Chapter 21 #2
‘Maybe. And the food is very good, apart from the problem on the first night. But I think we can forgive him that.’
‘It is good, isn’t it?’ I said eagerly.
I was feeling a bit flushed from my liqueur. At least I assumed that was what was bringing the heat to my cheeks.
Around us I was aware that the crew were starting to clear the other tables, and we were the only ones left in the dining room.
‘We’d better move,’ I said, ‘or we might end up covered in dust sheets.’
‘Do you want to go and listen to the guitar playing? I’ve heard the captain’s wife Anjelica is going to sing too.’
‘Actually no,’ I said, feeling unexpectedly decisive. ‘If we carried on talking to each other and laughing we would be bound to be reprimanded by someone. Probably Anjelica, she seems a bossy type. I’d rather be up on deck, getting some sea air. Even if it is a bit windy.’
‘Would you mind if I came with you?’
‘Of course not,’ I said.
‘Would your friends think I was monopolising you?’
I laughed. ‘I doubt it, knowing them. We’ve already had a full week together; it wouldn’t do any harm.’
* * *
We went up onto the top deck where the air was cold and fresh, the ship ploughing on sedately across the Adriatic.
Along the coast we could see distant lights from little towns, occasionally the closer light from another boat.
There were a few people up there with us, walking around, talking above the noise of the wind and the engine.
It was invigorating and rather exhilarating. It was nothing like home.
For the first time in a very long while, I felt comfortable within myself.
Confident. I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone.
If Jack and I wanted to be in each other’s company it was a mutual decision.
Neither of us seemed bored or exasperated, wanting to be somewhere else.
Perhaps, after all, it was possible to feel relaxed in a man’s company.
I could approve of myself, I could decide exactly how to spend my time and I didn’t have to make any excuses.
It was nice that he was there with me, but if he hadn’t been, I would still have come up here, breathed in the cold, sea-scented air and looked forward to the next day and the day after that.
‘Thank you for this,’ I said after a while.
We were standing at the rail of the ship looking across the dark sea.
‘I haven’t done anything,’ he said, sounding slightly puzzled.
‘Oh yes, you have,’ I said.
‘What?’
‘I’m not really sure,’ I said, and I turned and walked further along the deck, my face towards the breeze.
The feeling that I was okay, that I wasn’t an embarrassment or a nuisance. I was a perfectly nice person after all. And he thought so too.
I closed my eyes, wanting this moment to go on forever.
‘You’re not cold?’ he said.
‘A bit.’
After a moment I felt him put his jacket around my shoulders. It felt heavy, warm and was scented with sandalwood. There was something about it that tugged at my memory. What did I feel? What was this moment?
Ah, yes. Then I remembered. It was romantic.
I was enjoying a romantic moment with a man on board a ship in the Adriatic. I hadn’t seen that coming at all.
When was the last time I had felt romantic?
I delved into my memory as we walked around the deck, avoiding the steel hawsers which were part of the boat’s structure, trying to pin down something.
Fred had been romantic in the early days I suppose.
Valentine’s cards and blood-red roses, even though he knew I didn’t like them.
A surprise dinner at his favourite restaurant on my thirtieth birthday when it was quickly apparent I was the designated driver.
A gift of a cashmere scarf, light blue to match my eyes.
Yes, he had said, You should like it, it was jolly expensive.
This though, this cold, windy walk with a dark, Croatian sky above us, with my hand tucked into the crook of his arm, this was really romantic.
How marvellous.
Perhaps Evelyn was right; one was never too old for anything. Except maybe gymnastics and taking up mountaineering.
‘According to legend, Cres and Lo?inj were formed when Medea quarrelled violently with her brother, killed him and threw his body into the sea,’ Jack said.
‘Yes, a game of Monopoly often ends like that,’ I said, and he laughed.
‘Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. I remember those awful Saturday evenings, when my parents insisted we should play Scrabble or some other game, and it always ended in a row and someone, usually my younger brother, shoving the board off the table and stamping off in a temper.’
‘And what does he do now?’
‘He’s a vicar.’
I snorted with laughter and after a moment he joined in.
‘He’s one of the nicest people too, and he has three children, I do hope they are better behaved than he was as a boy.’ Jack chuckled.
‘You’re a nice person too, you know,’ I said.
‘Am I?’ he said. ‘I’m glad you think so.’
We had gone all around the deck and reached the stairs leading down. It was the end of this dreamy moment.
‘Well. Goodnight.’
And then he took hold of my shoulders, looked into my eyes and kissed me.
I hadn’t expected it at all either.
It was years, decades since a man had kissed me as though he actually wanted to. Rather than it being something that would stop a discussion or be some sort of apology for something.
And in that moment, in my thin sparkling dress, his coat around my shoulders, with the wind ruffling my hair, I felt marvellous.
I realised I was a woman who liked being kissed, who – like Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind – needed kissing very badly. And he did it very well, so much so that by the time he released me even my toes were tingling.
We sort of shuffled around each other a bit then, both of us slightly embarrassed and yet rather pleased too.
‘I’d better go, now I really am getting cold,’ I said, and I shrugged off his jacket and handed it back to him.
‘The weather will be better tomorrow,’ he said.
And yes, I thought, everything will be better tomorrow, because this was the start of my new life. And it wasn’t because of him; it was because of me. Perhaps I was learning to be mature and sophisticated after all.
And then I turned away and immediately bashed my head on one of the steel hawsers which I had been so careful to avoid.
Flipping hell, it hurt, and for an instant I was a bit dizzy and actually did see stars. I had the terrible feeling I was going to fall over or pass out or something, and I steadied myself against the ship’s rail, leaning against it while I took a deep breath.
‘Gosh, are you all right?’ he said, his face worried. ‘Here, sit down for a moment. Let me have a look. ’
I rocked back on my heels for a second and there was a moment when I seriously wondered if it would be possible to actually fall over the rail and into the sea. If that were the case it wouldn’t matter if the life jackets had lights on them or not.
‘I can’t see any blood,’ he said after a few seconds. ‘Are you going to pass out?’
‘No, honestly, I’m fine,’ I said. The feeling of shock had passed and been replaced by one of acute embarrassment. I just wanted to get back to my cabin as fast as possible and inspect the damage to my forehead.
* * *
Ben
Buzz threw up a little bit on the stair carpet so Jenna came round to help me clean up
Hope you’re having a good time.
This was accompanied by a selfie of him and Jenna in front of the wood burner in my sitting room. They were looking very cosy indeed with what looked like the remains of a takeaway on the coffee table and two full wine glasses.
Did it take both of them to clean up after one small kitten? Good heavens.
I gingerly touched the lump on my forehead.
Me
Yes I am having a marvellous time