26. Calvin
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
calvin
Saturday turned into Sunday far too fast.
I don’t want to go home and face my parents and brother, but I know I have to. I can’t put it off any longer.
Going back to school after Friday’s game is going to be hard enough without putting this off.
The truth is I’m ready.
I didn’t think I’d ever get to this point, but I’m ready. I don’t want to lie and hide who I am anymore. I’m going to lose my family. I know that. But maybe the truth is I never really had them.
Because they never really cared about me or who I actually am. They just wanted someone to carry on the family name and didn’t care about anything else. They forced me into a box I was all too willing to climb inside.
Until Jonah.
Until he showed me I can be more. That I can dream and hope for so much more.
I won’t lie and say I’m not scared, but I have something else now. I have someone to lean on when I need it, and I’m sure as hell going to be someone he can lean on right back—even if he’s the strongest person I’ve ever known.
Even the strong need to rest sometimes.
“Do you want me to go with you?” Jonah asks, his hands on both sides of my face as he leans his forehead against mine.
“No. I need to do this by myself.” I hope I sound more sure to him than I sound to myself.
I can feel Jenna and Micah lingering nearby, watching us with worry, like parents should do.
Jonah and I have a lot in common, I realize. Both of our parents let us down and failed us hard, but he has them. Micah and Jenna.
And now, somehow, he gifted them to me too. Because I can feel how much they care. How much they worry.
“It’ll be okay,” I say, pressing a quick kiss to his lips and stepping back out of his hold because if he’s touching me, I won’t leave. I turn to Micah and Jenna. “I’ll be okay.”
Their faces look grim, and Coach takes a deep breath, the air filling his chest and making it puff out just before he releases the air slowly. “No matter what happens, you have a place you can go. You will always have a place to go.”
“Always,” Jenna adds in, and I smile sadly at her.
“Promise me.” Jonah’s pleading voice gets my attention. “Promise me, if they kick you out or if they hurt you . . .”—he shudders like the thought is impossible for him—“that you’ll come back here. That you won’t do this alone because you’re not on your own.”
I swallow hard, not knowing if I can actually promise that. A year ago, it never would have even crossed my mind to tell my parents the truth about me. Not ever. I thought I’d take this to my grave at one point. But now . . . now that I know Jonah and his family . . . I don’t feel so alone.
“Promise me,” he says again, walking closer to me.
I take his face in mine this time and hold his gaze as I nod. “I promise.”
He looks only somewhat relieved as he leans into my ear. “I love you,” he whispers, stunning me stupid with his words, but he pulls back and gives me a quick kiss, not giving me a chance to respond. “Go before I refuse to let you.”
I’m still stunned. I don’t know why. It makes sense. He’s shown me he loves me, but it’s almost too much for me to handle. I give one quick wave and then make the drive to my house.
The house that never really felt like mine. The house with so many conditions and rules. It was never really mine.
I go inside and see my grandfather, father, and brother sitting on the couch, staring at some game playing on television. All three sets of eyes lock on me with unhidden fury.
“Where the hell were you?” my grandfather asks me.
They want me to beg and plead. To say it’s all a lie. Would they it go if I did that? Maybe. I’m convinced they’ve been living in denial for quite some time now. Happy to ignore the fact that I’ve been slowly dying inside for years.
“Where’s Mom?” I ask, not bothering to take off my coat. I don’t really think there’s a need to do that.
“She’s at church, praying for her deviant son,” my dad grits out.
I nod my head slowly because of course she is. All I’ve ever been to them is a problem. Something to fix.
“Where. The. Hell. Were. You?” my brother stands up as he asks, approaching me.
Maybe I’m tired of all of this, trying to get them to love me for who I am. Tired of doing what they say. Maybe it’s Jonah’s unyielding love for me. I don’t really know, but I square my shoulders and look my brother right in the eyes when I say, “At my boyfriend’s house.”
I don’t have time to react before his meaty fist connects with my cheek, making it feel like my face just exploded. “Don’t you ever say that shit again in this house!”
My father and grandfather just sit there, useless as always.
I don’t say anything as raise my fist and punch Curtis right in the nose. Hard. Hearing the satisfying crack and seeing the blood pour down. I’ve wanted to do that for so long.
Now my father jumps up, getting in-between us with his arms stretched out. But he’s only looking at me. “You get the hell out of my house. Don’t come back. You’re no longer a Duke.”
“Fine by me,” I spit, “I never wanted to be one anyway.”
I pull open the door and leave. There’s no point in trying to fix it. I don’t want that life. I never did.
I get into my truck and start it up, thinking about the promise I made Jonah before I left and gingerly touching my swollen cheek, seeing that there’s blood but not a lot.
I will go to him, but I need a minute. I have nothing with me, except the bag I packed last night and my truck. I have a bank account with a sizeable amount in it from the summers I’ve worked at Duke Drilling, but it feels tainted.
I know no one else has access to it. It’s solely mine and mine alone. I’m not stupid, I need that money, and I’ll likely use it, but for right now, I ignore it.
I can’t exactly borrow Jonah’s clothes—no way they’d fit me. And no way in hell am I going to go back into that house. I’m done. I’m sure they’d be all too happy to act like I never existed, and honestly . . . fine by me.
They didn’t deserve me.
I drive around for a long time, out to the lake before going back into town and parking in front of Jonah’s. I haven’t checked my phone. I’m sure he’s sent some messages.
I hate that I know I’ve worried him, but I needed the time to let it sink in. I don’t have my parents or grandfather or brother anymore.
But I really am oddly okay with it. Because I have family still. It just so happens that they aren’t blood-related.
I finally go to the front door, and I’m not at all surprised when it tears open and Jonah is standing there, wrapping his arms around me before I can even ring the doorbell. He pulls back, holding onto my shoulder and looks at my cheek. “Those motherfuckers.”
“Ummm . . . . . Uncle Jonah said a bad word!” Ruby says.
“It’s valid,” Jenna says, coming over and gently sweeping her hand over my cheek. I hiss at the contact, even though I try to hide it, and she pulls back. “We should call the cops.”
I shake my head immediately. “No.”
“Calvin . . .” Coach starts.
“No,” I say firmly because that would just mean more time with them, dealing with them. “I’m done,” I say definitively. “I’m done with them.”
Jonah wraps his arms around my neck, being careful with my face. “Okay,” he says softly.
“You can stay here for as long as you want,” Jenna says. “We can turn the office into your room.”
“No, that’s okay,” I say because no way am I turning their world upside down. “It’s just temporary. I have enough money to can rent some place.”
Jonah closes the door and walks me into the living room, pulling me next to him on the couch. “You should save your money for college,” he says with a sneaky little smile.
I grin at him. “I’m not sure college is an option.”
“Why not?” Micah asks as he takes a seat in one the large chairs near the couch. Jenna sits on his lap, looking over at me.
“It could be. You could go to school with Jonah.”
The truth is I never really let myself think about college, so I’m not even sure that’s what I want. The with Jonah part though . . . I do like the sound of that.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now,” Coach says. “It’s been kind of a big day.”
“Yeah,” I say in agreement.
“I’m happy you’re here,” Jonah says quietly from beside me. “Not happy that your family sucks but happy you’re here.”
I look over at him and smile. “Me too.”
And it’s the truth.