Chapter 8
‘I wonder if we could have a chat?’
We were sitting on two very comfortable sunbeds which Diana had found cleverly situated away from the sea breezes behind a glass windbreak. The weather had improved overnight, and now the ship was heading into the Mediterranean, the sky overhead was blue, the sun was shining down and there were even a few seabirds about, evidence we were closer to the coast than we had been. I had been enjoying a quiet hour reading while beside me Diana had been having a snooze, but if I was honest, the book wasn’t really grabbing me.
‘Rapha?l. Yes, of course,’ Diana said.
I was wondering how long he had taken to find us. Perhaps one of us really had been secretly fitted with a tracking device?
‘Two things,’ he said, with another of his attractive smiles.
‘Go on.’
‘I would like you and your friend to come and take a look at some of the pictures I have taken, before I release them.’
For a moment I foolishly imagined dozens of photographs flapping off the side of the ship like seagulls, and back towards England.
Unless he was a really clever photographer, the Radio Wonderful publicity department would squint at them with puzzled expressions. Diana falling over the balloon arch, both of us tripping over our feet in the line dancing, me whacking the fruit with a meat tenderiser, both of us with our faces covered in chocolate. It didn’t exactly say sophisticated cruising. But then, I realised, perhaps that was what they were hoping for, something for the younger clientele who would see that one could make a complete fool of oneself, whatever one’s age? In which case, we were more than fulfilling their expectations.
Diana was fidgeting and blushing, which made me think she was rather pleased at this unexpected encounter. She darted a look at me, and I nodded.
‘Absolutely, that would be fine,’ she said. ‘When were you thinking?’
‘This evening? And then perhaps I could take you to dinner?’
Diana gaped a bit, and I interrupted.
‘That’s a great idea, but I have a prior engagement, I was planning to have dinner with Evelyn. She was going to tell me all about her travels in—’ where would it be, quick, think fast ‘—America. She had a sister who married a rancher in Texas. Burt.’
‘Burt?’ Diana said. ‘I don’t remember that.’
‘Yes, she said he could lasso a pig from twenty yards away and he always wore a Stetson hat. And spurs. Even in the house.’
‘Burt or the pig?’ Diana said, ducking her head down and trying not to laugh.
‘Burt,’ I said. ‘So we will be fine. But you must go.’
‘Then I will see you later, perhaps we could all meet in the Art Lounge at six o’clock, and take it from there?’ he said, and went away, back to his developing room I expect, and hopefully an hour or two working some Photoshop magic on my hair.
‘Well, that’s weird,’ Diana said after few minutes when I pretended to read my book, ‘don’t you think so? Why on earth would he want to take me to dinner?’
I put my book down.
‘Why shouldn’t he?’
‘It’s nearly forty years since a man has asked me out anywhere other than to a pub quiz or a neighbourhood watch meeting at home to discuss the bin collections.’
‘Diana, why shouldn’t you go on a date?’
Her eyes widened in alarm. ‘It’s not a date! Women my age don’t have dates with strange men on swanky cruise ships sailing to the Mediterranean, or with any sort of men, for that matter.’
‘Apparently they do,’ I said, ‘and why shouldn’t they? Women of our age know lots of things, we are interesting. We’ve had the sort of adventures that the younger generation would not expect. We weren’t born sixty-something, remember? We fought with our mothers about hem lengths and unsuitable boyfriends just as the younger generation do, we just didn’t roll our eyes so much or send anguished texts.’
‘I suppose so,’ she said. ‘My brain is still processing the information, and those particular synapses haven’t sparked up for years.’
‘Then it’s about time they did,’ I said firmly. ‘You didn’t have anything else planned for this evening, did you?’
‘No, not really,’ Diana said thoughtfully. ‘Is that true about Evelyn’s sister and Burt?’
‘No, of course not. I made it up, but I wouldn’t be surprised, would you?’
We had already found the Art Lounge on deck 12 during our meanderings through the ship. It was more of a long, white corridor actually, with big, gilt-framed canvases on display for travellers whose holiday memories would be improved by an oil painting of the blue cupolas of Santorini, or a cartoonish Aberdeen Angus cow with a flower tucked behind one furry ear. We knew that Rapha?l had a studio somewhere behind the linen-covered walls, presumably where he worked magic with negatives, special effects and hopefully Photoshop.
‘Here we are,’ she said, ‘I wonder how terrible my pictures will be. Do you think he does this on every cruise?’
‘What? Take pictures? Yes, I expect so, it’s his job.’
‘No, I mean attach himself to some unsuspecting female traveller who looks in need of some attention.’
Interesting comment, I thought. ‘Are you in need of attention?’
Diana shrugged and started to examine a painting of a flamenco dancer with unfeasibly thin legs.
‘Do you know, since Casper died, I realise that over the years I’ve forgotten how to enjoy myself.’
Yes, that was probably true. Parties at their house had been few and far between, and they were always rather sedate events, as though Casper was unable to relax and let the mask down. He had always been on his guard, rather formal, and always very smartly dressed. It was impossible to imagine him behaving like Eddy; tumbling off a ladder when he was cleaning out the gutters, digging in the garden, getting muddy or falling over face-first into a tray of paint.
I grinned at the memory and then put my arm around her shoulders and hugged her.
‘It’s never too late to start again. Now then, should we knock or just go in?’
‘Ah there you are. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were hiding from me, bless your heart.’
We looked round and there was Dick Dainty.
‘I’ve come to crave a boon,’ he said.
We both looked blank.
Did he spend his days scurrying around the ship looking for us, or had he actually planted that tracking device on us? I would turn out our handbags later and check. I know what tracking devices look like; I’ve seen all the episodes of NCIS.
Dick nodded enthusiastically. ‘I can’t tell you what a fantastic response we had to your little chat the other day. I’ve had so many people come up to me, asking about you.’
‘That’s nice,’ Diana said.
I wondered where this was going.
‘Crew members too, wanting to hear more about Captain Wedderburn and your travels with him. He was such a fine man, you knew where you stood with him. No messing about, if he thought you were slacking, he would tell you.’
‘Yes, I know. You should have tried living with him when he was home on leave.’
This was surprising. I had never heard Diana voice any criticism of Casper, implied or otherwise, before this holiday.
‘And the cruise director has asked me to ask if you would do another talk. Or perhaps two. But this time in one of the conference rooms on deck 3. I’d be there, of course, to hold your hand and feed you some questions. It would be such fun. Perhaps you could tell us what you got up to. Funny stories, little anecdotes.’
Diana drew in a deep breath. ‘I don’t think I could, honestly I’m not used to public speaking.’
Dick tightened his lips in worry and shook his head.
‘I’ll be honest, we are in a bit of a fix. I’m throwing myself on your mercy. We had another speaker lined up to give two talks on maritime history. Including a talk on the Bermuda Triangle. People are endlessly fascinated by that, aren’t they? I remember hearing Captain Wedderburn giving an excellent talk on the Bermuda Triangle.’
Diana and I exchanged a knowing glance, the truth of who had prepared those talks was out there now.
‘Diana knows everything about that,’ I said, ‘she was telling me the other day about the electromagnetic storms. And the increased magnetism from the volcanic flow causing problems.’
‘Is that right? Well, that’s marvellous. And our missing guest speaker also knows a lot about the Titanic. Passengers can’t get enough of it. Don’t ask me why, I would have thought it was a topic to avoid when you are in the middle of the ocean. Still, I remember watching Snakes on a Plane on a flight back from South Africa. I had my feet up off the floor for most of the way,’ he chuckled.
‘I can see why,’ I agreed.
‘Well, Terry Baker-Engels is a very popular speaker, and he was due to join the ship in Cadiz. But unfortunately, we’ve just heard he has shingles. Nasty thing, shingles. My old mother used you say if you got it in the same month you were born and if it joined up round your back it was fatal. But then she said when the dog ate grass it was a sign of rain. So I think we can take her sayings with a pinch of salt. Anyway. The thing is we need a replacement speaker, and here you are. Just like it’s fate. A little chat, half an hour. Forty-five minutes tops. And people are so keen to hear more from you. I had two hundred and fifty-seven messages in an hour after our Dick’s Diary talk finished, which is a record. And since then, people have been coming up to me. Dick, they say, we don’t want to hear about the stabilising pods, or the water filtration system, we want to hear more from Mrs Wedderburn. So where does that leave me? Up custard creek without a spoon unless you say yes.’
He sent Diana a pleading look.
‘Well…’
‘That’s the spirit. Right, I am going to give the captain the good news and I’ll be in touch about where and when. We’ll need you to get there a bit early to do a sound check, and if you have any relevant pictures of yourself and the captain the techy wizards can project them onto the screen for you. Do you have any?’
Diana nodded. ‘Yes, I have hundreds.’
He might have been surprised if he knew Diana also had all her research notes and Casper’s talks on her laptop.
‘Marvellous. You won’t have to do a thing. Just be yourself, I’ll introduce you and you just fire away with some fun facts and information. Okay? Splendid. Bless your heart, you’re a lifesaver.’
We watched him hurry off, and Diana turned to me, her expression anguished.
I clapped my hands. ‘Fantastic! Are you excited?’
‘No. Did I actually agree? I’m not sure I did. What on earth am I going to talk about? And why did you say all that stuff about the Bermuda Triangle…’
‘Well, it’s true, you know all about that. How you used to prepare the talks and Casper used to give them. And you’ve actually been there. I’ll help. We can pull something together, and you said you had all the photos on your laptop, so I bet there are some there you can use.’
‘Do you think I can?’
‘Yes. I do.’
She stopped and looked off into the far distance for a few moments.
‘Oh, great, now I have Barry Manilow going round my head again.’
We arrived in Cadiz on a beautiful morning. Waking up, we found the ship had already docked and we had a view out of our window of an unremarkable concrete building and a lot of trucks unloading cardboard and loading more provisions.
‘The sun is shining, and the sky is blue,’ I said happily, ‘let’s go for a walk through the old town. And see the cathedral. My guidebook says it’s worth seeing, and there are lots of cafes there too.’
‘You don’t want to book an excursion?’
‘I went down to the purser’s desk yesterday and they are all full, even the escorted tour which takes nearly eight hours. And I don’t really want to get a bus to Seville, that tour takes ten hours, and I could just do with some gentle wandering about. This is supposed to be fun, not a job of work.’
‘Then let’s get some breakfast and go,’ Diana said.
We had such a nice time, walking through plazas and little cobbled streets, stopping briefly for coffee where we had a lovely view of a statue of some long-dead king, then finding the Plaza Catedral where there were several enticing-looking restaurants and wine bars waiting for us to choose one.
Eventually we decided on one with huge white parasols which gave some welcome shade from the heat of the day, and immediately a waiter came to bring us bread and a chilled bottle of water. After a lot of deliberation, we both chose Ensaladilla de langostinos which was a creamy potato and prawn salad and a carafe of local white wine. Sitting under our parasol with a wonderful view of the cathedral, it was the perfect place to people watch and relax.
‘There go Ken and Thelma, and Derek and Dorothy,’ I said, as a crocodile of our fellow travellers walked past at a brisk pace, following a young woman who was carrying a red umbrella above her head as a marker.
‘I’d rather be doing this,’ Diana said, ‘but I have to get back to the ship soon, so I can spend some more time getting ready for my talk. I’ve decided it would be easier to do the Bermuda Triangle talk than ramble on about myself. I have all the stuff I need on my laptop and if it’s not good enough then I’ll just remind him I haven’t had any notice and I’m doing him a favour.’
‘Gosh, I’m impressed. You sound really chilled,’ I said, topping up our glasses.
‘I’m not,’ she said. ‘I’m talking myself into it. I’m terrified.’
‘Oh come on, you could tell them anything and they would believe you.’
‘Trust me, there is always one expert lurking at the back of the room ready to ask awkward questions.’
‘I’ll stick up for you. I’ll pretend I am an oceanographer with decades of experience in the Bermuda Triangle,’ I said.
‘But what if there really is an oceanographer with decades of experience in the Bermuda Triangle too?’
‘There won’t be,’ I said confidently.
‘Oh dear, why did I agree to do this? Now I am getting nervous. I feel quite jittery.’
‘Come on, let’s have some dessert, that will take your mind off things. There is a place around here that Alfred said sells the best ice cream ever.’
We paid the bill and went further along the square and joined the queue for ice cream. Eventually after a lot of indecision because there were so many flavours. Jill chose fig and honey, and I had hazelnut. They really were worth the wait.
‘Now then, let’s wander back to the boat and call into that lovely souvenir shop we passed. They had some local pottery there, and perhaps we can find something small,’ Diana said.
‘I’m always a sucker for blue and white china,’ I agreed, ‘and I can never resist a dinky little milk jug. I have dozens. I’ll have to sneak it in so Eddy doesn’t see it.’
Diana laughed. ‘And what would Eddy do if he knew?’
‘Nothing actually, although he might roll his eyes a bit.’
‘I always thought you were so lucky,’ Diana said, ‘being married to such an easy-going man. Nothing ever seemed to upset Eddy.’
‘Only if I ran out of biscuits,’ I said. ‘I suppose we might seem a bit boring to some people. I mean, we don’t do much that is exciting, we haven’t travelled like you did. Our house isn’t as tidy as yours. My boys aren’t as well-mannered as your son.’
I could see it was a mistake mentioning Sam. Diana’s face clouded a little.
‘The three of them got on well didn’t they, as children,’ she said, ‘before Sam went off to boarding school.’
‘Yes, but they are still in touch. They message each other quite a lot,’ I said, and Diana looked shocked.
‘Do they? I didn’t know.’
I changed the subject. ‘I think you should wear that black dress with the sparkly neckline. And the satin evening sandals with the bows. And some statement earrings.’
‘Those shoes are very uncomfortable and as for statement earrings, I don’t think I own any,’ she said.
‘Then we will buy some. Earrings that say something meaningful.’
‘Like I am not interested in any of your French charm, thank you very much. This is a sort of business meeting. So don’t think you can wear that tight shirt and twinkle your eyes at me and do that French pouty thing, because I’m not interested. That sort of thing?’
I raised my eyebrows. ‘I never mentioned Rapha?l. How fascinating that you did. I don’t think earrings can be that expressive to be honest, and it’s interesting that you have noticed those things about him.’
Diana started blushing again. ‘I didn’t. I’m just saying. Anyway, I can’t leave you on your own, so perhaps you should come with me after all?’
‘Not a chance. And I’ve already told you I’m planning an evening with Evelyn. I’m not going to spoil your shipboard romance?—’
‘It’s nothing of the sort!’
‘And then we might go to the show. It’s Cabaret-themed night so there will be bowler hats and eyeliner galore. I’ll tell you all about it when you sneak back in with your lipstick all smudged.’
‘Jill!’
‘Well, it might make a nice change. You know, nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting between two unattached people.’
‘You don’t know he’s unattached. He might be married, anyway I am not looking for anything of the sort!’
‘Okay, if you say so. If Rapha?l was paying me all those compliments, and I didn’t have Eddy, I’d be tempted. And to be honest Eddy doesn’t pay me much attention these days, I’m like a favourite old chisel in his toolbox. Reliable, useful. It’s not exactly romantic, is it?’
‘Would you?’ Diana said doubtfully. ‘I always thought you and Eddy were unbreakable.’
‘Well, we are, we just seem to be in a bit of a rut these days. I’d love it if a handsome stranger made eyes at me and told me my wrinkles were interesting. Absolutely. It makes the world go round, doesn’t it? Now then, here’s the shop I wanted to go in. Look at those lovely platters. Can’t you just imagine them filled with seafood? Huge lobsters, and mussels, crab claws and scallops, all attractively garnished with lemon wedges and parsley.’
‘Perhaps you ought to buy one?’ Diana said.
I shook my head. ‘Eddy can be a bit squeamish. He doesn’t like his food looking at him.’