7. Sawyer
SAWYER
I ’m chalking it up to the fact that this has been the most traumatic fever dream of a week ever, and that’s why I haven’t had a complete meltdown over the fact that I’ve been fully sponsored by one of the richest men on the fucking planet. Dinner felt so completely…normal. He doesn’t feel rich, even when he’s paying the bill, even when his security picks us up, even when he’s spending thousands of dollars on a hotel suite for me like it’s pocket change.
Which, I guess it is.
There was a strange calmness all day with him, so much so that there were multiple times when I forgot why we were together in the first place, numerous times that I forgot how we met. And that’s what terrifies me about the fact that we’re approaching the hotel. Because in a few short minutes, he will pull away, and for the first time since the shooting, I’ll truly be alone.
I must have been in a daze, because I don’t realize Tyler has parked outside the Hyatt until Julian says my name.
“Sawyer?” he says. “You okay?”
“Hmm, oh, yeah, sorry,” I say with a nervous laugh. “Just tired. Thank you so much for today. Both of you,” I say, looking at Tyler through the rearview mirror. He smiles before getting out to walk around to my door. As I’m scooting toward the door, I feel Julian grab my hand.
“Are you going to be okay tonight?” he asks. I force a smile and wave my hand.
“Oh, yeah. I’m so exhausted I’ll probably fall right to sleep.”
Lies.
He nods and gives me a sad smile back.
“Thank you, Julian,” I say. “For everything.”
He leans forward, and to my surprise, he leaves a soft kiss on my cheek. I get out as Tyler opens the door and wave as I walk through the revolving doors. I make it up to my room and lock the door just before the tears start to fall. But as I’m about to go full on sob-fest, my phone starts ringing. I clear my throat and take in a deep breath through my nose.
“Hey, Ma,” I say. “Landed safe?” I force the chipper tone as she tells me about her flight and how Julian flew her first class again. She asks me what I did today, and I tell her.
“Oh, my goodness,” she says. “He really is such a good man.”
I smile.
“He is,” I say.
“Are you okay, honey? Are you sure you don’t want to come home for the semester? Do you want to stay on the phone with me until you fall asleep?”
“No, Ma,” I say. “I need to stay here and work. And no, it’s okay. I know you’ve gotta be beat. I am too. I’m okay. Really. Let me know when you get to the diner in the morning, please. I love you.”
“I love you, baby. I can’t wait to see you again.”
“You too, Mama,” I whisper as I hang up.
I change into the pajamas that Julian bought me and curl up in the bed that he paid for. The sheets are cold and unfamiliar on my skin. And then the tears come again. I clutch the pillow as they fall.
Falling for my mother and the fear she felt.
Falling for the thirty-three empty pillows tonight and every night.
Falling for the students like me who couldn’t escape like I did, who were trapped for hours, wondering if they’d survive.
Falling for the professors and custodians, and cooks, and counselors who wondered if they’d see their families again.
And falling for me. Because I wasn’t ready to die.
I jump when my phone vibrates next to me, and I freeze when I see Julian’s name light up.
I sniff a few times, trying to get myself to sound more together before I answer.
“Hello?” I say just above a whisper.
“Check the desk,” he says.
“Huh?”
“The desk in your room,” he says. “I had a delivery come while we were out.”
I sniff and scoot off the bed, walking toward the desk where a box sits. I open it to find a brand-new tablet.
“What is this?”
“Turn it on,” he says. I do.
“You can set it up however you want to,” he says, “but I did take the liberty of downloading a few things to it.”
“What…what is this?”
“Check the downloads folder,” he says. I tap it and up pops every episode of every season of Cheers. I smile to myself.
“Julian,” I say, climbing back onto the bed.
“I’m starting season two, episode four right now. Put it on. We can watch it together until you fall asleep.”
I don’t know what’s going on in the show at all, but I know two things: One, Ted Danson was a total babe. And two, I’m starting to think my mother was right. Maybe Julian is my guardian angel.