Chapter 18 #3
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. The band keeps playing and somewhere behind my eyelids a kid on the carousel screams with pure joy. My stomach has officially dropped through the boardwalk, all the way down to the bottom of the Pacific.
She's here. In Beachside.
My mother is breathing the same air as my secret life, and tomorrow she walks into my arena.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
It's real now, it's all suddenly, violently real.
I look up, and Declan's now watching me from the sponsor tent. He's keeping a close eye on me tonight, I know he is. And whatever look is on my face right now has just made him excuse himself mid-sentence.
He tilts his head toward the dark end of the pier, gesturing for me to follow him away from the crowd. With a quick look to Rose who's still preparing the live stream, I take a chance and quickly move before I'm summoned to open the party with my speech.
The music softens past the carousel, where the boardwalk gives way to old weathered planks. The party glows behind me and when I finally reach where Declan has hidden out of view, I take a moment to take some deep breaths.
"Hey." Declan's hands find my arms. "What happened? You okay?"
I hold up the phone and he reads Mom's text.
"Thought so. You went white as a ghost just now."
"She's really here, Declan," I whisper, still unable to believe it.
"Tomorrow I'm going to tell her everything.
The job, the move, the years of lying just to keep the peace.
" I shake my head and puff my cheeks. "I keep rehearsing it, but every version ends with her saying something that hurts me all over again.
I… I think I've made a mistake, Declan. I shouldn't have invited her here. I should have just left—"
"Hey. Hey." He pulls me into his chest, squeezing hard, pressing my face against that stupid expensive suit. His hand strokes down my back as he holds me tight. "Look at what's behind us right now. Look at what you did. And this is just the beginning, sweetheart."
I take a shaky breath.
"She's going to walk into a sold-out arena tomorrow—sold out, Josie—and she's going to see what her daughter has done to an entire town. And if she can't see how amazing you are?" His lips press to my hair. "Then fuck her. She never deserved the front-row seat anyway."
He pulls back to hold my face in both hands, thumbs tracing my cheekbones as his warm breath touches my lips.
"Josie. Tomorrow this is all over. We win.
You shove it in the face of everyone who ever doubted you.
And then no more secrets. No more pretending we don't know each other in meetings.
Tomorrow we get to tell the world about us.
" His forehead drops to mine and he holds me tighter. "And then it's my turn."
"Your turn?"
"To stop hiding too." His voice goes low and rough.
"After the game, I'm going to answer Dad's calls.
I'm going to finally tell him exactly what I think of him.
And hell… maybe I even tell Beck the truth.
About the affair. About the yoga instructor, about the thirty years of cheating, and everything that asshole did to Mom while Beck was busy believing we were a real family.
He deserves to know, Josie, and I'm done carrying it alone. "
"Declan." My hands fist in his lapels. "I—I—"
The words I love you rise all the way up my throat and sit there. It's huge and terrifying but so fucking true.
I swallow them back down though.
Because tomorrow. Tomorrow, when everything's out in the open, the first honest thing I can say to the man I've fallen in love with, is that he's changed my life forever.
"Ready to go back out there?" he says.
"I'm ready."
He kisses me, and then he laces his fingers through mine for the walk back, dropping my hand only when the lights of the party rise to meet us once more.
But the second I turn the corner, I notice the music has stopped.
The band stands frozen on the stage, instruments hanging unplayed. Five hundred faces have turned toward us in perfect, ringing silence. Someone near the taco truck has a phone raised, recording everything.
"Josie." Rose's voice cracks across the quiet night air. She's standing behind her laptop, both hands pressed over her mouth, her face bone-white. "I'm sorry—I tried to cut it—it was too late—"
Declan's eyes drop to my collar.
To the tiny mic still clipped there.
To the little red light glowing.
Red light means hot.
It's on. It's been on this whole time.
Every fear I just shared, every promise Declan vowed to make has been broadcast to the whole world via the livestream and the PA speakers blaring across the entire boardwalk.
They've heard every single word.
But through the frozen crowd, one face finds mine.
Beck is standing dead still by the picnic tables, a taco forgotten in his hand, his eyes fixed not on me… but on his brother.
And like a windshield holding it shape one second after impact, I can only stand and watch as his face slowly crumples away.
My eyes find Declan's. Neither of us is breathing.
And the whole glittering world I just created just came crashing down.