Chapter 16
Dane
Halle rears back against the seat cushion and blinks, her inky lashes fluttering before she glances to the front door as if looking for an escape.
The suspense is killing me, and her reluctance to tell me is a mystery. Why is it so hard to give me an answer? It’s either a yes or no, isn’t it?
Does she think I’ll be mad? Or be a dick about it and demand a paternity test?
When she finally turns her face to look directly at me, I can see the resolve in her teal-blue eyes.
She’s always had a confidence about her that made her unflappable.
Even when I met her with slushie running down her face, she was embarrassed, sure, but she stood her ground and didn’t fall to pieces. It’s why I was so attracted to her.
“Yes, she’s your daughter. But Dane—”
My breath catches in my lungs, and I cough. “Holy shit.”
Her statement hits me harder than a puck to my chest. I thought I was sure of everything, that I’d know how I’d react and respond. I’d be ready to step up and do the right thing. But now the reality of it hits… and I’m speechless.
“Holy shit,” I mumble again, still trying to find my words and unable to fully comprehend this entire situation. “I’m a dad?”
“Dane, listen to me.” Halle stretches her arm across the table, her hand balled in a fist.
I look down at it and wonder if she wants me to hold it.
But instead, she opens her fingers and deposits a small white box in front of me.
The air gets trapped in my lungs, and I stare at it and then back at her.
Her eyes search mine. “I completely understand if you want to confirm Lennon’s paternity before discussing this any further. ”
I pick up the box and read the label. DNA Paternity At-Home Test Kit. Something inside me ignites an irrational urge to throw the box out the window.
Instead, I shove it back in Halle’s direction. Her eyes flash questioningly, with a hint of confusion.
“I don’t need this to know.”
“Dane,” she says, shaking her head. “Be reasonable. It’s for your own peace of mind and leaves no room for doubt.”
I knead an eyebrow with my fingertips, tipping my head to one side and pinning her with my gaze. “I trust you, Halle. I know you wouldn’t lie or bullshit me about this.”
Halle sighs, her shoulders deflating like a balloon letting out its air.
But fuck me. I want to be honest with my feelings here. And while I know she’s not fucking lying to me, she has omitted the truth for five years. How do I respond to that?
“But why the hell didn’t you ever tell me you got pregnant?
” My words sound more accusatory than I mean them to.
Misty the waitress chooses this moment to return with the water and her expression clearly tells me she just heard what I said.
And from the looks from the table across from us, I may not have used my inside voice with that announcement.
Fuck. TMZ is going to be running this on their six o’clock episode tonight.
I cast a glance at Misty and raise my eyebrows in a silent request for her to remain discreet. She takes the cue and flees the table, looking over her shoulder at us once more before leaving me alone with Halle, whose eyes swim with unshed tears.
I inch closer to her in the U-shaped booth, moving her purse out of the way, and throw my arm behind the upholstered seat. I squeeze my hand into a tight fist, digging my nails into my palm to fend off the urge to stroke her silky hair.
“Please, Halle.” I reach for her hand currently toying with a napkin on the table. “Why did you keep this from me? I don’t understand.”
She inhales a deep breath and blows it out, wiping away a tear that had escaped down her cheek.
“I’m sorry, Dane,” she says, her voice quavering a bit from emotion. She clears her throat and straightens her posture against the booth. “The thing is, I honestly never wanted you to find out about Lenni.”
I’m stunned, literally stunned by her admission. I extract my arm from behind her and clasp my hands together on the table, then slide them forward. Rounding my back, I drop my head in disbelief.
I slowly turn to give her a side glance, searching for something in her expression that will explain her logic for keeping this secret from me.
Halle leans forward and reaches out to curl her palms over my fists. Her touch—so gentle and hesitant—confuses me. It makes me want to curl into her and make her mine again. But on the other hand, it’s patronizing and judging.
“Please understand my position,” she says imploringly, lips quivering. But I yank my hands away and jerk back upright, staring off in front of me so I can avoid her gaze.
“Jesus Christ, Halle.” The words come out like an arrow. “How did you think so little of me? Did I ever do anything to make you believe I wouldn’t have been there for you?”
Halle shakes her head, and strands of hair fall around her face. She tucks some behind her ears and moves toward me until there’s only a few inches between us. Her honey-and-lavender scent surrounds me, like an intoxicating force field that has me frozen in time.
“No, that’s not what I believed at all. But life was complicated after I found out I was pregnant with Lenni.
I was dealing with big emotions and wild mood swings.
” Her brows furrow and the corners of her mouth dip down into a frown.
She slides her hands under the table, and I can see her absently picking her nails.
“I not only lost my scholarship but didn’t have a way to return to school.
I was scared out of my mind about how my dad would react to my pregnancy and what he’d say.
And then, after dealing with those stresses, when I was finally at a place where I could tell you… by then, you’d been drafted.”
I’ll admit, it sounds like she’d had a lot on her plate to go through alone. It only hurts more that she didn’t choose to reach out right away. I would’ve been by her side.
Wouldn’t I?
I shift to face her and adjust my legs so my knees don’t bump into hers. I’m not sure if either one of us could handle any physical connection right now.
“You had plenty of time to let me know.” I count out the months on my fingers. “April. May. June.”
She nods her head. “Yeah, I suppose I did. Trust me, I vacillated at least fifteen times a day. Pregnancy hormones are no joke. I drove my family nuts.” Halle laughs at her own inside joke.
Fuck it. I need to touch her.
I reach under the table and capture her hand in mine, holding it on the seat between us. Her skin is so soft, and a little cold. Such a contrast from my hot, callused hands. I stare down at her short, pink-painted nails and wonder how much she’s been through without me to support her.
“I promised you, Cherry. Remember? I thought that meant something.”
Halle wiggles her fingers loose from my grip but then intertwines her slim fingers through mine.
“I know, Dane. But it was the promise of an eighteen-year-old on the cusp of a very big life. I did this for you as much as I did it for Lennon.” She looks at me with frank earnestness.
“Be real. You would have never been around to see her. You played for Chicago at the time, and we were in Calgary. How would that have even worked?”
I make a scoffing noise of protest, my ego taking the hit even though I know she’s probably right.
Professional hockey is hard when you’re on the road at least nine months a year, in and out of cities across North America and sometimes playing games in other countries.
I’ve seen how hard it is for the guys with families when they’re on the road.
Even when they’re home, they don’t have much time to spend quality time with their families or significant others.
“Still,” I argue, lifting my chin in indignation. “At the very least, you could’ve told me. I could’ve supported you financially at least.”
Halle fidgets in the booth seat, her gaze lifting to mine. In it, I see my pain reflecting back on me.
“I texted you that June,” she states softly. My eyes narrow. “Your draft day. But you never responded. Maybe I didn’t expect you to, but I gave up. I told myself that you’d moved on and I wouldn’t ever try contacting you again.”
“What text?” I prod. That day had been a whirlwind.
I was in LA with my parents and my agent, sitting through the first round, sweating through my new suit and biting my nails as I waited for my name to be called.
My agent was honest and told me he hadn’t expected me to be selected that early on.
I was an excellent right winger with solid stats from juniors, but there was tough competition that year, and we both knew that being drafted in the first round was a pipe dream.
If I thought waiting through the first round was tough, the first half of the second round was utter torture.
But then the Chicago Buoys had their next pick, and the owner read off my name.
I can’t even begin to describe the elation inside me when my name was read and my lifelong dream of becoming a pro hockey player was fulfilled.
Everything was chaos from that moment on.
I was ushered up to a podium at the front of a large arena filled with thousands of players, parents, members of the press, and sports fans.
My hands had become clammy, and I rubbed them down my suit pants before meeting the owner and GM of the Buoys, who shook my hand and gave me pats on the back.
I was given a jersey and a turquoise Buoys hat—which, strangely enough, had brought Halle to mind.
Then I was ushered off to a formal meeting where I signed my exclusive intent to play for the team.
All that was followed by ceremonies, media interviews, photoshoots, and parties in a hotel suite with members of the team and staff. It was a blur of people.
The truth is, if Halle had sent me a text that day or even in the days that followed, I likely did miss it amongst the hundreds I received.
Sadly, one missed text led to missing out on a whole lot of Lennon’s life.
Halle regards me thoughtfully, as if trying to figure something out. I keep my expression neutral, even though I’m boiling on the inside. There are so many questions demanding to be answered, but we don’t have time to resolve them all today. I’m not sure where we will even go from here.
“I’m not going to lie, Dane. It broke my heart.”
“It wasn’t intentional, I swear.” I raise my hands in defense and pin her with an apologetic gaze. She nods once.
“Okay, fine,” she acquiesces, flitting one hand in the air. “But I remained cautiously hopeful I’d hear back from you at some point. And when that response never came, it felt like defeat. Like I never mattered to you. So I blocked your number.”
Halle dips her head and makes a face, tightening her mouth contritely.
“Seriously? You must have known how I felt about you,” I say, hoping to justify my position. “If you remember, you were the one who broke things off with me. I didn’t want to but went along with it for your sake. Had we still been together, I would’ve known and none of this would’ve ever happened.”
The minute the censorious words leave my mouth, and I see the hurt expression and pain in her eyes, I know it was a dick thing to say. I inhale deeply and rub a hand over the stubble on my cheeks.
Fuck, I’m botching this up so bad.
She reaches for her purse and starts to get up from the booth, but I grasp her wrist to keep her from leaving. Halle gives me a look, and I drop my hand.
“Halle, please. Don’t go. I’m sorry. That came out wrong.”
This can’t be the end of this conversation. I don’t want her to go. We need to figure this out and resolve things if we are going to move forward. Because if I’ve learned anything from this news, it’s that I want to be part of both her and Lennon’s lives.
“Halle, I know none of this is your fault, and I didn’t mean to make it sound otherwise. It was just bad timing and circumstances that messed everything up. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care about you. I promise you, I would’ve been there for you.”
Halle’s gaze drifts back to mine and she gives me a meaningful look, her teal eyes sparkling with diamond tears as a watery smile appears on her face.
“I know. You may have been a hockey boy with a big ego, but you were never an asshole.”
I laugh at the nickname she gave me when we first met and raise a brow.
Misty returns to the table to take down our orders, giving us a few moments to reflect and step away from the heaviness of our conversation.
This entire discussion is surreal, and I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that I am someone’s father. Lennon is my daughter. I don’t need a paternity test to know the truth, although I know what my dad and agent will tell me.
Take the fucking test.
And then a thought occurs to me.
Halle said earlier that she never wanted me involved in Lennon’s life before this. But what about now? Is she willing to let me in now?
I didn’t even know Lenni even existed before. But now that I do, I’m here and she’s here. I’m ready to take on the responsibility of being her dad.
I place my elbows on the table and cup my chin in my hands, quirking one eyebrow skyward.
“Okay, so what’s next? When do we tell Lennon I’m her dad?”