Chapter 28
Halle
“Why the hell wouldn’t you say yes? There’s nothing to think about. Just fucking go.”
I stare into the video screen, where Carmy is currently giving me hell over my indecisive answer to Dane’s request.
I sigh. “Carm, it’s not that simple. And keep your swearing voice down. Lenni might overhear.”
“It is that simple,” she spits out in a shushed whisper. “You’re just making it extra difficult.”
Sometimes, Carm just doesn’t get my reality or see things from my perspective. She’s not a working woman raising a child on her own. Carmy doesn’t have to worry about taking care of anyone but herself.
While she’s my best friend and I love her to death, her outlook on life is skewed and has been since we first met. She was born into wealth and privilege, an only child doted on by her parents and spoiled to the point of annoyance. Carm doesn’t have to worry about anything but passing her boards.
“I can’t go out with Dane Axelrod. Period. End of story.”
Carm sits up against her headboard and scowls at me. “You’re so stubborn, Hal. Goddammit. You drive me nuts sometimes.”
“Right back atcha, bitch,” I counter, comically scrunching my face at her. She bursts out laughing and I follow suit.
Then her expression turns serious. And a serious Carmen is deadly. It’s why I know she will be a great prosecutor someday. I’d hate to be on the other side of a courtroom from her.
“Listen. You have an opportunity to reconnect with the father of your child. Even if it doesn’t go anywhere, it still gives you the chance to form a new relationship with him. In the end, Lenni can see her parents together in a respectful and friendly arrangement.”
“You’re saying I should go on a date with Dane for Lenni’s sake?”
She chuckles. “No, bitch. I’m saying, go out with Dane, get down and dirty and your clocks wound, then decide how you want to play it. Either way, you get some dick. And we both know that’s what you need.”
“My clocks wound?” I repeat, smacking my palm across my forehead. “Does everything always have to be about sex with you?”
Carmy leans into the screen so that her eyes and nose zoom in close. “Girl, need I remind you? Sex is what got you into this situation in the first place. Maybe it can help get you out of it.”
“I don’t need to get out of anything!” I grouse like the cranky, sex-starved woman my friend says I am. But I lie and try to make myself believe it too. “I’m just fine the way things are. I’m happy. Lenni’s happy.”
“Sure, sure. Everyone is just fine. Except that Lenni is going to someday—probably sooner rather than later—ask more about her father. If you don’t do it now, there could come a shitload of resentment in the future.”
I growl because Carmen’s right. Lenni’s already expressed interest in who her dad is and why she doesn’t have one. So far, I’ve been able to easily divert the conversation and downplay the question by telling her that she has everyone she needs in her life.
But am I being fair by keeping this tightly held secret?
Am I gambling with her future? And hurting mine in the process?
I know Dane has been patiently waiting for me to let us tell Lenni. He wants the three of us to sit down and explain to her that Dane is her daddy. But even that opens the floodgates to a myriad of questions I’m not sure how to answer.
Ones like: Where has Dane been? Why don’t we all live together? Did Dane not love her?
How do I answer any of those complex questions in a way that a four-year-old can understand?
It all boils down to one thing: I’m scared to reveal the truth.
The reason my daughter hasn’t known her father is because I kept them both in the dark. And now that he’s in our lives, the deceit becomes harder to live with.
As I begin to re-examine the decision I’ve stuck to all these years, the memories start to dismantle themselves piece by piece, and the picture zooms into focus clearer than ever before.
I’ve been protecting my own heart, not just my daughter’s.
Carmen flaps her hand in front of the camera, drawing my attention back to our conversation. “Hello. Are you still with me, Hal?”
I blink away my remorse. My voice cracks over words that come out in a ragged whisper. “Yeah, okay. You’re right.”
Her eyes grow comically wide. “What? Can you repeat that? Did you just admit that I’m right?”
She whoops out a loud, gleeful noise and throws her head back with a cackle, pointing her index fingers alternately to the ceiling in a dance of celebration. “I’m right. I’m right. I’m so fucking riiiiiight.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m hanging up on you now, you brat,” I warn, sticking my tongue out like a juvenile. “You’re being a dick.”
“Fine, sorry. I got carried away, but can you blame me? Usually, you’re the voice of reason. It’s just so out of character for you to be wrong.”
I flip her off. “I’m not wrong, per se. You just happen to have a strong argument and case. You are a lawyer, after all.”
“Lawyer-to-be. If I ever get through these exams with my head intact.” She scrubs a hand over her face. “Jesus, it’s killing me. But your boy troubles are a good distraction. Thanks for that.”
“So glad my chaotic life can be such a helpful distraction for you.” I snort just as a text pops up on my screen. “Hold on a second. I have an incoming text. It could be my dad.”
I tap the phone and the video of Carmy’s face disappears as I click over to the text app. When I see who it’s from, my stomach does a somersault.
Hockey Boy: I’m here to officially invite you out on a date.
Here? Here, where?
The next text follows closely behind, and I jump off the couch in a panic.
Hockey Boy: Come to the door. I’m on your front porch.
I spin around in a circle and can hear Carmy on the line saying, “What’s going on, Hal?” at the same time there’s a knock on the door.
“Carmy, holy shit.” I click back to the video chat, and my eyes are wild with panic. “Dane’s here. Right now. At my house.”
“Well then, go answer the freaking door, Halle,” she instructs me matter-of-factly. And then in a hushed whisper, she says, “And I hope you’ve shaved your legs and pussy in the last year.”
I don’t have time for a snotty response before the line goes black and she disappears from my screen, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, about to let in trouble.
I do a quick scan of my attire, completely spacing on what I threw on earlier when we got home from work.
My cropped Vikings T-shirt has a stain on it from the SpaghettiOs I made for Lenni’s dinner, and my bottom half is clad in only a pair of cotton pajama shorts.
No socks or shoes, and my hair is hanging sideways in a messy ponytail.
Carm’s comment about my shaving needs has me doing a quick fly-by of my shins, rubbing the bottom of my foot over my calf to verify the state of my stubble. All good there.
I unlock the deadbolts and swing the door open. If I’m dressed in comfy wear, Dane is blindingly handsome in a gray suit jacket and crisp white shirt, the top two buttons undone to show a bit of his chest hair. I swallow thickly, my tummy doing a shimmy of desire over his appearance.
Dane’s eyes cast a slow, sensual gaze over my body, his perusal sending pinpricks of pleasure as he hovers at my bare stomach and my breasts before he stops at my mouth.
I can’t help but bite down on my bottom lip.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, glancing at the time on the phone I’m still clutching in my hand. “It’s late and I have a sleeping child in here.”
He leans casually against the doorjamb and from behind his back pulls out a bouquet of pink Gerber daisies surrounded by an assortment of greenery and white baby’s breath.
I reach to grab the flowers from his grasp, but he doesn’t let go.
Instead, he holds my gaze as he steps forward across the threshold, and a slow smile unfurls across his handsome face.
“Halle, will you go out on a date with me?”
How the hell do I say no to that?