CHAPTER TWELVE #2
Silence hung heavy in the kitchen, nearly suffocating her. “What are you doing?” Malcolm asked, hands pressing into his temples.
Jessie whirled around, gut plummeting at his sullen expression. She dropped a stick of butter, which landed with a sad thud onto the tiled floor. “Jeepers creepers,” she chastised, “what’s the matter with you? Did you not sleep enough? I’m sorry I never made it to bed, I fell asleep on the—”
“I’m going to ask my parents to stay here with me.” Malcolm’s statement stopped Jessie short. He wouldn’t meet her gaze, eyes trained on the tabletop.
“What do you mean?” Her voice shook, the question barely audible.
Malcolm wouldn’t look up at her, his hands fiddling with his coffee cup. “I mean you don’t have to give up your life to make me toast and watch me sleep. My parents are here, so I might as well have them stay.”
“What did I do to piss you off?” He bristled, but didn’t answer the question.
“Am I not doing a good job with taking care of you?” She dipped her head lower, trying to snag his gaze.
“Talk to me, please. I know we have a lot of stuff to figure out, but you know Estelle will ...” Jessie’s laundry list of reasons why Estelle would drive Malcolm crazy went unsaid.
“Jessie.” He uttered her name on a sigh, and her heart shattered.
“JJ,” she corrected. She got to her knees, taking his face in her hands until he was forced to see her.
His trademark grin was gone, replaced with a frown that wrecked her.
Dark circles marred his handsome face, and even his curls weren’t as bouncy.
This wasn’t her Malcolm; it was a shell of the man she loved.
“You need to talk to me, okay? I can’t read your mind, and I can’t tell if you’re in physical pain or emotional pain.”
Malcolm squeezed his eyes shut, a single tear falling down his cheek. “It hurts, so much,” he whispered. “I don’t think I can do this.”
Misunderstanding, she pulled him to her, cooing words of encouragement while he sobbed.
“I know, baby. But you heard what the visiting nurse said. You’re already making huge improvements.
I mean, hell, you took a shower last night by yourself.
” Malcolm’s shoulders shook as he sobbed into her rumpled dress, and Jessie fought her own emotions.
“It’s not that,” Malcolm admitted, leaning back from her embrace. “I can’t pretend anymore, you know?” He swiped at his cheeks with the backs of his hands.
Jessie steadied herself for whatever he was about to say. The human brain was an amazing thing because it could sense when there was something wrong. Time slowed, her senses were all on alert, and her heart rate slowed. “What do you mean?”
“Us.” The word landed like an atomic bomb between them.
“Every time you come back to Pinegrove, I tell myself that this is it. This is the time I convince you to stay, to give us another shot. Usually I rebound pretty quickly, but I’m getting too old for this, Jessie.
” He rubbed over his heart and sighed. “I’m thirty now.
I want a family, a wife, a partner to live every day with. ”
Jessie opened her mouth to object, to promise she wanted those things, too. Yet the words didn’t come, clogged in her throat like she’d swallowed a biscuit whole.
“You are who you are, and so am I. I’m going to stop trying to change that.” Shoulders slumping, Malcolm looked down at his lap. His hands were balled up into fists, although he looked tired enough to pass out at any moment.
“Please.” Jessie’s voice came out as a sob. “Don’t give up on us.”
She reached for his hands, but he pulled them back. “It’s been ten years. A freaking decade of toying with each other. I want you to get that promotion, Jessie. I want you to find what makes you happy.”
An argument flared inside her, the truth of her call with Noel threatening to spill out. But she knew he wasn’t wrong either. They had played this game before, and even though she wasn’t ready to walk away, she couldn’t deny she was tired.
Instead of fighting, she asked the easiest question racing through her head. “You’re not shutting me out completely, are you?”
He huffed out a sad laugh. “I don’t think I could if I wanted to, but we have to stop pretending we’re more than friends. I need to have a little space and get my head on straight.”
Before Jessie could reply, their emotional bubble burst.
“Yoohoo!” Estelle’s voice rang through the house. Not bothering to knock, she let her and Craig in with the spare key. “Wakey, wakey, kids. We have breakfast!” The clicking of her heels alerted them that their private moment was over ... among other things.
Craig followed Estelle into the kitchen, two large pastry boxes in his hands.
Once again, he looked ready for a day on the golf course, sunglasses tucked in the collar of his polo shirt.
Estelle looked ready for her close-up, her blonde curls pinned off her face and clad in a matching capri and blouse set.
Jessie scurried to her feet like the floor was on fire, turning away so they couldn’t see her swollen eyes.
“Good morning, son,” Craig greeted with a gentle pat on the shoulder. Turning his attention to Jessie, he asked, “How is our patient today?”
Jessie was pleased her voice didn’t waver as she replied, “Getting stronger every day.” So strong he doesn’t need you anymore, her traitorous brain reminded her.
“Let me get a look at you,” Estelle clamped her manicured hands on his biceps and turned him this way and that until she was satisfied no bones protruded from his frame. “You look tired, but your coloring is better than yesterday.”
Malcolm let his mother pepper his forehead with kisses before getting his father’s attention. “What did you bring us?”
Craig beamed. “I went for a jog down Main Street this morning, and I bumped into Javi.”
Jessie couldn’t help herself. “This early?”
Chuckling, Craig nodded. “That’s what I thought, too. He was headed toward that bakery near the library, and he kept talking about how good the pastries were.”
Estelle interrupted him, flapping her arms in the air like she was doing the chicken dance, “And I knew we all could use a break from cooking.”
“Exactly,” her husband agreed, “so we swung by on our way here to grab a few things.”
Estelle went to work plating a variety of donuts, Danishes, and sweet biscuits. “Javi even offered to pick you up today, if you’re up for a little field trip.”
Malcolm perked right up at that. “What do you mean?”
Craig held up his hand. “Now, son, this is only if you’re feeling up for it. There’s a meeting later today to discuss the fire station fundraiser. If you feel like an outing, he offered to pick you up.”
Jessie didn’t like the sounds of that. “I don’t know,” she said as Malcolm interjected, “That sounds perfect!”
“Well then, sounds like it’s all settled. You can text Javi when you’re ready, and he’ll take care of it.”
Malcolm smiled for the first time that morning, and Jessie’s heart sank. “That’ll give y’all time to move in while I’m out.” Malcolm took a huge bite of a jelly donut, red jam sticking to the stubble on his chin.
“Move in?” Jessie and Estelle asked in unison.
“Jessie’s going to go stay with her momma.”
Estelle clutched her hands in prayer, her bottom lip trembling. “Oh, baby, that sounds delightful.” Turning to her husband, she said, “Let’s check out of the hotel before lunch, otherwise they’ll charge us for the full day.”
Already rummaging in his pocket for his cell phone, Craig nodded. “I’ll take care of it.”
And just like that, Jessie was dismissed.
“I’m going to start a load of laundry before I head out,” Jessie said to no one in particular.
It wasn’t lost on her that both of the most important things in her life had vanished in the last ten hours.
She’d gone from a tough decision to making an impossible one.
Does she stay in Pinegrove even though Malcolm seemed done with their relationship?
Was this the beginning of something new?
“Let me help,” Estelle offered, looping an arm around Jessie’s shoulders, bringing her back into the present. As they left the kitchen, she nearly stepped on the mess from earlier. “Is that a stick of butter on the floor?”
Estelle tugged Jessie into the guestroom on their way to the laundry room. Before Jessie could object, she closed the door and cornered her. “Now don’t bother telling me it’s fine, honey. What in blue blazes is going on with you and my son?”
Jessie looked down at her feet, hands flexing at her sides. “Nothing, Estelle. Malcolm wants some time with you and Craig.”
“Hogwash,” she spat. “I’m not a fool, although maybe my boy is.” Jessie couldn’t help herself, she snorted. “You two have been shooting heart eyes at each other since you arrived, and now you’re headed home and he looks as surly as a longshoreman.”
Jessie sighed. “It’s complicated.”
Estelle waved her off. “It always is with you two. Why are you leaving?”
Jessie didn’t want to involve Estelle, but since she was currently locked in a room with the woman, she knew she had to give her something. “We’re not exactly on the same page, and we’ve decided to be friends.”
“Friends don’t kick friends out of their houses.”
“I’m not going to overstay my welcome,” Jessie said, not adding the obvious: More than I already have.
Estelle tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
She let out a long exhale before meeting Jessie’s eye.
“This isn’t over, young lady. I don’t know much in his world, but you two are soulmates.
” Jessie wanted to both argue and agree with her next breath, but she held her tongue.
“Go on home and see your momma, and I’ll text you when my son gets his head on straight.
” Then she did the last thing Jessie expected: she pulled her into a hug that could crack every rib in her body.
“I love you, Jessica. You’ve always been good to our son, and I know that won’t change. ”
Jessie’s bottom lip trembled, but she hugged Estelle back with everything she had. “Love you, too.”
Jessie gathered what few belongings she’d brought with her and bid Malcolm and Craig goodbye. No one offered to walk her to the door. Malcolm looked defeated, resigned to their decision ... well, his decision.
As she swiped angrily at the tears that kept falling all the way to her mother’s house, she told herself the emotions were due to exhaustion, not a broken heart. They’d broken up a million times before, and this was no different.
Well, that wasn’t true. For the first time in a long time, Pinegrove felt more like home than anywhere ... even though she missed her other half.