CHAPTER 20
The hum of the car’s engine fills the silence, a steady drone that’s somehow louder than I’d like it to be.
I sit in the backseat, staring out the window at the blur of streetlights and darkened houses passing by.
My thoughts keep drifting back to the lake, to the way Hayes’s face was so close to mine, the air thick with the kind of tension that doesn’t just disappear.
What the hell was I thinking? Risking that kind of close proximity knowing full well how much power he has over me, even though I keep denying it.
Why do I let him play with me all the time?
When am I going to learn my lesson and just push him far away?
Instead, I keep letting him in, close enough to fuck with me all over again.
“Hayes seems like a good kid,” Mom says from the front seat, breaking the silence. Her voice is casual, like she’s commenting on the weather. “I know you two have had your issues, but he’s really grown into a mature young man. Thoughtful and polite.”
Her words hit like a splash of cold water, snapping me out of my thoughts. I feel my jaw tighten as I look out the window, pretending I didn’t hear her. I don’t want to talk about Hayes. Not right now. Not after what he did just a few hours ago.
How could I have let him play me like that?
Mark, sitting in the driver’s seat, nods. “I agree. I hear he’s your team captain?” Mark asks. When I don’t respond, he casts a glance at me from the rearview mirror, a small smile plastered on his face as he watches me.
“Yeah,” I force myself to reply even though I badly want to get out of this car, go straight to my shower, and scrub every thought of Hayes out of my mind.
“I’m glad you two are finally becoming friends,” Mom says as she turns in her seat to look at me. “I know he treated you badly when you both were younger, but I’m glad he’s changed. He seems like a saint now.”
I bite back the retort that’s sitting on my tongue.
A saint, huh?
Hayes is anything but a saint. I know exactly who Hayes is.
I know because I almost let myself forget it tonight.
My fingers clench into a fist as I remember how close I came to letting him kiss me.
Again. I was seconds away from lowering my guard for the same person who made sure I learned the hard way not to trust him
I stare at my mother before turning my gaze to glance at our familiar neighborhood coming into view.
Mom lets out a sigh, clearly disappointed, but I don’t care.
She wasn’t there to see how things really went down back then.
She didn’t see the way he laughed along with his friends, using my first kiss like a weapon to humiliate me.
It’s been four years, but the memory still stings, a reminder of why I swore I’d never let him get that close again
“You know, Dakota, when kids are around their peers, they tend to do stupid things all the time. This is why they’re called kids.
Your mom told me what happened four years ago between you two and I think you should know boys that age make mistakes and they regret them.
So I think you shouldn’t hold on to past grudges and don’t let it define what you think of him.
People do change and Hayes seems like he’s really changed,” Mark says and I scoff under my breath.
I can feel his heavy gaze on me and I don’t have to look but I know he’s staring at me from the rearview mirror.
I hate it when people do this. Try to justify shit like they know what really went on in your life. Hayes might have “matured” or “changed”, but he’s still the manipulative asshole I knew four years ago and he showed me that side of him at the lake tonight.
“You really should give him a shot, Dakota. He seems like a good guy,” Harper says beside me and I turn to glare at her. She curls her lips and shrugs as if saying, sorry I tried to help.
“Just putting it out there,” Mark says as he flashes me a warm smile from the rearview mirror. I don’t smile back.
“You’ll be surprised how fast you two would become good friends if you just give him a shot.”
I stare out the window, rolling my eyes as I mutter under my breath. “Huh-huh.”
Mark parks his car and I don’t wait for him to turn off the engine before jumping out of the car. I slam the door shut and hurry toward the door. Mom meets me by the front door as she opens it, a look on her face like I’m fourteen again and throwing a tantrum.
Fuck’s sake, y’all, give me a break.
I walk past the foyer to the living room as I hear Shepard barking, his nails clicking against the hardwood floor as he scrambles to greet me. The familiar, excited yips echo through the house, and a small smile tugs at my lips despite the whirlwind of emotions still churning inside me.
“Hey, buddy,” I murmur, bending down to scratch behind his ears.
Shepard wags his tail furiously, leaning into my hand like he’s been waiting all day for this moment.
It’s grounding, the feel of his fur, the unconditional warmth in his eyes—like he doesn’t care what I’ve done or what mess I’m tangled in with Hayes
“Shep, come here, boy,” Harper calls as my dog trots toward her, standing on his paws to welcome Harper. I watch as Harper falls to her knees, a big smile on her face as she rubs his fur, speaking gibberish as he barks happily.
Sometimes I think my own dog likes Harper more than me. My phone vibrates in my jacket pocket as I pull it out, unlocking the screen to read Seth’s message.
Hiya, Coty. Back from dinner yet? Tell me it wasn’t as awkward as I’d thought. His message reads.
I scoff, a small smile on my lips as I make my way upstairs to my room. I’d told Seth about the dinner earlier today and he joked about how awkward it would be. If only he knew half of what happened today.
I open my room door and shut it, making sure to turn the lock before getting undressed. I need a cold shower. If only that would quench the fire burning under my skin, the one that Hayes somehow manages to ignite every time he’s close, with a single look or a few well-placed words.
The glow of the streetlights filters through my curtains, casting faint patterns on the ceiling as I start to peel every layer of clothing off my skin.
The silence is heavy, wrapping around me like a suffocating blanket, and I know I’m not getting any sleep tonight.
Not with the way my mind keeps replaying everything that happened by the lake.
I can still feel the heat of his breath against my skin, the faint brush of his lips hovering just out of reach. The memory tightens my chest, my pulse quickening in the quiet room. I was so close to letting him kiss me.
Too close.
I could’ve leaned in just a little more. Closed the gap. Let the tension snap and turn into something real—something that might’ve felt good. For a split second, I wanted it. Wanted to know what it would feel like to give in.
And then reality sinks its claws into me.
Hayes Griffin.
My rival.
My enemy.
The guy who’s been getting under my skin since we were kids.
I almost let him in. Almost let him get that close. What the hell was I thinking?
I can’t afford to forget who he is. The same guy who’s spent years pushing my buttons. The same guy who, four years ago at summer camp, tricked me into believing—just for a moment—that he could be something else. Someone safe.
The betrayal still stings, even now. Like a bruise that never fully healed.
I was just a kid then. Too na?ve. Too trusting. I learned my lesson the hard way: never let your guard down around Hayes Griffin.
And tonight, I almost did it again.
That’s the part that scares me the most.
Because for a split second, I wanted to. I wanted to let the tension between us snap into something real. I felt it in the way my body froze, in the way my heart pounded so loudly I thought he might hear it as he leaned in.
That’s exactly why I have to shut this down before it goes any further.
I yank off my shoes and my pants, movements sharp, angry. My hands tremble with frustration, with everything I don’t know how to deal with.
Why does he always do this to me?
Why can’t I just forget him—forget the past and leave it where it belongs?
Because the truth is, I can’t.
No matter how hard I try, part of me is still drawn to him. Not the boy who betrayed me years ago—but the version of him I saw tonight. The one whose gaze softened for just a second. The one who leaned in like he actually wanted to kiss me.
And that’s dangerous.
Hayes isn’t different. He’s still the same guy who’s been screwing with my head for years. I need to remember that. Need to remember what he did to me.
But sitting alone in the darkness, I know convincing myself of that is easier said than done.
Because no matter how much I try to deny it, the truth is that tonight, a part of me wanted to let go of the past and see what it would be like to give in, just this once.
I stand up from the foot of my bed, naked, as I make my way to my bathroom.
The bathroom light flickers on, and I catch my reflection in the mirror—flushed cheeks, a slight tremble in my hands, and something else that’s fully erect below my waistline.
I glance downward, groaning at my erection that’s throbbing with need.
I hate that he has this effect on me, that even now, alone, I can’t shake him from my mind.
Stepping into the shower, I let the freezing water rush over me, hoping it’ll wash away everything—the lingering traces of his gaze, the memory of his voice, the way he looked at me like I was the only person in the room.
But the cold only shocks me, grounding me back into the same, inescapable thoughts.
I close my eyes, pressing my forehead against the tiles as I let the water pour over me, wishing it could cleanse more than just my skin and the dirty thoughts that’s creeping into my head.
I let my hand wander downward, gripping myself and knowing that when I’m done I’m going to hate myself for this.
I squeeze my eyes shut, images of Hayes shirtless, his strong, muscled body, his milky skin, that stupid smirk that always irritates me—and sometimes, if I’m honest with myself, drives me crazy as I stroke the length of my shaft.
“Fuck…” I murmur, the word swallowed by the sound of running water.
My breathing is labored, my lips parted as a soft moan escapes my lips.
I think about what his hands would feel like on my skin, and what his lips would taste like locked against mine and exploring the seam of my mouth.
I increase my pace, a pained groan slips out of my lips as anger, irritation, and lust grows in the pit of my stomach.
This is messed up, touching myself to the thoughts of the one person I fucking despise. The one person I shouldn’t crave or want. I can feel my release at the tip as I let go, falling forward with my forehead pressed against the tiled wall with my free hand holding back my weight on the wall.
I take a deep breath and slowly peel my eyes open. I can feel the shame sink in slowly as I watch the water rinse away my release.
What the hell am I doing?
What the hell did I just do?
I’m done thinking about him, about what almost happened. Tomorrow, I’ll see him at school, and it’ll be business as usual, like nothing’s changed. We’ll go back to the same taunts and the same rivalry. I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me.
But even as I step out of the shower, even as I dry off, I know I’m lying.
Because something changed tonight.
And the thought that won’t leave me—no matter how hard I try—is this:
What would’ve happened if I hadn’t pulled away?