Chapter 34
Halle
“Is Ax gonna come soon to help us make cookies, Mama?”
My heart does a little flip when Lenni uses Dane’s nickname. She stares up at me with eyes that are so strikingly similar to Danes.
We’re in the kitchen prepping for our cookie-making extravaganza for Lennon’s birthday this week.
I began this tradition last year when Lenni was old enough to help me with certain tasks in the kitchen.
She stands on her pink polka-dotted step stool in an adorable kid-sized apron, her hair pulled back into a ponytail, and helps me roll out the dough we use to make her special cookies.
Next week, my baby turns five. She’ll start kindergarten next fall, and in the blink of an eye, she’ll be in high school, attending high school dances and getting her driver’s license.
The corners of my eyes fill with tears, and I blink them away, trying to focus on the present and not what the future holds.
I fold the sugar cookie dough a few more times and then hand it over to Lenni so she can flatten it out with her rolling pin.
“Yep, Dane should be here any minute. I invited him over just like you asked.”
It was a few nights ago, when I was trying to get my ball of energy and chitty-chatty daughter to sleep, that she brought up Dane again.
Her conversation style at bedtime is extremely meandery, even more so than during daylight hours, and it hits on several topics within a three-minute period. One of them this time was Dane.
“Mama, I don’t like bedtime,” she’d announced matter-of-factly.
I’d swept her hair from her face as she lay on her side, curled up with a pink bunny snuggled in her arms.
“Why’s that, baby?”
“Because I don’t like to close my eyes and fall asleep.”
I gave her a smile. “But sleep is good for you. We all need our rest because that’s when our bodies grow.”
A cute frown marred her heart-shaped mouth. “But when I sleep, I can’t play wiff Ax when he comes over to visit.”
Son of a biscuit.
My heart had dropped to my stomach. Had she heard Dane and me fooling around when he stopped over the other night after his game? We’ve tried being so careful to be quiet. We don’t need the inevitable questions that will arise if she wakes up to find Dane and me in an uncompromising position.
I quickly went with a diversion tactic instead of pretending Ax hadn’t been by.
Smoothing her hair down, I bent over and placed a kiss on her forehead.
“Well, how about we invite him over for our cookie-making extravaganza this weekend? I think he’s playing a home game Saturday night.”
With an appeased grin, she had closed her eyes. I bent down to give her another hug and kiss then walked toward the door.
“I love you, sweet pea,” I said from the doorway of her room. “Forever and always.”
Lenni smiled dreamily. “Fowever and always.”
You can only imagine the excitement Lenni has for today’s event. The moment she woke up, it was nonstop Ax this and Ax that. It’s highly amusing and very entertaining, but I think my kid might be a little obsessed with Dane.
Her mama might be too.
Speak of the devil.
My Ring doorbell notifies us of Dane’s arrival and Lenni, covered in flour, jumps from her stool and rushes to the front door.
“Hang on, sweetie,” I call out, grabbing a towel from the countertop and rushing after her. “We need to clean you off so you don’t get Dane all mess—”
Towel in hand, I bend forward to wipe her off as she swings open the door, and there’s Dane standing at the threshold, dressed in snug jeans and a gray T-shirt the color of his eyes. I twist at my waist to stare at him. He looks like a snack.
“Hello, pretty ladies,” he says with that boyish charm of his, amusement in his voice. “Don’t you both look adorable in your matching aprons.”
I straighten up and smile, gesturing with my arms out to the side. “It’s our official cookie-making attire.”
Dane steps inside and sweeps Lenni off her feet, swooping her over his head and flying her around. Lenni giggles and laughs with abandon, and my heart expands to ten sizes bigger inside my chest. It’s such a sweet and tender reunion.
Under different circumstances, I could envision Dane coming home and Lenni squealing “Daddy” in delight.
I shake the mental picture from my mind and gesture toward the kitchen. “Lenni, let’s show Dane what he’s going to do.”
“Okay, Mama.”
Dane sets Lenni down on her feet, and she grabs hold of his hand and drags him into the kitchen amid nonstop chatter. Our gazes tangle in an exchange that sends tingly shivers down my spine. It’s endearing and heartwarming, and I’m not at all sure I’ll survive this if things with Dane change.
It’s the reason I’ve delayed telling Lenni that Dane is her dad. She’d lose all of this if he disappeared and didn’t make time to see her again. But maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much if he’s just her friend Ax.
Taking notice of her stool, Dane pretends to step up. “Oh, is this stool for me?”
Lenni scoffs, giving him a tiny shove on his leg. “Noooo, Ax! This is for me. I’m little. You’re big.”
He scuttles back, his arms flailing wildly in all directions.
Then she demonstrates by climbing up to stand on the step and lifting her arms out wide. “See? Now I’m big.”
Dane tickles her ribs, and she squirms, expelling belly laughs that ring cheerfully around us. When I see the joy in both of their expressions, I look away, my heart squeezing tightly. I focus my gaze down to the dough and avoid the complexity of emotion that this scene conjures up for me.
“Okay you two. Enough goofing around,” I say sternly, eyeing them both. “We have cookies to bake.”
Dane sidles up between Lenni and me, his shoulder brushing against mine, and surveys the countertop covered in bowls and cookie sheets.
Standing beside me, he tilts sideways and puts his lips to my ear. “It smells so sweet in here. Is that you or the sugar?”
Goose bumps skitter down my arms, and my body vibrates so hard it’s like he’s shaking me like a ragdoll.
Dane’s palms smack the countertop. “Okay, boss ladies. Put me to work. What should I do?”
I lean forward to peer around Dane at my daughter. “Lenni, why don’t you have Dane roll out the dough and you pick out the cookie cutters to use?”
“Okay, Mama,” she agrees obediently. She grabs the Tupperware box filled with a variety of cutters that had belonged to my mom before she passed away.
A pang of grief stabs me squarely in my chest. I remember doing this very same thing with my mom when I was a kid.
My brothers were never interested in baking holiday cookies, so the activity belonged solely to me and Mom.
Those are the moments I’ve cherished since she died and the same kind I want to pass on to Lennon.
While Lenni searches through the assortment, Dane’s hand moves ever so discreetly behind my back.
My spine tingles as his fingertips begin a maddening descent over my ass, landing squarely over my butt.
Then he squeezes in what can only be defined as a precursor to what comes later after Lenni is in bed.
I chew my bottom lip and try to keep my heart from racing too wildly.
Checking the clock on the oven, I do the math and calculate the time for the cookies and when Lenni might go down for a nap. And when she does, I consider what might happen to fill that time.
I may end up eating something more than cookies.
The dirty thought gives me a secret thrill, and I covertly drop my own hand, slipping it between Dane and the cabinet, and cup his crotch.
A bear-like growl escapes his mouth, and I grin, drawing my hand back to the counter to accept a unicorn cookie cutter from Lenni, who dutifully doles one to each of us.
“Let’s get baking,” Dane says, tossing his up in the air and catching it in his palm. “I love to eat sweet things.”
Tongue in cheek, he glances at me with a naughty quirk of his brow.
I draw a generous circle around my lips with my tongue. “Me too.”
Dane gives me a saucy look and mouths, It’s on.