27. Killian #2
“What has he been saying before this happened?” I ask.
“Stupid, cryptic things. I’ve been ignoring him, and I guess that infuriated him enough to stalk me to my goddamn dorm room and trash my laptop.” Maddox laughs bitterly. “Just like back in high school. Love this for me. ”
Even if he’s apologized, I can’t help but ask, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Fury flashes across Maddox’s face. “Why didn’t you tell me you told people to stay away from him? That you said you’d beat him to a pulp if you saw him again?”
Shit.
He grasps my wrists, pulling my hands away from him. He doesn’t stop until I’ve completely let go of him, and I drop my arms to my side.
“What were you thinking?” His voice rises as his eyes water up. “I told you to stay out of it. Why did you stir the pot? Apparently, because of it, people want to find out about why you’d do that. He’s petrified they’ll dig up what happened back in high school.”
“I’ll take care of him,” I mutter.
His jaw clenches. “No. No! I told you not to do anything.”
“Maddox, please.” I groan loudly and close my eyes. “Of course I’d stick up for you.”
“Now see how it escalated?”
My head throbs and the pain in my chest intensifies. Maddox stares at me, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession. I’ve never seen him this furious before.
And he’s furious at me.
“Do you think this is my fault?” My voice comes out a lot weaker than I want it to.
Maddox sucks in a breath. His eyes widen and he stands up straighter, giving me a desperate look.
“No,” he finally says. “Of course not, Killian. This is all on me. I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I’m upset because this happened again, but it’s my fault it ever got this far. I—”
“Baby.” I grab his arm and pull him to me, but he only shakes me off. I’m able to glimpse his face, though. He’s blinking rapidly and biting his cheeks, his lips pressed tightly together. “No. I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry.”
He glares at me. “For what? I just said this is all my fault. ”
“No, I—”
“Killian, relax.” His voice is on the verge of cracking. How the fuck am I supposed to relax?
I murmur, “What can I do to fix this?”
Maddox gnashes his teeth together so hard that I’m scared they’ll crack. “Literally nothing. You can’t expect to fix everything for me. You get that, right? That’s how we got here in the first place.”
Awesome. He’s lashing out, and that’s how I know he’s truly breaking apart.
I take a deep breath, refusing to take the bait.
“Okay. Let’s take a breather, then… then let’s figure this out, okay?
I have some money put aside and we can get you a new laptop.
Then maybe we can talk to the school admin, or look into restraining orders, or pressing charges, and—”
His laugh cuts me off. “What, so that Viktor gets more unhinged and reports me to the admin for dating a student in my class? Because that’s what he said he’d do!
I’d lose my job, and who knows if the school would ever hire me as a professor if this is on my permanent record.
Getting my PhD and teaching here is all I’ve ever wanted. ”
“Is that what you’re worried about? I mean, I get why you are, but your safety’s the main concern.”
“It’s not only that! You could get accused of cheating, too, Killian. This is your last semester and you’re supposed to be graduating. Can’t you see the repercussions if the school admin found out?”
“Okay. Okay… I get it. Let’s make a better plan, then.”
His expression pinches. “No. You need to go.”
“What…?”
“I… listen, Killian.” He averts his eyes and shifts between his feet.
His voice isn’t as angry anymore, and he’s speaking softer, but I’m not sure that’s a good thing.
I can practically feel him drifting away.
“We should lie low for a bit, at least until all this is sorted out. At least let me talk to Wheeler first before Ulrich is able to beat me to it. I really, really can’t risk my future—and I can’t ask you to risk yours, too. ”
Wait… no. This is happening too fast .
“Maddox,” I say, as carefully as I can. “You can’t push me away when things are difficult.”
He lets out a soft sigh and runs a hand down his face. “I’m not pushing you away, but we need to lie low, and… we both need to clear our heads.”
He is pushing me away, though. This is what he does. I’ve seen it enough times now to know—Maddox, when cornered, retreats into himself. He did it to Caleb back in high school, he did it the first time we ran into Ulrich in the café, and he did it back at the party.
I thought we were over this. A delusional part of me actually thought I had finally gotten through to him and let him trust me enough to know that he’s allowed to show me the side of himself he can’t show anyone else.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbles.
“It’s cool.” My voice comes out leveled. Patient. At least I hope it does. “I’ll go, then.”
For a beat, Maddox is silent. His eyebrows crinkle when he says, “Thank you.”
As I’m walking away, I’m wishing— pleading— that Maddox will step up and call me back. That he won’t let me leave like this.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t stop me.
***
I’m still pissed when I get back to my dorm. Not even sure what I’m pissed about at this point. Maddox, for pushing me away? Myself, for letting him?
It’s not until I’m about to get into bed that my phone lights up with a text. I almost ignore it, but instinct tells me to check it out.
And my instincts are right.
Maddox: To be absolutely clear, I’m not breaking up with you. Unless that’s what you want.
Despite myself, I let out a soft wheeze .
Me: Of course I don’t want that, babe. I’m right here when you need me.
Maddox: Thank you.
Smiling, I stare at his messages. This isn’t what I want at all, but I get it. If Maddox needs time to figure things out, and if he thinks this is what’s needed right now, then I’ll give him this.
A call lights up the screen of my phone, and I scramble to answer it, hoping it’s Maddox. When Walters’s name shows up, I frown—what does he want?
“Hey, what’s up?” I say once the call’s connected.
“Schultz,” he says, his voice grim. “Everything okay? Fuck. I just heard that who we were talking about earlier was Maddox. I’m so sorry. I should have listened to you when you said Viktor was bad news. Didn’t know he was capable of this shit.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Why would he even do that? When you said before that he was bothering a friend… you meant Maddox, didn’t you?” he asks. When I stay silent, he sighs and says, “Okay… listen. I’ll tell my frat president about what went down, and—”
“I don’t know, man,” I say. I scratch the back of my neck. That’s exactly what I had wanted, but then again, even asking for it is the reason we’re in this mess. “Not sure if pushing the asshole even more is a good idea.”
“Yeah, but either way, now that he’s done this—you really think any person in their right mind would want to associate with him anyway? Besides, my frat is pretty strict about this kind of shit.”
I grunt in response. My mind’s still racing. It hasn’t calmed down, and I’m not yet thinking straight—the stress of today is weighing down on me, and even if Maddox said he only needs time, I’m petrified at the idea that I fucked it all up.
But, still.
I should have been there.
I should have.
This is something I should have nipped in the bud the first time I saw Maddox freeze up at the sight of Ulrich, and that seems forever ago in Stella Café. We weren’t even together yet, but I should have been smarter. I should have made sure that Ulrich stayed out of his life, even back then.
I should have never given Ulrich the benefit of the doubt years ago, when I first hung out with him and I only had a hunch that he was bad news.
“Your house has another party this weekend, right?” I ask Walters.
“Yeah. This Saturday.”
“Invite Ulrich.”
His voice rises in pitch. “What?”
“Tell him to be at the fucking party.”
“Don’t do anything rash, Schultz.”
“Too late for that, don’t you think?” I snap. “Tell him to be there.”
There’s silence on the other line. After a loud sigh, Walters mumbles, “Fine.”