23. Blaze
Blaze
All my good intentions about facing the music at the staff meeting and then having a heart-to-heart with Brooke are laughed at and then stomped on by the universe when Marika pushes the staff meeting back a day and Brooke has to stay late at work with an emergency patient.
I can’t even use the extra time to visit Shawn because he doesn’t answer when I call his cabin, and I can’t bring myself to show up uninvited.
Maybe he needs a night to himself. It’s frustrating to feel like everything is so unresolved, but there’s not much I can do about it.
I can’t help clicking on a few more videos, wanting to watch him hit, too, not ashamed of ogling his ass as he sticks it out to swing at a hundred mile per hour fastball and hit it out of the park. I’ve had my hands all over that ass. How lucky am I?
But then I see another video thumbnail—a grainy one captioned “Shawn Camden Hartford Lamborghini Car Crash.” There’s not much to the video.
It seems to be taken from the sidewalk and starts when the sleek silver car is already fishtailing, then slides over a lane of traffic and plows right into a utility pole.
You can see a few people on the sidewalk jumping out of the way, but my eyes are glued to the front of the vehicle.
It wasn’t traveling very fast, but a head-on collision is nothing to take lightly.
The person taking the video rushes to the car, and someone opens the driver’s door.
Shawn’s behind the wheel. The airbag has been deployed, and his eyes are closed.
The video cuts out. It has almost a million views.
I shut off my phone, not wanting to watch it again.
Holy hell. I count back in my head. That happened a little over two weeks ago. He’s okay, I reassure myself. He was obviously not seriously hurt. I saw him only a few days after it happened, when we were fishing on the dock together, and he didn’t seem to have so much as a bruise.
So why is my heart hammering? Why are my palms sweaty?
If something that major happened to him only a little while ago, then is all of this—the retreat, working on the house, me—just some kind of reaction to the stress?
I was already afraid it wasn’t going to last. But now I’m worried it’s not even real.
“And a throuple is coming Monday for a week. Cabin two. We’ll need to stock everything for three people,” Marika says.
All the key staff are gathered in her office for the rescheduled meeting—Davy, Nolan, Nita, Roger, and me.
Work is a good distraction from the fact that I haven’t seen Shawn since yesterday morning when we showered together and kissed each other goodbye like we were on our honeymoon or something.
“They’re interested in seeing the fall colors before they’re totally gone. ”
I grunt and mutter, “Cutting it close.” We’re into October and the peak has passed, though there’s still plenty of color around the edges of the lake.
“I’m forwarding their dietary preferences to you, Nolan. I think there’s a seafood allergy in there,” she says.
He wrinkles his nose but says nothing. I’m pretty sure Nolan thinks food allergies are a sign of personal weakness, but he’s good about following the notes he’s been given.
“It’s May’s birthday this Saturday,” Nolan says. “So I’m doing a chocolate mousse cake for Sunday supper this week.”
I let out an involuntary noise of appreciation. Nolan glances at me shrewdly. “How did you like your chocolate mousse, Blaze?”
I freeze. I forgot he all but knows I stayed over at Shawn’s the other night. There are so many ways I could respond to the question, but my problematic brain comes up with: “I didn’t have a chance to try it.”
He balks. “Are you serious? I had to make the sugar syrup twice because the first one seized and you were too busy knocking boots with the guy in cabin three to eat my mousse?”
I’m about to take issue with half the things he just said, but Marika gets there first. “That’s enough, Nolan. Let’s keep personal stuff out of today’s meeting.”
He opens his mouth as if to rebut but closes it when he sees Marika’s stern look. She’s probably the only person on the planet who can get him to be quiet.
I check my watch. If this meeting goes a little faster, I might get to the site before they break for the day.
“Where are we with the end of season inventory?” Marika asks me.
To that, at least, I have a ready answer. “Almost done. I’m putting together the list of replacement items we’ll want to get before spring.”
“Send it over with cost estimates when you’re finished,” she says. “Davy, how close are we to hiring another aesthetician?”
I tune out Davy’s answer and worry the problem of Shawn over in my mind again. It feels like our expiration date is rapidly approaching, but the thought of him leaving and me never seeing him again leaves me with a panicky feeling in my gut.
“And last thing before I let you all go—our fall bonfire night at the end of the month. I want to make sure we have plenty of fuel—Blaze, you’re our chief bonfire constructor. What do you need from us?”
“Roger’s been setting aside brush and wood, so we’re good on fuel. If any of you have stuff from home you want to contribute, make sure it stays dry.”
Every year Marika hosts a community bonfire on the beach for guests, employees, and Laketon residents to get together, drink hot chocolate, and throw burnable refuse onto the pyre.
It’s a fun tradition, though I usually have to work the fire, making sure it stays safe, with backup from the Laketon volunteer firefighters.
Marika dismisses us but adds, “Blaze, can you wait a second?”
Nolan snickers at me as he leaves the office, the shit. I turn back to Marika after everyone else has gone. “What’s up?” I ask, going for casual.
“I hear Shawn’s joined the construction crew working on your house.”
“Where on earth—never mind.” The woods have ears, and Marika hears everything. “Yes, Luis recruited him, and for some reason he wants to work.”
“Interesting,” she says, checking something on her laptop. “Well, I only have him booked through Saturday, so I need to hear from him if he’s going to extend his stay.”
The thought does not cheer me up. I’m aware of what Marika charges folks like Shawn, and even though we’ve had guests stay longer, it still represents a small fortune. He’s not going to live at the retreat forever.
“Apparently, you stayed over at his cabin Monday night.”
There’s no point in denying it. “Yep.”
She looks at me steadily. “And how is that going?”
“Good?” I make it sound like a question, and she frowns.
“Blaze, honey, I’ve known you since you were fourteen. You’re obviously an adult, but I have to ask and make sure you’re okay.” She pauses, then puts her hand on my shoulder. “Your mom would want me to check and make sure you’re okay.”
My chest tightens but I manage to talk without my voice breaking.
“Wow, you’re pulling the mom card.” She’s my employer, but she’s also the closest thing I have to a parent anymore.
I’m not mad—the tightness in my chest eases into a wave of tenderness.
Marika doesn’t have kids of her own. She’s close with her nephew Josh, but he lives in Boston and only comes up once or twice a year.
I’m the one who sees her day in and day out, the one who’s her neighbor.
The one she gave a lifeline to when I was struggling to take care of Brooke and pretend I was a grown man who could provide for myself and my sister both.
I gaze at her familiar, comforting face.
“Marika, I appreciate the concern. And maybe it’s warranted, I don’t know.
” Right now I’m not feeling all that great about our chances.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen with Shawn.
But I like him a lot. And he likes me.” It sounds kind of weak, but it’s all I have.
She studies me for a moment, then nods. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it?”
“I trust you.”
My shoulders straighten at the stamp of approval. “By the way, Brooke’s involved with her boss.”
Marika’s jaw drops. “The dentist?”
“Yep, Dr. Rocky,” I say with big brother vindictive satisfaction.
“How did I not know about this?” She sounds flabbergasted.
“I just found out myself.” And Brooke and I have barely spoken since she told me.
I sigh. I wish I could go to the construction site, have dinner with Shawn, and maybe get some reassurances from him that what we have isn’t some weird trauma response.
But my sister comes first. “Marika, I have to go.”