13. Julian
JULIAN
I don’t say anything, I just lean back against the booth and watch as she works through this new information.
“Is that…is that something you’ve done with…multiple, uh, partners?” she asks nervously. I narrow my eyes at her.
Time to rip off the Band-Aid.
“It is.”
She swallows again.
“I’m sorry, I…I just want to make sure I’m understanding. Are you…are you saying that you fuck women in front of their husbands?” she asks.
“I’m saying that I have.”
Her eyes move a thousand miles a minute back and forth as she processes. I laugh as I take another sip of my wine.
“Tell me,” I say after a few moments, “who are you judging more: me or them?”
Finally, she raises her eyes to me.
“I’m trying not to judge anyone,” she says. “I just have so many questions.” I smile.
“Ask away.”
“How…how do you know when they…when someone might be into it?”
“The people who are into it normally have a tell.”
“What kind of tell?” she asks.
I smirk again as I take one more swig of my wine.
“They ask a lot of questions.”
I watch as the pink flushes her cheeks, and she tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. She squirms in her seat, and I lean forward across the table.
“Ask me what you want to ask me,” I say. She raises her eyes to me again.
“Does that…is that satisfying for you?” she asks. I pause for a moment. I’ve never really put that much thought into it. It’s not something I’ve done a lot, only a few couples throughout my adult life.
“It’s not so much about the satisfaction,” I say, “but more about the lack of attachment.”
Her eyebrows knit together. “Remember what I just told you? Money over everything. For most of the world, I’m a walking, talking dollar sign. I don’t do relationships because there isn’t a great track record of women who are interested in me more than they are my last name or my net worth. Ana, Doug, people like that, make it a little bit easier to walk away because we all know going in that it will never be anything more. I don’t trust anyone. Sex is easier. I don’t know who any of them are. Half the time, I don’t even know their names, whether their husbands are with us or not. Usually, it’s a one-and-done situation.”
She narrows her eyes at me then nods slowly.
“That makes sense, actually,” she says, and I am taken aback. I lean back in the booth again, putting one arm up on the top of the seat. I smile at her.
“Does it?” I ask. She nods as she finishes her glass.
“Yeah,” she says. “You’ve never known unconditional love, so you don’t trust people. It’s easier for you to connect, physically only, to people who are also off-limits.”
I look her up and down, and I cannot fight this stupid smirk on my face.
I just told this girl about my slutty past, and she barely batted an eye.
“You are somethin’ else, Sawyer,” I say.
The ride home is quiet, and as she looks out the window, I feel myself growing uneasy. Is she rethinking what she’s learned about me? Maybe it’s for the best. Help break the attachment now rather than later down the road.
But the thought of her not calling, not needing me, not wanting me around, makes me more anxious than I care to admit.
When we get back to the building, I walk her up to the apartment. She unlocks the door, and as I’m about to say goodnight, she grabs my arm.
“I know you know my name,” she says, “but if you ever decide that’s not a deal-breaker, just know that I’m pretty good at keeping my mouth shut.”
Holy fuck.
If she only knew…
I take a step closer to her so she's backed up against the door. I reach my hand up and stroke her cheek gently, then I lean down and press my lips to her jawline, then again to her neck. I feel my dick as hard as a fucking brick in my pants, and it’s taking all my restraint not to tear this fucking dress off her right now.
“I told you, sweetheart, I’m not fucking you,” I whisper in her ear. “And believe me, it’s not because I don’t want to. But if I did, there would be plenty for that pretty mouth of yours to do besides stay shut.”
I leave one more kiss on her shoulder, then I push her door open and nudge her gently inside before closing it and walking back down to the car with the biggest hard-on I’ve ever fucking had.