love you. No matter what happens tomorrow, that doesn't change.
I love you too. Always.
I finally fell asleep around two, my phone clutched to my chest.
Game day arrived with perfect weather, including clear skies and mild temperatures, the kind of day that felt made for soccer. But the atmosphere on the team bus was tense.
I rode with the other girlfriends in Ivy's car, dressed in Derek's number seven jersey despite Daisy's worried looks.
"Are you sure about this?" she asked as we got closer to Westpoint's field. "Aaron's going to see."
"I know. But Derek needs to know I'm here for him." I pulled the jersey tighter around me. "I'm done hiding."
Nova, sitting in the front passenger seat, turned to give me an approving nod. "Good for you."
The stadium was packed; this was the game everyone had been waiting for. Hillview versus Westpoint. The teams that had brawled last year. The field where Derek's career had nearly ended.
I spotted Aaron immediately when we took our seats. He was in full focus, rallying with the team and going through warm-ups with intense concentration. Until he saw me and the jersey I was wearing, and his expression hardened.
But he didn't look away. And neither did I.
"This is going to be intense," Ivy murmured beside me.
She had no idea.
The game started strong. Westpoint came out aggressive, just like everyone expected. But our defense held firm, and within the first twenty minutes, Max had scored off a beautiful assist from Maddox.
Derek was playing well, strong, fast, and focused. Every time he touched the ball, the crowd held its breath. Every time he scored, they erupted.
But I could see the tension in his body. The way he flinched slightly when defenders got too close. The phantom pain he was fighting through.
In the second half, with the score tied 2-2, everything fell apart.
A Westpoint defender, not the one who'd injured Derek, but cut from the same cloth, came in with a late tackle. Derek went down hard, and the crowd gasped.
He didn't get up right away.
My heart stopped. I was on my feet before I realized I'd moved, straining to see if he was okay.
On the field, Aaron was the first one there. Despite everything between them, he knelt beside Derek, his face creased with concern.
Derek waved him off, getting slowly to his feet. He was limping, favoring his left leg, but he stayed in the game.
"He needs to come off," I said to no one in particular.
But Derek shook his head at the sidelines, refusing to be substituted.
The final twenty minutes were brutal. Every tackle felt personal. Every foul felt deliberate. The referee was losing control of the game.
With five minutes left, tied 3-3, Derek got the ball in open space. He had a clear shot on goal.
Time seemed to slow. I watched him line up, saw him calculate the angle, saw him pull his leg back to shoot.
And then I saw the defender coming in from behind.
"NO!" The scream left my throat before I could stop it.
But Derek had seen him too. At the last second, he pivoted, passing to Maddox instead of taking the shot himself.
Maddox scored.
4-3 to Hillview.
The crowd went insane. Our section erupted. Ivy was crying, Nova was screaming, and Daisy was hugging me so hard I could barely breathe.
But I only had eyes for Derek.
He was walking off the field, his head down, his shoulders slumped despite the win. He looked defeated even in victory.
Because he'd passed instead of shooting. He'd let his fear win.
The final whistle blew. We'd won, but Derek looked like he'd lost everything.
I pushed through the crowd, ignoring the chaos, ignoring everything but the need to get to him.
He was sitting on the bench when I found him, still in his gear, staring at the ground.
"Derek."
He looked up, and the devastation in his eyes broke me.
"I couldn't do it," he said quietly. "I had the perfect shot, and I couldn't take it."
"But you made the right play. You passed to Maddox. We won."
"I was scared." His voice cracked. "At that moment, all I could think about was what happened last year. And I was so fucking scared that I passed instead of shooting."
"That doesn't make you weak. That makes you smart."
"It makes me a coward." He stood abruptly. "I need to get out of here."
"Derek, wait..."
But he was already walking away, heading for the locker rooms.
I turned to follow and nearly collided with Aaron.
We stared at each other for a long moment.
"You came," he said finally.
"Of course I came. He needed me."
"He needed you." Aaron's voice was bitter. "Not his teammates. Not his best friends. You."
"Aaron, please..."
"You're wearing his jersey." It wasn't a question. "Again. Like you did all season."
"Yes. Because I love him. Because I'm proud of him. Because I'm not ashamed of what we have."
Aaron's jaw worked. "You know what I saw out there? I saw my best friend almost get seriously injured again. I saw him freeze at a crucial moment. I saw him struggle." His eyes met mine. "And all I could think about was that you're part of the reason he's been so distracted. So unable to focus."
"That's not fair..."
"Isn't it?" Aaron stepped closer. "He's been different since you two got together. More anxious. More in his head. And tonight proved it."
"Tonight proved that he's human. That he's still dealing with trauma from what happened. That has nothing to do with me."
"Doesn't it?" Aaron challenged. "Because from where I'm standing, my best friend is falling apart, and the girl he's in love with is part of the problem."
The words hit like a physical blow. "You don't mean that."
"Don't I?" But Aaron's voice wavered, and I saw the conflict in his eyes. He was angry, but he was also scared. Scared for Derek. Scared of losing us both.
"Aaron, I love him." My voice broke. "I love him the way Max loves Ivy. The way Liam loves Brooklyn. This is real. And yes, the timing sucks, and yes, we should have told you sooner, but that doesn't change how we feel."
"It changes everything," Aaron said quietly. "Because now I have to watch my best friend struggle and know that my sister is part of why."
"I'm not..."
"Rosie." Max appeared, slightly out of breath. Worry and sadness painted his face. "Dex’s having a panic attack in the locker room. We need you."
I didn't hesitate. I pushed past Aaron and ran.
I found Derek in a corner, hyperventilating, his eyes wild with fear. Maddox was with him, trying to talk him down, but it wasn't working.
"Derek." I dropped to my knees in front of him, taking his hands. "Look at me. Just look at me."
His eyes found mine, desperate and lost.
"Breathe with me," I said calmly, even though my heart was racing. "In for four. One, two, three, four. Hold for four. One, two, three, four. Out for four. One, two, three, four."
We breathed together, just like we'd practiced dozens of times. Slowly, gradually, his breathing evened out. The panic receded.
"That's it," I murmured. "You're okay. You're safe. I've got you."
When he could speak again, his first words were: "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For not being strong enough. For freezing. For letting everyone down."
"You didn't let anyone down. You made a smart play. You helped us win."
"But I couldn't take the shot." His voice was anguished. "When it mattered most, I couldn't do it."
"So we work on it. We keep practicing. We keep pushing." I squeezed his hands. "Derek, recovery isn't linear. You're going to have good days and bad days. That doesn't make you weak."
He pulled me into his arms, holding on like I was the only thing keeping him anchored.
Behind us, I heard footsteps. Aaron, standing in the doorway, watching us.
Our eyes met over Derek's shoulder. And for the first time since Halloween, I saw something other than anger in his expression.
I saw understanding. And maybe, just maybe, the beginning of forgiveness.