53
Huxley
Itold you she was amazing,” I tell the class, then my attention goes to Val. I lean down closer to her. “You alright, Love?”
I’ve never seen her cry during a performance before. I know she told me that she’s felt certain emotions so she can put them into her performance, but this one was almost painful to watch.
Another tear rolls down her cheek, but she nods and smiles at me. She truly is a talent. Being able to put so much of herself into a performance isn’t easy, but she does it like a pro.
“Are you both going to sing now?”
We both look back at the class, all of them now giddy with excitement to hear us sing together. I normally don’t sing for them unless I absolutely need to. But Val’s here, so it’s a special occasion.
I look back down at her. “It’s up to you.”
She looks conflicted. As if she didn’t just pour her heart out in front of them already.
Finally, she nods. “Sure.”
I turn back to my class and move toward the center of the room. “Alright. Requests. Go.” They all start shouting over each other, yelling out song names for us to sing. I raise my hand. “Stop.”
They all go silent as I turn back and look them over. A girl in the far back corner, in the same seat that Val sat in Freshman year, looks ready to yell a song out. Maybe it’s the seat she’s in, but I let her have the floor.
“Request?”
The Freshman girl smiles with excitement. “Like I’m Gonna Lose You.”
I go over the song in my mind, and my heart catches on the meaning of the lyrics. I don’t want to lose Val, but admitting I love her will scare her away. She probably still remembers our deal. I’m the idiot who couldn’t keep my emotions in check.
Which is why I’m pushing it so hard now. I can’t afford to forget again.
I look over at Val as she turns to me. “Does that work for you?” She smiles softly and nods. “Perfect.”
I head to the other side of the room to grab two stools for us, hooking my arm around a guitar on my way back.
Val takes one of the stools, and we both get into position. After I situate the guitar on my legs, I look up at Val. She nods, so I start to play.
I can’t help but watch her while she sings.
How easily she falls into a song. How she blends her voice to any style.
This is her element.
Whether she really knows it or not, Valentina Demarco is a singer. And I could watch her for the rest of my life.
When the chorus starts, she finally looks over at me, and she doesn’t look away. She sings those words to me, and I feel every ounce of pain she puts into them.
Her eyes glisten, and my heart stutters. There’s no way she actually feels what I feel. But even if she did, there’s no way it would last.
I try to sing to her too, but I don’t know this song as well as I want. So I have to keep glancing at my hands, making sure I’m hitting the right notes. But when the chorus comes back, I don’t look away from her.
Her eyes on me while we’re singing together might be my favorite feeling in the world.
I never want to lose this.
I never want to lose her.
My eyes fall back on my hands during the short bridge instrumental to focus. Before I can even try to look back at her, she’s next to me, pulling my chin to her as she sings.
I’m in a trance, staring up at her as we sing, as we connect in a way that I’ve never been able to do with anyone else.
I think this is what I’ll miss the most. Voices don’t just fit together this well, and yet ours do. I’ll miss the easiness, the happiness, the lightness. She’ll take it all when she leaves me.
I don’t want to be taken from this moment, but the class erupts into cheers when we finish, bringing me back to reality.
I don’t think I’ve ever conveyed emotion better than I just did with Val. She does something to me when we sing, and my chest aches knowing I’ll never get that again when she’s gone.
I stand and wrap my arm around Val’s shoulders, needing her close while I still have her. “And that is how you convey emotion in your performance.”
The class starts packing up their things as I reluctantly slip away from Val. “We’ll be in our normal classroom on Thursday,” I call out to them as I put the guitar away.
I turn, nodding to the last few students as they leave, before my eyes fall on Val again. She’s still in the same spot, staring up at her seat from Freshman year.
I come up beside her and pull her into me. “How do you feel?”
Her eyes come back to mine, staring up at me with a look I can’t describe. Her hand comes up, reaching for my hair, brushing it back from my face. I love her touch, but this feels different. I just can’t put my finger on it.
“Happy,” she finally whispers, and that’s all I care about. As long as she’s happy, nothing else matters in the world. I lean down to kiss her, but we get rudely interrupted.
“Once again, you got her to sing,” Owen says behind me. I internally groan as I pull away from Val to look at him. “And in front of people, too.”
“I’m a bit more persuasive than you are,” I tell him as I drape my arm over Val’s shoulders, keeping her next to me.
“You’re also her boyfriend.”
I shrug. “That helps.”
Owen looks at Val, and an unreadable expression takes over his face. It’s gone in a second as he nods to us and turns to leave.
“Good job today,” he says, pointing at me. “It was smart to bring in an example.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
Suddenly, he turns all the way back to us and points at Valentina with both hands. “Great job today. I knew you’d be amazing.”
I look down at her as she smiles. “Thank you.”
I wait until I hear the door to the classroom shut before I turn completely to Val, threading my fingers through her hair so she’s looking up at me. “You are amazing.”
“Just kiss me already.”
I smirk and lean down to kiss her. Her hand slides up my chest and into my hair, holding me in place as she deepens the kiss.
I chuckle, pulling back just enough to whisper against her lips. “Easy, Love.”
“I don’t want to take it easy.”
That makes me stop.
I pull back even more with confusion. She still looks like my girl, but she sounds nothing like her right now.
“Just kiss me,” she practically begs as she tries to pull me back.
As hard as it is, I keep a distance between us.
“Are you okay?” My voice sounds rough, and all my little fears of something seeming different about her come flooding back to the surface.
“Why?”
I hate that answer. Mainly because it isn’t one. “Why do you want to move so fast?”
“Why do you not?”
I’m so confused. And that only freaks me out more. I don’t know what’s happening, but it needs to stop.
“I’m not saying I don’t,” I say as calmly as I can manage right now. “I just don’t know why you want to go faster.”
“Fine, then just forget it.” She pushes past me and heads for the exit.
“Valentine.”
“What?” she snaps, turning to face me with so many emotions clashing on her face. I look her over, trying to make sense of all this, but nothing is fitting together in my head.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
I glare at her. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not.”
“Bullshit.”
She rolls her eyes. “Why do you think I’m always lying to you?”
“I don’t.”
“Bullshit.”
We stare at each other, the tension suffocating me. She looks ready to run, but I can’t let her. Letting her run because of whatever is going through her mind right now is the last thing I should do.
“Why are we fighting?” I ask her.
She shrugs. “It’s inevitable.”
I hate that. I hate that our inevitability is that we’ll fight. I don’t want to fight her. I don’t want there to be any problems between us. But there has been since the start. And as much as I want them to, they aren’t going to stop now.
I stare at her for a moment and then tip my head to the side. “Come here.”
She immediately comes to me, and our arms fall around each other on instinct.
“Wherever we’re standing,” I whisper, repeating words from the song we just sang together.
“I won't take you for granted,” she continues, tightening her grip around me.
“'Cause we’ll never know when.”
“When we’ll run out of time.”
I never want to run out of time with Valentina. I want time to stop so we can stay here forever. I want the world to disappear for a while so it's just her and me.
Because the world is better that way.
I’m better with her.
But I can only dream that she’s better with me.
I trace my fingers under her jaw to tilt her head up to me. “I’m sorry,” I whisper.
She nods. “Me too.”
I kiss her gently and then pull her back to my chest.
I wish this solved everything. That we’ll leave this room, hand in hand, fully in love with no problems holding us back. But I don’t know if we’ll ever get there.
If fighting is our inevitability, then problems are too. And how can a love really last like that?