31. Maddox
Maddox
K illian doesn’t speak as we make our way back to campus. It turns out he didn’t bring a car, probably because it’s close to his dorm, and I fight not to tell him that my legs are fucking killing me.
His grip around my hand is tight and warm, but he’s glaring straight ahead, his mouth pressed into a thin line, and I don’t want to interrupt whatever’s going through his head.
A lot happened, and I can tell that even if he hates how Warren talks down to him, he still respects him a lot.
He wouldn’t have let it go on for so long otherwise.
It’s not until we enter the courtyard of Camrose that he turns to me. We stop under the shade of an enormous tree, and he gives me an alarmed look, as if just now realizing I’m actually here.
“Why were you all red when you got to the diner?” he asks. “Did you run there?”
My cheeks heat up. “No.”
I speedwalked, actually, but he doesn’t need to know that. Killian beams at me, and I’m guessing he doesn’t believe my answer.
Whatever. I’m just glad the color’s back in his face.
And now that the Killian I know is in front of me, it’s as if I have air in my lungs again .
I smack him in the chest, and he staggers back. “What the hell, Killian!? Why didn’t you tell me he was going to be here today? I would have dropped everything to be there! Even if I said we should lie low… I would have been there!”
“But you had your meeting with Wheeler.”
“So!? This is more important!” My emotions come rushing in all at once now that we’re out of the diner, away from Warren, and I don’t have the strength to pretend that my heart isn’t breaking. “I… okay. I don’t know what to focus on. Fuck. Wait. Is that how your dad talks to you all the time!?”
“He was way more harsh than he usually is,” Killian says, though I think he’s trying to placate me.
Maybe. I don’t know. Squaring my shoulders, I hold back tears.
I can’t cry right now, in the middle of the damn courtyard.
The few people around might think we’re breaking up—and just the thought of that makes my heart twist even more.
“I don’t care if he’s your dad. Don’t let him talk to you that way. How can you stand up for me against Viktor but not stand up to your own dad!?” I shout, my voice all high-pitched. Killian tilts his head to the side and smiles, his eyes twinkling up. “This isn’t funny!”
“I’m not laughing.”
“You’re smiling. You’re looking at me as if you want to pinch my cheeks or something, and this isn’t the time or the place.
Stop that.” He probably knows there’s a rant brewing in me because he keeps quiet, as if urging me to go on.
So I do. “I mean it, Killian. Focus on what I’m saying.
Don’t let anyone talk to you that way! You’re incredible, and you don’t deserve that at all and— what are you doing? ”
He has his phone out and spares it a quick glance, taking a screenshot of his locked screen. What the hell?
“Noting the date and time of this very precise moment,” he says simply.
“What? Why? I’m breaking down and you’re—”
“I love you, Maddox.”
I suck in a breath, and whatever other words I had in my rant quickly dissipate.
Of course he had to say that now, of all times, because it’s the very thing that shatters my already crumbling armor. Rattled, I’m unable to stop the fucking way my eyes water.
“I love you,” he repeats, as if I didn’t hear him clearly enough already. As if hearing those words once didn’t already shake me to my core. “And you would never sprint to a diner outside campus just to speak up for me if you didn’t feel the same way, so I know you love me, too.”
“I didn’t sprint to the diner,” I say between ragged breaths. This man. Seriously. “What’s wrong with you? Why would you blurt that out right now?”
He’s right, though.
I love him.
So immensely that I don’t even know what to do with how my heart clamors in my chest. I bury my face in my hands, hiccuping. I’m a ridiculous mess.
Just how many times am I going to end up crying in front of this man?
He moves to take a step closer, then stops himself. Killian gives me a slight smile and asks, “By the way… how did it go with Wheeler?”
“I-I…” Goddamn, I need to get it together.
Taking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders, I say, “He knew. He fucking knew , Killian. He said he hasn’t been letting me grade your papers because he assumed we had something going on, and—and he gave me a form for both of us to sign.
But, yeah. He knew. I had nothing to worry about. ”
Killian’s eyes widen and he stares for me for a good moment.
Then he bursts out laughing. “What?”
“Yeah! I’ve been stressing over it all this time, and—and I didn’t even have to. God, Killian. I’m so sorry. I made you stay away, and I didn’t even have to. ”
Killian shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he says, and he puts his hands on my cheeks and wipes away at the wetness. “I don’t care about that. I’m just happy it’s all settled down.”
Seriously? Just how understanding and patient can he be? What did I ever do to deserve him? It’s unreal.
Killian presses his lips against my hair, then tugs at my hand. “Let’s go?” he asks, and I nod because I’ve apparently lost any ability to speak at the moment. As we walk though, I run words through my head. Words that I need to get out to him.
How exactly do I even begin to apologize to him for how badly I treated him this past week?
I lashed out at him for trying to protect me against my harasser, then I made him stay away while I figured out how to fix a mess with my boss that was my own doing.
And all throughout it, he waited. He never complained.
But then again, I remember my conversation with my best friend, and realize that the words I’m sorry aren’t the right ones to use.
His dorm’s closer, so we end up going there.
It’s just after lunch and there are only a few people out in the hallway, and we run into Vega, who greets us both with a nod.
It’s not until we’re inside Killian’s room that I remember I haven’t had lunch, and that he didn’t touch the meal he was having with his dad.
He’s got practice in a few hours, and I know how grueling that usually is, and I don’t want him to go with an empty stomach.
“Killian,” I say. “Should I buy lunch—”
He cuts me off, cupping the back of my head and kissing me. My back collides with the door and my hands fly up to clutch at his shirt.
He sucks at my lower lip, then I feel him grin against my mouth. “I need to have you right now,” he says, and my heart jumps. “Sorry, baby. I’m all worked up. I need you.”
With the way my cock stiffens, it looks like we’re on the same page.
“Need you too,” I murmur. “But I need to say something.”
Killian pouts, but he listens and pulls away from me. He sticks his hands to his sides. “What is it?”
I smile, raising my eyes to his .
“I was thinking of how to apologize,” I say softly. “I treated you horribly this past week. I pushed you away because I didn’t want to drag you down with me.”
Killian opens his mouth, likely to argue, but he shuts it just as quickly.
I continue, “But… instead of apologizing, I think it’d be better to thank you.”
His eyebrows furrow. “Huh?”
I nod.
Talking to my best friend about what happened to us in the past made me realize one very important thing, and that’s that I should be grateful for people who are willing to fight for me. To protect me.
I should be grateful that I have people who care for me so much that they’d risk everything for me.
“Thank you,” I say again. “I’m lucky I have you. I need to stop pushing you away when things are difficult. I need to unlearn some very bad habits, and you’ve always been very patient about that. So thank you.”
That seems to flip a switch in him, and he grasps my hair, pulling at it.
He uses his hold on me to lead me into another kiss, and it’s mind-numbing and electrifying.
Killian seems different. He’s always been intense, but he’s on another level today.
The way he holds me is tighter. His kisses seem much more desperate.
It does something to me. If I thought I craved his touch before, it’s nothing compared to how I feel now. I don’t think I’d survive if he let go.
His hands drift down my sides, settling under my thighs, and I draw in a breath when he suddenly heaves me up. I have no choice but to hold on tightly around his shoulders and wrap my legs around him, my cheeks flaring.
“Killian,” I hiss, even if being carried like this may be something I’ve been fantasizing about since I first saw him. “Put me down.”
“Nah,” he says. Thank god.
He doesn’t falter when he carries me toward his bed, and his effortless show of strength turns me on so fucking much.
Killian drops me onto his bed and reaches into his desk drawer to retrieve lube and a condom, and I take the latter from him. He watches me as I flip it in my fingers, giving it a thoughtful look. “Do we need this?”
He freezes, then blinks at me slowly. “My last tests were negative, and I haven’t been with anyone else since then.” His lips part slightly, and he wets them with his tongue. “You?”
“Same.” I hold his gaze. “Do you want me to put this away?”
“Yeah, but… are you sure?” His voice is hoarse.
“I am if you are.”
Killian’s eyes darken. He gives me a slow nod, and I grin and toss the packet on the ground. It falls into the pile of laundry in the corner of his room that he never bothers to put away.
He crawls over me. I bury my face in his neck and inhale his scent, my arms circling around his shoulders and clutching them.