Chapter 18
CALDER
November arrives quieter than October.
I find Elowen in the greenhouse, Juniper curled up on the workbench, sleeping but aware of the company. I watch them for a couple of beats, enjoying having the moment all to myself.
Then, Elowen’s eyes meet mine, and her face lights up.
My stomach twists. That glow when she looks at me, at all of us, alone is a reason worth getting out of bed for. I’m scared of losing that trust, that loyalty, that sheer joy of being with the people she loves. But I need to be honest with her.
"Would you walk with me?" I ask. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Sounds ominous.” She furrows her brow. “Can you not tell me here?”
I shake my head. I don’t want to risk the others turning up. "We could take the lake path. If you have time."
She sets down the trowel and brushes soil from her hands.
"Of course."
The air is colder now. November settling into the spaces October left behind. Most leaves have fallen, trees bare against grey sky. Our breath is visible in small clouds.
We walk in silence at first.
Elowen doesn't push, she walks beside me, letting me take whatever time I need.
The lake path curves through bare trees, the water calm, reflecting the grey sky like a mirror. A few late-season birds call from branches. Otherwise, quiet.
We reach a fallen log, weathered, solid, positioned like nature intended it to be used, and we sit together without discussing it. The cold seeps through my jeans, and I remove my scarf and loop it around Elowen’s neck.
"There was someone. In my family's pack. An omega," I begin. "Her name was Sarah. She was a poet, an artist, and a storyteller. Creativity was in her blood."
I lean forward and rest my elbows on my thighs, staring at the lake.
"My family believed in protection. They cherished their omegas. Kept them safe."
Kept them limited is what I mean. Now. In hindsight.
"I was fourteen when I started noticing the pattern. Fifteen when I presented as alpha. They began training me to uphold that structure. Told me protecting omegas was my highest calling."
My jaw tightens.
"I believed them. I mean, why wouldn’t I?" I pause. "And then she left. Middle of the night. She took a backpack with some clothes and her art supplies. She left a note that said simply: I'm sorry. I can't stay.”
I look at Elowen and she rests her head on my shoulder.
“They searched for her,” I continue. “They refused to accept that she didn’t leave by choice. I was eighteen when I discovered the truth. She changed her name, enrolled at a university in Europe. She was building the life she wanted… without us.”
"She wasn't lost. She escaped," Elowen says.
"She didn't need protection from the world. She needed freedom from my uncle’s pack." I slide my arm around her shoulder, hold her close. "I don't want to become them.I don’t want to be the alpha who cages people in the name of love."
The silence stretches, water lapping softly against the shore.
"When I met you… You reminded me of her, Elowen. You’re brilliant. Talented. Deserving of every choice you want to make." My heart thuds dully in my chest. "And I realized I'm terrified."
"Of what?"
My hands clench. "Of wanting you so much I forget that lesson."
The confession pours out.
"Sarah needed to leave her pack to be herself. You deserve to stay and be yourself, and I'm terrified I'll be the reason you can't. That wanting you will make you smaller instead of... more."
Elowen reaches for my hand, and I close my fingers around hers. She’s still here.
"You're not your family, Calder."
I stroke her fingers, twisting them around in my hand, hardly daring to look at her.
"What did you do when I was in heat?" she asks.
"I stayed close. Left a note. Protected you…" That’s the punch line.
"You gave me a choice." Elowen tilts my face towards her. "Is that what your family would’ve done?"
“Ha! Probably not.” My jaw is clenched so tight I could crack teeth. "I've been afraid this whole time. Watching myself for any sign I'm becoming them."
Her thumb traces small circles against my palm. Her lips are so close I can almost taste the chamomile on her breath. "Your family didn't question their instincts. They believed protection equaled love and never examined that belief. You question yours constantly. Pull back when you're uncertain."
Her lips graze mine, kitten soft.
"That's what makes you different. That's why I trust you, Calder."
I take her chin between my thumb and forefinger. The urge to do more than kiss her is strong, but because of Elowen, because of her absolute trust, I’m not struggling to control it.
"I'll tell you if you hold too tight," she promises. "We'll figure it out together. I'm not Sarah, and you're not them."
"Thank you." My voice is thick with emotion.
“You don’t have to thank me, Calder.”
I nod. “I think I’m starting to get it now.” Holding her close, I murmur into her hair, “Coming to Elderwood was the best decision of my life.”
“I thought it was going to the greenhouse.” She relaxes against me. “Imagine if you hadn’t been there that first day.”
I smile. “I’d have found you one way or another.”